Just Found Out
User Topic: just found underground phone. What do I do?
New Member
Member # 40500
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, October 4th (Friday)

I just found my WH's second phone. It's an iPhone. He left it under the couch plugged in. I can't get into it. What should I do?

Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 38399
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Take it and see if someone here can help you unlock it. Don't say anything to him and watch him squirm. I guarantee he won't say anything to you about it and if he does tell him you don't know what he's talking about.

Me BS: 42
WH: 44
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9

Posts: 139 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
Member # 21529
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, October 4th (Friday)

I wpuld take it and put it somewhere where he will never find it. When he is looking for it - let him explain that!
So sorry this is happening to you!

DD 18
DDay Marchish 2006
Let it go........

Posts: 215 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: land of oz
New Member
Member # 40500
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, October 4th (Friday)

I'm taking it to one of my girlfriend's house. Now I know why he's been on edge all day. I just called him and asked him when he was coming home and he was already edgy. So I just be calm and nice?
Please, if someone can tell me how to get in to, let me know. It's a code. It doesn't have his normal code on it. He had it charging and hidden under the couch.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 4th (Friday)

You act cool calm and collected. You take the phone and the charger away...far away.

Sent you a PM

Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."

Posts: 1541 | Registered: Jun 2012
New Member
Member # 40500
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Did I over react by taking it? Now I'm second guessing myself. I had a feeling he had another phone but he kept denying it. He stays upstairs all night and when I come upstairs he gets mad. Hes also had crazy mood swings out of no where. The ow is moving soon so I hoped I would get my husband back w her out of the picture. I took it because if I didn't, I may never get a chance to see it again. I'm worried about how he will react. He probably will get so mad he will leave and I have 2 small children (one less than a month old).

Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, October 4th (Friday)

You keep that phone.
If he asks, you have NO idea what he's talking about.

Keep trying to unlock it.
Use simple codes y

ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, October 4th (Friday)

I doubt he will ask where the phone is. If he does, you ask him, what phone? You told me you had only one phone. What phone could you be looking for?

He'll get mad? Fuck him, you need to be mad. If he leaves, fuck him. He was going to leave for any little reason you gave him if you messed with his little fantasy.

Stay strong. (((duststorm)))

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9798 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Have you looked at your Private Messages duststorm?

You didn't overreact. You did the right thing.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9798 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, October 4th (Friday)

You were in the right. He is in the wrong. IF you are afraid he will harm you please seek shelter with family, but you need to hold on to that phone. I once read that men will usually use a birthday, a graduation year, a wedding anniversary or a family member's birthday or anniversary as their code.

Please keep us updated!

Keep the contents of that phone when you go to the attorney because there is NO way he should still be talking to her!

Did I over react by taking it? Now I'm second guessing myself. I had a feeling he had another phone but he kept denying it. He stays upstairs all night and when I come upstairs he gets mad. Hes also had crazy mood swings out of no where. The ow is moving soon so I hoped I would get my husband back w her out of the picture. I took it because if I didn't, I may never get a chance to see it again. I'm worried about how he will react. He probably will get so mad he will leave and I have 2 small children (one less than a month old).

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Can you have anyone with you when he gets home?

You did the right thing.

Those things aren't cheap. Where did he get the money for it? What did he use to pay for it? He may have a secret credit card, too.

Sending thoughts of strength to you!!

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

Posts: 3085 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, October 4th (Friday) did the right thing. You know nothing. Think Sgt. Shultz from Hogans Heros ( if you're old enough.).

Try the OWs birthday or last four digits of her phone number. If you can afford to, use a website to get that information.

Hugs to you and stay strong. You can do this!!!

[This message edited by crestfallen at 5:29 PM, October 4th (Friday)]

Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
New Member
Member # 40500
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, October 4th (Friday)

It's his old phone that he used before the company gave him his work phone. He used to imessage her on that but I dug through it. Now he leaves that phone down stairs for me to look at at any time. He's home now and I cooked dinner. He hasn't said anything yet and he's been upstairs. No family here, but plenty of friends. Im going to play dumb. I suspected he had another phone.
My blood ran cold when I found it. This is horrible.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Be strong.

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 385 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Yes it is horrible. (((Dust storm)))

This means he has been lying all along.

I'm so sorry.

Dday -9/24/2012

Posts: 1750 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Take it to the genius bar at an Apple store and tell them you forgot the code. They may be able to reset it. If they won't call Geek Squad or someone else and have them get into it for you. It can be done.

