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Reconciliation
User Topic: A little taste of his own medicine
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Content  Posted: 10:16 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

Last weekend was my class reunion...my husband has always been a little jealous over my high school sweetheart . We dated my senior year and I bounced back and forth between them for 8 mths after high school (my husband is 6 years older so he wasn't around until right after I graduated) before I finally settled down with my now husband. My ex called me the night before my wedding 17 years ago begging me not to go through with it. Over the years we'd run into each other every now and then but that's it. So my husband was super insecure about me seeing him at the reunion because our marriage is so strained right now. Anyway, we check into the hotel and my husband walks out on the balcony and who is on the balcony right next to ours??? My ex!!! Who by the way is still single and looks like a male underwear model! He walk back in and tells me and then asks if I planned this and before my husband can say another word I said "suck it up, after all I work with your little girlfriend". So he asks me not to approach my ex and try to keep my distance. I could see how worried he was so I said no problem but if he approaches me I'm not going to ignore him. I have no reason to , we were teenagers when we dated!! After about an hour he did approach me and we had a friendly hug and talked for a few minutes and I excused myself to bring my husband a drink. He had already had several casual conversations with my husband by this point. For the rest of the night my husband would not leave the ballroom unless I went with him. He even asked me to walk with him to the bathrooms...lol! As silly as I thought he was being, I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable, so I was more than willing to walk with him to the bathroom. I actually started to feel bad that he was feeling that insecure! However, There was still a small part of me that liked it because now he gets a small taste of what he's put me through and what it's like for me to knowing the OW still works for him and bringing me in to work with her. I live with the jealousy and insecurity on a daily basis. He only had to deal with it for the weekend.

Posts: 640 | Registered: Jul 2013
Fightingmad
Member
Member # 37330
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, October 4th (Friday)

It is amazing what a small taste of their own medicine does for their understanding of what we've gone through.

I too work with my WH's OW (in fact I got her the job prior to knowing)...


Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Married 10 yrs
Together 11 1/2 years
I've loved him forever
4 beautiful children ages 4-12 (one not bio his) but his through love


Posts: 597 | Registered: Oct 2012
HardenMyHeart
Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I suspect your WH is actually more afraid of losing you than of you having an affair. I'm sure if felt good to punish him, but you may want to also reassure him that you are committed to R and making things work.

Shortly after D-day my FWW was concerned about me having an RA. I made it very clear that I would divorce her before I would ever cheat on her.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Posts: 5634 | Registered: Aug 2007
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, October 4th (Friday)


I too work with my WH's OW (in fact I got her the job prior to knowing)...

What a nice way of thanking you for helping her get the job! Wow! Some people..

Posts: 640 | Registered: Jul 2013
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, October 4th (Friday)

What a freaking wake up call for him! Love it! He probably never thought you would walk away from him or someone else could take you away. Now he's worried. And that is awesome!

My WH had a similar wake up call shortly after I discovered his A and he was living in an apartment down the street from our house. A relative started sexting me (no! I did NOT initiate it! I only messaged him a question. I did flirt a little back but it was a really weird time emotionally wise and I am not speaking to him now at all). As i started to feel WH was trying to be more open with me I confessed to him about the messages. At first he was really quiet and then he changed the subject but a few weeks later he told me he was really upset. OW is 1600 miles away. The relative (by marriage) is two miles away and we have to see him at family events (however, I currently refuse to go to any gatherings he will be at.)


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, October 4th (Friday)

I suspect your WH is actually more afraid of losing you than of you having an affair. I'm sure if felt good to punish him, but you may want to also reassure him that you are committed to R and making things work.
Shortly after D-day my FWW was concerned about me having an RA. I made it very clear that I would divorce her before I would ever cheat on her.

I agree with this too though. I mean..I was joking a little bit in my comment, but it is a wake up call to him, probably, that he could really lose you. It's probably another reminder to him of what he could lose because of his mistake.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
wanttogoforward
Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, October 4th (Friday)

I understand how you feel.... since my H's EA and the subsequent removal of his head form his rear he has been different in the aspect of other men near me....

Recently I came home from work and shared how I was walking down the hall with some work in my hands looking at it when a new guy... temporarily in our building asked if I was a Ms. or MRS.... I found it to actually be more uncomfortable than anything and just wanted to run away. I wasn't sure what it meant... well H clearly thinks the guy was flirting or trying to flirt... and he did not like it one bit. In fact he started to try to look and research the guy online.... which upset me because the guy was a 'nothing' to me .... inconsequential other than feeling uncomfortable.
In some ways I think he deserves to feel jealous... and on the other hand when he acts that way I just feel high anxiety and sick like maybe 'I' did something wrong... but I didn't.
I, like everybody I guess, want to have others see me as attractive... but the anxiety after his reaction is not good at all.
I am glad your H seems to get it.... I guess a little jealousy never hurts as long as he doesn't start to accuse or make you feel as though you can't do things or go places... or have a life. Afterall, you did nothing wrong.


Posts: 1178 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

I guess I never really thought about it like that . I just assumed he was worried about me having an affair. Makes sense. It's funny how the ws suddenly starts getting jealous and appreciating what they have.

Posts: 640 | Registered: Jul 2013
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 4:48 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Shortly after DDay 2 I went to visit a friend from high school who was in the area. My H had met him, knew he was handsome, successful and charming and still had a thing for me (unrequited). I didn't ask him, I told him I was visiting him. It made him crazy! I enjoyed that.

I did talk frankly with my friend, cried on his shoulder. He was supportive and also made me feel great about myself. However I told him if we were to stay in touch it had to be okay with his wife.

My H actually said that this guy was so great that he deserved me; at the time he felt that he did not. Now he does.

I think it was good for him to get a small taste of his own medicine and good for me to see that a great guy found me attractive. But care needed to be taken as well.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1728 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

I am actually struggling with his reactions a little. There is no other guy flirting with me, but H texted me a few times yesterday at work. I didn't respond for awhile because I was super busy. When I did- he was short and a little pissy because I didnt call. He reminded me of my mini breakdown the other day when he sai he would call at lunch and never did.
What I want to say is "seriously? Are we playing tit for tat now?I got upset and insecure so now you get To make me feel like shit for not texting you?" Almost like he was saying , "see, you do it too"
Yah... No. No I don't. I didn't cheat. I didn't have a boyfriend for over a month. I am trying to respect his feelings, but this whole "rules for you, same rules for me thing" is pissing me off a bit.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 6:00 AM, October 5th (Saturday)]


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

Yeah, that's not cool Wondertwin. Not the same thing and I can't believe your husband even went there. He has no reason to feel that way...you do. Don't let him get away with that.

Posts: 640 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 11