We are doing MC and IC. He says he wants to R. He says he is remorseful, but he's parroting words as far as I'm concerned--words that he's read in After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You. Maybe there will be more headway after our MC appt tomorrow.
He says he is trying to be more thoughtful because it's always been about him him him (that's a new acknowledgement, which is good), but he's falling down on that job. Words are cheap.
We had a friend (who knows nothing about the A) over for dinner last night, I cooked (which I enjoy), WH set the table, made sure he had a beverage and our friend had a beverage but nothing for me. I called him on it by gently saying "Remember we talked about your being more thoughtful? There's something missing at my place." He used a resentful voice and asked what did I want to drink.
Slightly embarrassing moment ensued, as I replied in kind and said "Don't speak to me like that because you dropped the ball. I'd like some water please."
Today, met SIL & BIL for brunch--they are also unaware of the A. He had a beverage in front of him, and I had mine in front of me a tiny bit off to one side. He reaches to where my glass is--totally bypassing his own glass, which is full--and takes mine and drinks it. I draw his attention to it & commented about his being self-serving instead of thoughtful.
He has a long way to go. I'm working on myself and issues, and issues that I couldn't address because he never told me, I didn't know we had them--even when I asked about some things--and I'm not omniscient.
His actions are telling me he is a lazy, self-centered bastard who is living in a Happy Hank-centric world, and he needs reminding of how to behave as a thoughtful and compassionate adult.
His actions also tell me that change is difficult for him when it's not about him, or when it's not serving him in some way...and I acknowledge that could just be my frustration putting such a negative spin on things.