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User Topic: Just so wrong
Joanh
Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

I was reading on another forum, of what my affair has done to my husband, And its devastating. I have no way to say sorry, and there is no way to make up for taking away his history his life as he knows it there is nothing I can do to give that back to him, There is nothing I can do to repair that.
There is nothing compared to it , death, abuse nothing I have lived through and dealt with that have betrayed can come close to what I have done.
I thought maybe I could relate. with what I have lived through, but how do live through that. I've allways known my life, I know that he loved me through these past 17 years, he doesn't have that anymore, he doesn't know what was real life and what is make believe.
How do I give him any of that back.
When I was abused it changed my perspective of that person new they were no longer safe,and it has caused self esteem and self loathing issues for me but it did not change my history. It remained constant. When I found out my grandma new what my grandpa was capable of that changed my thoughts on some of the times together but it didn't change my history my life.
This change my husband whole entire last 17 years , makes him wonder if any of this marriage was real or was it all lies.
How do I help heal that. How do I give him his life back:-(
If I new 17 yearsago I would inflict this much pain on my husband I would never have asked him out. I wish I knew then how unsafe and unhealthy of a person I really am.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
20WrongsVs1
Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, October 6th (Sunday)

Joanh, I wish I had the answers, cuz I need them too. I hope we (all) can make it through this.

Have you had IC for your CSA?

I wish I knew then how unsafe and unhealthy of a person I really am.

My therapist says we do the best we can at the time, with the tools we have. And to remember that I love my BH and our M was not a mistake. Our family was not a mistake. All you can do now is get healthy, be safe, and move forward. We can be remorseful, loving, and honest...but I''m not sure we can give our BSs their lives back. Only they can decide what they want, and how to get it.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1229 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
cluless
Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

WS here, I do feel for you. I think society makes "cheating" so desirable and easy, people don't really ponder the severe impact it has on the betrayed.

hugs.....


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Topic Posts: 3