SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: trying to move past this
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, October 4th (Friday)

WH was here last night, we are talking and trying to figure out a way to get OW out of our lives

OW ended up calling last night while he was here, we didnt answer it but she left a message, she wanted to know if he was on his way home, told WH what she said and he said "I am home"

So now our dilema, getting OW out of our lives. I got upset with him and told him he brought this into our lives, he made this happen.

WE are trying to work things out and hope we can, but having OW in our face and posting pics on FB is going to be a real pain in the ass


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I don't know you exact situation but:

1. NC letter from WH to OW that you approve stating the A is over and she needs to GTFO.

2. Change phone number(s).

3. Block email address or get new email adddresses

4. Block on facebook. Or better yet, remove yourself and/or WH from facebook.

5. Contact attorney to have a letter drafted stating that if she continues contact it will not end well for her.

6. If they work together, have WH change jobs if possible.

Those are just a few things. Others could probably give you other options as well.

So sorry you have to deal with this.

ETA:

"I got upset with him and told him he brought this into our lives, he made this happen."

You are absolutely right. He needs to making this a safe relationship for you. He needs to be doing all the legwork here to get this OW to disappear.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 10:26 AM, October 4th (Friday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1018 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

I agree with everything RyeBread said.

No Contact = No New Hurts.

In some cases, as in the case of a persistent OW/OM, NC has to be a very proactive thing.

It might be a good idea to sit down with your husband and discuss a few scenarios that OW might try to contact him, and determine ahead of time how it will be handled.

So sorry you are dealing with this. Best of luck to you.


Posts: 6129 | Registered: Dec 2010
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

I absolutely hate that he brought this plague into our lives, he is the one that cheated but it affects our entire family.

Thankfully the OW doesnt have her license or a car, lives 2 hours away, but she doesn know where we live and can show up at anytime with the help of a friend (cause I am sure she has some nutcases that would bring her in here)

Some family have added her on FB and I have some of them blocked on my FB or just deleted them when they added her, but I am thinking about writing them a letter to explain to them that we are reconciling and if OW asks them anything about WH or me, they need to respect our relationship and not give her a window into our lives.

Our lives are forever altered by WH's actions and it is going to be a very hard long road, but I hope its worth it in the end

WH does not use the computer, but has a cell and I have requested he get a new number, he doesnt work with OW, so that's not an issue

The only way OW can contact WH is through his cell or our landline, and maybe through her new friends on FB, so I really hope they have the decency not to be the go between OW and WH, one person knew about the affair so he is an issue for me.

Time will tell


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Some family have added her on FB and I have some of them blocked on my FB or just deleted them when they added her, but I am thinking about writing them a letter to explain to them that we are reconciling and if OW asks them anything about WH or me, they need to respect our relationship and not give her a window into our lives.

That will probably be a waste of time. If they added her as a friend, the only way they will respect your relationship is by deleting her. Failure to delete or block should be met with you keeping them out of your lives so they don't have anything to use to give her a window into your lives.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3930 | Registered: Sep 2005
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I wish you luck! I hope he doesn't go back to her when things aren't rosy on your end. Sending you strength,


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, October 11th (Friday)

OMG, OW just doesn't give up, called here last night at 11 p.m. We didnt answer it but she left a message

Looks like we will be changing the landline and getting it unlisted

She just cant take the hint

Been thinking about the people that have added her on FB and they are not friends of our relationship

WH's brother and his wife - they think they are perfect and everyone else is inferior to them, got to see the sneaky side of this brother when their dad passed away

WH's cousin who knew about the affair all along, well one word describes him, he's a man whore, different girl every week

Wife of WH's co-worker, well this woman was a OW at one time so she has no morals

WH's cousin's wife - close to the brother and sister in law so very similar outlook on life, thinks shes better than everyone else

These people are never going to be a part of my life again and I made this very clear to WH, they are members of his family and I dont need to have anything to do with them

Got a rough road ahead of us, really hoping it works out

[This message edited by sunshine226 at 4:17 PM, October 11th (Friday)]


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 7