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User Topic: Freeloader family members
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

So, this is not my issue at all but rather that of a friend and I am curious.

4 siblings who have lots of kids and elderly but capable parents. It is their brother's turn to host Thanksgiving. Both he/wife work but they have refused to host Thanksgiving. They haven't hosted anything in years.

No one has addressed why he won't host they are just angry that he is not hosting. Mom offered to host but one of the sibs refuses that offer bc it is bro's turn and she feels bro is getting off easy yet again. She is angry that mom et all are rug sweeping.

At this point no one is going anywhere. Pretty sad but wondering if anyone out there has this issue. Did you discuss it? Did anything get worked out? Would you just go to Mom's and everyone bring a dish? I mean....its Thanksgiving for heaven's sake!

I just don't even know what to say to my venting friend.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2112 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

Other than suggesting they discuss it with the brother or saying "I can understand your frustration", I don't know what else you could say.

There may be a valid reason why the brother and his wife don't host, but if they aren't willing to talk to them about it, then they will never know.

Personally, I cannot stand the thought of hosting events at my home. It gives me great anxiety. It's not about not wanting the responsibility or taking a turn. I'm more than happy to help anybody else and even contribute money, time, etc...to said event as long as I'm not hosting it.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

Yes, I can see the anxiety in hosting. It's not a comfortable place for some people. I usually freak out just before the guests arrive!

I did suggest my friend speak to her brother with the other sibs about this. But....it went from bad to worse. Well....it is not my issue is it. I really wish people would start communicating with one another - what does Brene Brown say? Chose discomfort over resentment.

So damn true!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2112 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 3