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Reconciliation
User Topic: What does this say about him?
starmoonchild
Member
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

So my H and I were discussing what would happen if he went back to the OW and I told him that he would be cut off from his grown children, his relatives, etc., that they would not want anything to do with him after I took him back 3 times. He said, "Well only for a short while, maybe a year." What?? What does this say about him? Is this an indication that he's been considering it? To me it seems to be a very strange reply for a man in R for 10 months.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

That does sound like a strange answer. The outside consequences shouldn't be the motivation to change though. The disgust with himself should provide the motivation he needs.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
starmoonchild
Member
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

True, and he has been extremely remorseful from day one of the R...which makes his comment even stranger....why was this thought even in his mind?

Posts: 72 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
SSmile
Member
Member # 37696
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

I wouldve kicked him in the teeth...(We are almost 12 months out, trying to R)


Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else
would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-unknown

Posts: 84 | Registered: Dec 2012
SSmile
Member
Member # 37696
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, October 6th (Sunday)


Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else
would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-unknown

Posts: 84 | Registered: Dec 2012
HardenMyHeart
Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

Is this an indication that he's been considering it?

I don't know your H or your situation, but yes, he has probably been considering it for some time. Sometimes a WS begins an affair as a way to transition out of the marriage. They are looking to have a new support system in place when they decide to leave; especially if they know their current friends and family would not approve of the new AP.

You may find the following book to be helpful:
Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane Vaughan

This is not an affair book, but it will provide valuable insight as to where relations go wrong and what spouses will do when they are considering leaving the marriage.

So sorry for what you are going through.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 11:23 PM, October 6th (Sunday)]


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 29 years, Happily Reconciled

Posts: 5622 | Registered: Aug 2007
Topic Posts: 6