User Topic: He said he doesn't love me...
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

He said he "cares" for me and always will be he doesn't love me and probably never did. I thought we were doing ok until my postpartum depression hit. But apparently I was wrong about so much. I put my oldest 3 kids through hell when I divorced their father and now it looks like I'm about to do it again. I asked if he would consider counseling and he said no. So I guess we are done. I feel like I have wasted this entire year trying to work through everything with him after his extramarital activities and now I'm leaving broken. I would have been better off had I left a year ago.

D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

One of the most painful things too hear from a WS is the "I love you but not in love with you" line. I'm so sorry for you.


WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Anemie, I am so sorry for you and your children.

It takes a special kind of a$$hole to break up your family knowing what they have been through in the past.

Are you in counseling? I would also consider counseling for your children to move them through the painful process of another divorce.

Please meet with an attorney and know your rights.

There are many members here who will help walk you through this if you take the D route.


Posts: 7606 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, October 5th (Saturday)


I don't think he truly knows what the words "care" and "love" mean. His behaviour is only a reflection of his emotional capacity - it is not yours to own.

Please do see a lawyer as annb suggests. You need to protect yourself and know your rights. Please take care of yourself, see a doctor or counselor as you need.

I know how difficult this is. The very best thing you can do for your chidren is to show them how a healthy person responds to adversity. Change is a part of life, but we are able to navigate through it, take ownership of our lives, and move forward in a constructive way.

Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17109 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Is he still in the affair? It sounds like he is underground and in "lurve" with his AP.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

No he is no longer in, they both ended well before I found out.

D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
New Member
Member # 38513
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Dear Anemie:

So sorry. Your H is a selfish man right now. Maybe he will get better, but who knows. Nice to figure this out after he impregnates you and all. All cheaters are selfish first and then everyone else is just a side line - until they get a lot of help and are willing to get a lot of help.

I know how busy you are. If you can, please eat only healthy food - a lot of vegs/fruit/water and exercise as much as possible. Work on your health and body and your mind will follow along.

Stop worrying about him right now - he is lost. You are not. Eat right, work out, play with your kids and tell them everyday how lucky you are they are with you and how much you love them - everyday.

Posts: 39 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Hugs to you I'm sorry you are having to deal with us I know if my WS said that I'd tell him to get out right then and there keep strong for you and your kids

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

Is he still in the affair? It sounds like he is underground and in "lurve" with his AP.

I agree with this. He just randomly came out and said this? Maybe it's a new AP?

Either way, i'm sorry you have to go through this so soon after your baby. At all really.

Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

I think he is still in the affair too. Or some affair.

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

You were all right it's a new affair person, it's been going on 3 months, our baby is only 11 weeks old...

D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

Oh no! I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine having to go through this with an infant. It's a special kind of cruel.

All I can say is that I agree with the notion that your WH has no idea what love is. None at all. He's an empty selfish shell of a man who has the emotional intelligence of a third grader. (no offense to third graders)

Please gather your thoughts, drink and eat whatever you can stomach, take care of your babies and see a lawyer immediately. Know what you can and can't do with the assets and get the correct information regarding child support and whether you are entitled to maintenance. Don't wait on this or else this black hearted soul may waste your share of the money and assets while you are busy caring for an infant. Take back your control no matter how hard and how much this hurts.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2848 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

I am so sorry for your pain. My heart hurts for you. {{{anemic}}}

Do you have family close by that you can lean on right now?

You are stronger than you know ~ you will get through this.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2124 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

Thank you for the kind words. I outed WH to the OW, he told her he was getting divorced and we hadn't had sex in months. I set her straight, I did get some truth out of him, it started when he was looking for sex on Craigslist and met her on casual encounters, all within a week of our son being born. He has continued to have sex with her multiple times a week since then. I don't know where to start or what to do but I think I am finally done.

D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

Anemie, I am so sorry for what has happened. The only silver lining I can see is that at least you know now, and not years and years down the track. Now you can focus on your wonderful children and your little bubbie.

What a cruel and heartless man your WH is for saying that he "probably" never loved you - I am not sure that even if he did feel that way (and I dont think that he did) that it was necessary to tell you.

Wouldnt it be nice if he just had the balls to say "I cannot handle the responsibility of marriage and children, so I am off"

Please take care of yourself.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 15