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New Beginnings
User Topic: Losing hope......
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Helpless  Posted: 8:45 AM, October 7th (Monday)

I've been fighting bronchitis now for almost a month. Its gotten down to a mild sore throat and a small occasional cough but I still cough up nasty gunky stuff. Now my poor 14 month old is coughing and doesn't feel well. I wanted to stay home but I'm out of sick leave so I couldn't.

On top of that... my marathon is less than 3 weeks away. I was too tired yesterday to do my scheduled 16 miler. I slept almost all day. I am "planning" on attempting the treadmill tonight for an easy 8 or 10 and then trying to fit in the 16 miler this Saturday as my last long-run. In my training I had gotten up to 18 and I know that I can run a marathon with just an 18-miler under my belt as I did that with my 1st marathon and ran 4:39. (PR). I just don't want to quit yet. I've been wanting to run the MCM for years and I've trained SO hard for this!

On top of that....I'm broke as a joke. My low beams on my stupid GMC Envoy won't work and I don't know what's wrong with it and don't have the money to fix it. I barely have money for anything. I'm basically living in the negative right now. I have medical bills going to collections and I'm just losing all hope. I sell things on Ebay to make ends meet but all that does at the end of the day is help me buy food. I'm just at a loss.

I don't know how much longer I can make it. Sometimes I wish the bus I'm riding would just run me over and put me out of my misery. I don't want to do any of this anymore.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
timeforchange
Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, October 7th (Monday)

Ah Shelly hugs to you.

Not sure what advice to offer but just wanted you to know that Positive thoughts are coming your way.

Is requesting an increase to a decent amount of child support a possibility?

Hugs


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, October 7th (Monday)

Hang in there, Shelly.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7515 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 7th (Monday)

Is requesting an increase to a decent amount of child support a possibility?

Social services allows him to get away with the bear minimum of $65 a month since he is "technically" unemployed ....although working under the table for cash and his momma supporting him living in an apartment and paying over $400 for his other 2 older children's child support....

I know this is going to sound bad and a cop out. But, sometimes I think it would be easier if something bad happened to me. I am so tired. So tired of being broke. So tired of constantly worrying about bills. So tired of being tired. My daughter has so many people that love her... I feel like I wouldn't even be all that missed. My sister and I fight all the time... its like we are an old married couple. I can never make her happy. Never. I feel like I will always be single which at this point doesn't even matter to me anymore. I used to care...but now I just think relationships are all doomed to fail anyways and I'm better off alone.

I'm just tired. Sick. Exhausted. Broke. Miserable.

Just tired.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 10:02 AM, October 7th (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, October 7th (Monday)

You need to go to a doctor, you may have pneumonia. I coughed for a month before I finally went...

You need to just keep trying, cut corners somewhere. Anywhere. Make a change in your life. Look at your bills and figure out where you can cut. Go to a food bank for a few weeks. Have you looked into tutoring yet?


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4108 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, October 7th (Monday)

Shelly

I was there when my DS was little.

1. consider filing bankruptcy if it will alleviate your monthly burdens. Dealing with collection agencies who could get a judgement and then garnish your paycheck is not a good place to be.

2. I ended up downsiizing apartments to a larg studio. It sucked with a toddler but it alleviated so much $$$ stress that it was worth it. It saved me hundreds a month in rent plus utilities went down.

3. revisit the child support thing. You should be able to ask for a reviw once a year or so depending on your state. Supeona his financial records if you have to.

That's all I've got for practical solutions.

Lots of hugs!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8435 | Registered: Apr 2008
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, October 7th (Monday)

I've looked into the downsizing places....my rent is fairly reasonable and the only thing cheaper would be a one-bedroom and it wouldn't save me much a month. Bankruptcy wouldn't help me that much either as my biggest problem is student loan debt. And, the end result of that could cost me a my job since I'm an accountant. I don't want to take that chance. If I ever got laid off again, trying to get another job in the finance field would be near impossible with that on my record. I don't know what to do. I'm going to try to catch up the medical bills when I get my bonus in a month (IF I get one)....but I guess I just have to wait....I don't know.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, October 7th (Monday)

Have you talked to a Bankruptcy Attorney yet?