White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, October 4th (Friday)

You give that phone to a friend and have her take it to Apple and get the code (she can tell them she forgot). This way you can truthfully say "what phone? You have. Phone. It is right there. What phone are o looking for? He won't want to go there. Trust me.

What you find will determine next steps. Stay cool and unruffled and know that your demeanor is driving him batshit. I always found that to be inspirational.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29663 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 4th (Friday)

You're right to take it. Just gaslight the hell out of him. Pretend you don't know anything. That he must be forgetful or mixing up his lies, confusing his A with his M.

Lean on the people here and get support where you can IRL.

Your WH needs to see you be strong, that you don't need a man child with a GF. You need a real man, who can do right by his wife.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11225 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Wait for somebody to call it. Once you get an incoming call, answer it and then hang up. Voila! The phone is unlocked!

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, October 4th (Friday)

The apple store will not reset the password for you, if they agree to touch it without proof of ownership or the associated iTunes password, they will likely wipe it clean for you to re-synch with your iTunes.

]If the phone has the find my phone app on it, he can activate it remotely and see exactly where the phone is. Power that sucker down, pronto. The app can't give its location if it's turned off.

If it's an iphone5 and he downloaded the new ios7 software, the phone may be set to wipe clean after a certain number of failed password attempts so think hard about what likely passwords would be.

You may be able to make him crazy with the missing phone, but you may never get to see what's on it.

Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9

Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, October 4th (Friday)

It's normal to 2nd guess yourself. I just cleared out WS hidden bank account and I 2nd guessed myself the whole way. I almost put the $ back and it would have been the stupidest thing I could have done, done only out of fear. Fear of what? That he might cheat? Bwahahaha ummm...he's all ready doing that.

Anyways, keep the phone and act stupid. He may say, "hey I was charging my old phone have you seen it?" OR "Joe from work gave me his work phone to fix have you seen it I need to give it back; joe is freaking out".

Don't fall for it. You are doing great! Keep your cool, and hopefully someone can help with breaking the code. I will say that sometimes I take photos without unlocking my phone and I find my phone ends up unlocked after. Maybe try that but just know if you can't unlock the phone those photos will be there so make sure the photos are of something really obscure.

BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 883 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, October 4th (Friday)

He may not ask you where it is, he may just use the find my phone app, if he has set it up.

I lost my phone a few days ago, thought it was left at the supermarket, used find my phone and was able to located it in my house.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2122 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, October 4th (Friday)

You can hire a private computer specialist to help you get in. I did this. When my husband committed suicide I paid someone to open up his iphone and his computers. It can be done. I have done it.

White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

If you take the iPhone to your friends house, can your H trace its location using. "Where is my iPhone". I'm not tech savy, but if he locates the phone by that method he will know you know.

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 18606
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

At one point, I discovered a secret phone. I wanted to see if WH was still seeing OW. So I called the carrier (AT&T) and with his social security number and by disquising my voice to sound male, I was able to change the billing address (his parent's house) and have the phone bill sent to our home. What a surprise it was when I got the bill and had a record of all the calls with the OW.

SO....if you have a male friend and your husband's social security number, you might be able to go into the Apple store and get it unlocked. Also you might be able to go onto and with his ID answer security questions (mother's maiden name? etc.?) and change his apple password so you can get into it.

Married >7 years, together ~9 years
Discovered affair - March 11, 2003
Filed for divorce - March 31, 2003
Divorced - May 5, 2003 (waived 90 day waiting period)
New Job - May 12, 2003
Bought Own Home - May 6, 2003
Adopted a baby girl!-August 2006

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Oregon
Member # 23987
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

There are lots of YouTube videos for how o get around the pass code ... Here is one

Good luck!

Posts: 843 | Registered: May 2009
Member # 40639
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Can't say strongly enough, be careful. Too many unsuccessful tries may wipe it. If it updates operating system (a new os just came out),it'll wipe the deleted info which can sometimes be recovered. And he may be able to track it and find it. I wouldn't get a friend involved, I'd take it to an attorney's office for safekeeping. If you do get it unlocked, you can recover some deleted info if the memory hasn't been overwritten. Be careful.Best Wishes!

dday: 1/19/13
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

i second the tracking of the phone and the ability to wipe externally.

check out the videos they generally work :)

OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 3:03 AM, October 5th (Saturday)


"phone? What phone? WTF are you talking about *some* phone? WTH are YOU doing?"

If he wants to be *jerk* enough to have a 2nd phone....then YOU need to be *jerk* enough to completely deny that you have it. (bad thing is, though, that if it's an iphone.....can't he *wipe it* remotely if he set up that feature?)

