Hi all, I havent been on much, its been school holidays here in Oz and well, say no more.
I had a bad weekend. For reasons apart from the situation with my FWF, I have been facing a lot of issues in my life, and been peeling back the layers of the onion. The death of my mother, the breakdown of my last marriage, the abuse by my father - I have been dealing with it, and that is hard.
I didnt realise (duh) that as part of that process I would also feel the loss and grief that I experienced a year ago when my FWF was unfaithful.
Well, this weekend I sort of lost it. I cried a lot, was really angry and distressed. He was kind of helpless, didnt know what to do and so did all the wrong things.
I was up until 2am this morning crying while he slept. It was like I had ripped a band aid off, but to be honest, I think it was a good thing.
He sent me this email this morning:-
"I am sorry that I didn't react the way you wanted or needed me to yesterday. I feel that when you get sad and upset about what happened you lash out and that is the reason why I am reluctant to reach out and hold you. I am not sure if it is fear on my side of being hurt or just uncomfortable in that situation or maybe both. I know what I should do but struggle to do it, I will try to work on that so I can provide you more support. I will not turn my back on us and will not walk away, I am more committed to this relationship than ever before.
I love you."
I like his honesty and acknowledgement. I feel so safe knowing that I can go through what I did and he gives me such commitment.
So hope here too.