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4108 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, October 7th (Monday)

I'm so sorry. It has to be horribly stressful with a toddler and feeling shitty for over a month.

Do you have other family or friends who may be willing to watch Piper on weekends so you can work a seasonal job? Some extra cash saved over the next few months may help out.

Also, are there any opportunities for higher paying jos in the area? It's almost like you always have to be on the lookout and that's one more stressful thing to do while working and caring for a baby. But, there may be some opportunities for a bigger salary and less stress.

What about the loan people and trying to negotiate for a much lower payment? I know you've posted about that before, but wasn't sure if they would agree to that. You can't be forced to have no way to support yourself and your child all in the name of higher education.

In the meantime, I agree with everyone to figure out where the corners can be cut and to revisit the child support issue. If he's working and you can snap a pic of him working to show the court, he won't be able to get away with paying a pittance of child each month.

Don't give up, hon. It's hard now, but you will get there. You will find a way to make a change and things will get better.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2753 | Registered: Jan 2011
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, October 7th (Monday)

Did you ever ask your XH to sign the papers to lower your student loan payments? Have you told the medical bill people your situation? Many are willing to help with lower payments if you tell them. My mom wrote several letters after my uncle got into an accident and most of the people lowered their bills, worked out a lower payment, or did the work pro-bono after the fact.

Didn't you say you went to the doctor? Can you afford a trip back? I'd hate to see your daughter get sick too.

((Shelly))


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4139 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
waiting2see
Member
Member # 13767
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, October 7th (Monday)

You are a marathon runner! Life is a marathon. When you think you can't go on, you just do.

You are a runner. You are a survivor and your daughter is lucky to have you as an example.

Rest, re-group, and go on!

You've got this!

hugs.


me: BS
him: XWS

Much of your pain is self-chosen. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923

"It's not livin' that you're doin' if it feels like dyin." Ray Lamontagne


Posts: 1930 | Registered: Feb 2007
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, October 7th (Monday)

This ^^^^

(I'm going to yell here...sorry)

But first YOU MUST REST. (end of yelling)

If you don't, you will probably just get a whole lot sicker.

Consider sidelining yourself until your lungs are completely clear and you have your energy back.

I used to get bad bronchitis and it went on for-e-ver. Nothing is more draining and cmego is probably right, it could be getting to the pneumonia phase. Ugh!

When you are better (and you will be) consider taking a weekend job until you can get back on your feet.

Also think about downsizing to a place where you can walk (or run) to work and get rid of your vehicle if at all possible.

Nothing is more draining on finances than an aging car.

Big hugs.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17294 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
hummingbird8
Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, October 7th (Monday)

Does it cost to run in these marathons and races you do? Can you start just running for free and forgo the races until you are better financially?

Posts: 469 | Registered: Aug 2009
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, October 7th (Monday)

Does it cost to run in these marathons and races you do? Can you start just running for free and forgo the races until you are better financially?

I only pay for races when I get taxes back or when I sold my car. It does cost money but I only do very few races a year and I pay for them well in advance because I never have spare money month to month.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Shelly.....now is the time to seriously think about food stamps.

It's people who are in your situation that the program was originally started for.

Can you talk to someone about getting the student loans re-worked for a lower monthly payment?

Hang in there girl. It will get better.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6495 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Shelly, you need to look at your priorities here. I realize it's a huge part of what makes you feel good about who you are, but if racing costs any money at all, then cut it out of your budget for now.

Any spare cash you get needs to go toward survival here.

Access any services you can get and look for a part time job. Focus on debt repayment. It's the only way out of this mess.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17294 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Shelly.....now is the time to seriously think about food stamps.

I make too much money for food stamps or to qualify for any government assistance whatsoever. Trust me. I've checked.

I don't smoke. I don't even buy wine or beer or keep any kind of alcohol in the house because its a luxury I can't afford. I don't do any real extras. The 2 or three races I do a year doesn't make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. But, THOSE things would. My sister and I have had that argument. She tries to justify her one pack a day habit to me and complains about money. That's $150 a month or $1800 a year in cigarettes alone. That assumes that's all she smokes and we won't go into alcohol. I've cut my budget pretty close. I haven't bought myself clothes in years. (which you can tell by my appearance). I'm doing the best I can. It just doesn't always feel like enough. And, the people that watch my daughter for me now already do too much because they watch her for free and I'm very fortunate for that kind of help.

