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Reconciliation
User Topic: R with a passive aggressive spouse?
sparklezombie
Member
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, October 6th (Sunday)

Anyone here trying r with a passive aggressive spouse? Wh is definitely pa and I'm wondering how r would even work for us. Is it worth trying, etc. we are in mc now. Only been to our new mc once so far so we haven't really gotten into much. Just wanted to see if anyone is r with someone like this.m


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 251 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

Bumping so that others who can related, will read and give advice.

Posts: 35801 | Registered: Mar 2011
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

Hi sparklezombie...my WH is the definition of passive aggressive. I have been reading a book called closing the passive aggressive defiance gap which has some great info.

My advice, it is kind of like doing part of the 180. When my WH gets all sulky and closed mouth I just leave him to stew and go about my own business. He comes around eventually and spills what is bugging him. I do not show in any way that his behaviour is bothering me ( even though it drives me crazy...it's like dealing with a two year old). It actually makes him nuts that I am ignoring him. It is as if they are looking for a certain reaction and when they don't get it the behaviour stops.

To be honest when I look at our past history...his passive aggressive behaviour turned me into a self conscious nervous wreck who coddled him. When I went 180 on his ass because of the affair, his behaviour changed and in fact he mentioned that I am more the person that he fell in love with.

Good luck. It is hard I know but it can be manageable with a little moderation of the way we as BS react.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

FWH is pa. Drives me batty sometimes. MC has worked with him somewhat on this and sometimes now FWH sees he is being pa which is improvement. I think FWH pa will be with us always because it is a part of who he is but he is more aware of it now.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Topic Posts: 4