OR you could just confront him with it and demand that he give you the passcode for it RIGHT NOW......(then all the cards are on the table)

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8079 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 3:39 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Just a thought - if it is his old phone, did he get a new number when his work replaced his phone? If he got a new number maybe he hasn't changed his number on the old phone. If so ring it yourself and answer the call to get into it.

BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

On our old iPhone 4's all you had to do was hold in the power button and home button at the same time for like 4 minutes to get around the passcode. Not sure about the new phones though.

Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
SI Staff
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

A general reminder for all. Investigative advice and tips belong in the Itips forum, which you can access with 51 legitimate posts and an upgrade to a premium membership. Thank you.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

He may say, "hey I was charging my old phone have you seen it?" OR "Joe from work gave me his work phone to fix have you seen it I need to give it back; joe is freaking out".

Yeah, tell him then why hide it under the couch to charge it?? Smells fishy.

But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 615 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 36888
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

TURN IT OFF!!! Until you have a way to keep it off the cell networks keep it turned off!!! I know lots of exclamation points and caps, but he can use find my iphone to make it beep make noise, show it on a map, whatever. Yes he probably won't do it while you aren't around but can do it when you are out of the house. Also it will prevent him from remote wiping it!


Posts: 214 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 29142
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, October 7th (Monday)

A friend of mine locked herself out of her phone a few years ago. Not sure if they changed it, but all she had to do was plug it into the computer where it was registered and it unlocked. Not sure if you can get away with doing that at your place, though.

Me: BS
Him: WXH DDay-11/22/2009~ D~ 10/25/10
OWhore: Co-worker (7 years younger)
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." AND THEY DID!!!

Posts: 1141 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Maryland
Member # 40903
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Don't feel guilty! You did the right thing. I found out about my BF betrayal by logging in to his email and guessed his pw on the 2nd try. He tried to make me feel guilty for invading his privacy. I'm surprised he hasn't asked you if you have seen it which makes me wonder if he reported it missing and had the number switched to a new 2nd phone.

Me: BW, 37
Him: SO, 37
No children
Committed relationship 13 years
Dday: July, 2012

Posts: 51 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, October 7th (Monday)

OK so you found a hidden phone, so you know he is being dishonest. What more do you NEED to know? He is lying.

Personally, I would gift wrap the MF'r, and have it and all his shit sitting on the front porch for him. You need to play hardball. You will not nice him into being good, you won't save your M by rugsweeping, and hoping all is well when OW leaves town.

Many of us who have successfully R'd were able to do so because we did risk it all. Kicked them out, filed for D, whatever. It usually takes something very significant like that for the WS to wake the hell up.

So I would gift wrap it, with an overnight bag, and a card that simply states. I am done, I have given you a gift of trying to save our M, you have ruined it, with proof of continued lies and betrayals. The locks have been changed, and You will hear from my Attorney. IF he really wants to save his M, this will be the kick in the butt he needs to know you are quite serious, and are going to demand the respect you deserve.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, October 7th (Monday)


tushnurse makes good points.

You need to play hardball. You will not nice him into being good,

I too am a strong believer that you cannot nice people back into the M. You know he is lying. You do not need to know what is or is not on the phone, just assume that your worst thoughts are true. You do not need to play games with him about missing phones either. Instead of you finding proof of his cheating, make it his responsibility to find ways to prove that he is NC, done with his A, and that he loves you and wants to be M to you. HE can figure out how to be transparent and prove he is where he says he is and that he is not still flirting with his OW co-worker.

If he wants to keep working with his AP, have a secret phone to stay in contact with his AP away from work, not talk to you about how he was wrong and how he will change, well then he really has told you all you need to know.

FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4133 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, October 7th (Monday)

How awful, I am so sorry. Have you been able to get into it yet?

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Secrets Kept
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, October 7th (Monday)

I second everything "tushnurse" said.

Or it will not stop!!!

Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 218 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, October 7th (Monday)

The suspense is killing me. If the SOB has a laptop, maybe just plug the phone into that and it'll automatically sync. Not sure. I've had one for two years and I still can't operate it well.

Hardball honey. Don't mess around.

Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Duststorm hasn't posted for days. Wonder what happened with the phone.

D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8109 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Agreed EasyDoesit and k9lover1

The suspense is killing me!!!

DustStorm, what's up?? What happened? Did you get in the phone? Did he find out?
We're worried about you, for you? Hoping you got answers and truths out of this mess!


(I really should of thought about my initials when i registered as FoggedIn, FI just looks bizarre! well I guess I was Fogged In at the time, truth is, I still am!)

D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
Topic Posts: 43