I guess I just need to suck it up to a bad patch in my life and keep going forward as best I can. I don't have a way to work a 2nd job without having to pay for child care which would defeat the purpose of the 2nd job....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Could you work at home doing books or something? Babysitting? You're probably set up for that, being childproofed and all...

[This message edited by FaithFool at 12:58 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17294 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Could you work at home doing books or something?

If I knew how I would? Work in my area is so scarce I don't know if I could find any doing something like that but it would be a nice option! Unemployment is pretty high in my area and jobs are far and inbetween. It took me 8 months to get my current job after my last layoff!

Babysitting is a possibility, although my place is REALLY small and I know that demand is pretty high in that area. Most people that do private babysitting around here have credentials and experience and I have none.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:00 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
alphakitte
Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Possibly answer to Envoy low-beam problem.

Link: http://www.justanswer.com/gm/57l54-gmc-envoy-xuv-sle-head-lights-won-t-turn-on-worked.html


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, October 7th (Monday)

I would call every temp agency in the state to see if there are any opportunities for typing, editing, or doing books as a telecommuter from home. There has to be something that will allow you to pick up some work to make more cash.

If you can't telecommute, maybe there are some places where you can bring your daughter to work. Our health care clubs around here offer babysitting services. Maybe there is a local gym where you can do the books or handle memberships and Piper can be there with you.

Rest up so you can feel better and start making some calls and trying to make this change. Even if you just do one thing every day to try to reach the goal, it's a start.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2753 | Registered: Jan 2011
monarchwings
Member
Member # 39891
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Hang in there..I am sorry its so difficult for you. Start looking for work for bookkeeping and babysitting. Your reasons might be legitimate but you may just be in the right place at the right time. Have you thought about taking a loan out on your 401k. What about finding accomodations with another single parent. Shared rent, shared utilities, not being the only adult all the time.

You need rest to recover. Its better to to run the race with a slow time verses no time. I think all this stress is making you sick. Its unreastic to continue on your training schedule. Your body needs a modified schedule. What if you collapsed and really hurt yourself on race day.

And PLEASE do not ever talk about not being here for Piper. She would *never*ever*ever* get over that. She needs and deserves a healthy mom more than anything.

You will survive this difficult road.


Posts: 95 | Registered: Jul 2013
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Possibly answer to Envoy low-beam problem.
Link: http://www.justanswer.com/gm/57l54-gmc-envoy-xuv-sle-head-lights-won-t-turn-on-worked.html

Thanks for the tip on this! My dad is pretty good with cars and said he would check this out after work today! Keeping my fingers crossed its something simple! All the other lights work fine! Just the low beams are not! WEIRD!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Could you move Piper into your bedroom with you and get a roommate?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13658 | Registered: Jul 2011
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Shelly....just reading all the suggestions is overwhelming for me, so I can only imagine how you are dealing with it all. And being sick on top of it.

Please realize that we all love you and adore Piper and we are just trying to help the best and only way we know how.

Hang in there girl. It WILL get better.

{{{hugs}}}}

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6495 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, October 7th (Monday)

PM sent, She11y.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24799 | Registered: Aug 2011
foreverempty
Member
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, October 7th (Monday)

((((Shelly)))) Hugs from Wales!

You can do it!

Nothing more to add than has already been said.


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, October 7th (Monday)

What about care.com? Could you add yourself there as a babysitting provider? I used to have to pay $5-$10 an hour plus tip for one kid on Friday and Saturday nights when I worked those shifts. You could probably make a nice bit of grocery/gas money babysitting.

If you haven't already take an infant CPR and regular CPR class. Not sure what else you would need for babysitting?

try elance.com or other online sites to find contract book keeping work.

laydown the law to XH. he needs to sign the forebearance form. seriously what is he going to do if you quit paying? take you to court? so what? he gets a court order? you're going to pay with what money? he can pull his head out and protect everyone's credit or he can deal with the hassle and headache of you not paying.

you may not know where to start with babysitting or freelancing but start trying something...anything to get the ball rolling. It sounds like a couple hundred dollars a month could make a difference.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8435 | Registered: Apr 2008
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Take care of your bronchitis first. I had it last month and it is debilitating. Don't try to suck it up and start running again until you are cleared of the bronchitis because that will only make it worse.

If you are already working full time, that is enough. You have a baby and you have to be exhausted all the time. And basically you will only make a bit more that will go into taxes and childcare...

I know you don't qualify for food stamps. The restrictions are pretty strict and it isn't easy to get them so if you are full time in accounting you aren't going to qualify. However, look into your churches, food pantries, and soup kitchens. I just volunteered at one last week and it was actually very nice and they don't turn anyone away. The workers are very cheerful, the food is good, and it is kept very clean. Do you qualify for W.I.C.? They have a higher income bracket and you may make that cut....

Food pantries are not just for the unemployed. They are also for those working and struggling to make ends meet. Also, find the Community Action Agency in your area and make an appointment with your family development specialist (if they have one). If they don't have one, just let them know your circumstances and see if they can help in any way.

Head Start is a nice program that feeds the kids and helps educate them and is great for working single parents. Also, look into energy assistance (through your community action agency, or ask your energy provider). They can help you out also with a little relief for your energy bill.

There's help out there and it's rough right now. There are so many people working hard and struggling. There are lots of resources but you just have to know where to look. Good luck!

ETA: Oh, also, check if there is a SHARE organization in your area. In our area, for a $20 fee, you would get around $50 in groceries plus all the bread products you could carry.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 7:52 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15187 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, October 7th (Monday)

It sounds like you might qualify for a forbearance from your student loans (probalby not deferment if you are working).

There are also Income-Based Repayment plans that limit the amount you have to pay in student loans to 15% of your income.

Some of those programs add years, and therefore more interest, to your loan. But if you are really struggling now, you might be better off lowering your monthly payments now.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
Sadwife222
Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Medical bills can be negotiated. Tell them your story and ask for a discount or waiver of fees.


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Concerned  Posted: 8:16 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Today my sister called me at like 11am and told me my daughter had a temperature of 100.9. I immediately called my doctor's office who told me that if it went up anymore to bring her right in but for now to monitor her and give her baby motrin and tylenol, plenty of rest, and fluids..... so my sister did. I went out to my car...because I felt like crap...and was upset....and fell asleep in the fetal position in my drivers seat... A. because I didn't really have the gas money to spend to drive to visit my daughter during my lunch break and B. because I could barely keep my eyes open at my desk I was so tired from being sick myself and not having the sick leave to take to stay home and rest. That's how I spent the last 40 minutes of my lunch hour.

It killed me not to be at home with my sick girl.

THEN...to top that off... my boss knew that she was sick and at 4:45pm gave me a project. I asked her if she needed it today and she said yes...... so I called my sister ....who was thankfully very understanding and kind and told me not to worry and I stayed at work an extra hour over finishing up the project.

I think I cried for a solid 20 minutes in my cubicle.....silently.....while I did my work. I cried because I wanted to be with my sick daughter. I cried because I wanted to be a good employee. I cried because its so damn hard to be the ONLY parent. A GOOD parent....a GOOD employee.... and balance all of those things.....

I can't imagine having 2 jobs..... I would probably never see my daughter....which is the only thing about a 2nd job that bothers me.

My eyes have been bloodshot for a month now.... my sister said I have bags under my eyes. I don't know if its lack of sleep....the bronchitis....worrying.... or dry eyes.....or all of the above.....

but....I'm tired. Tired of being tired.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:17 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
purplejacket4
Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Please call the business office of wherever you owe medical bills. We do not like turning over people to collections.

AND you need to be evaluated again, if you try to run that marathon that sick you will get pneumonia.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2126 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Please get yourself to a doctor and your daughter. You sound as if you are so sick you can't function. You need to rest. Please forgo the marathon training for now. I understand it's something you love but if you can't get yourself well you won't be able to run for a very long time. Please look after yourself Shelly.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1311 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I notice you have a habit of ignoring your body's calls for rest and pushing through. You went to that hash party when you were sick and ended up sicker. Now you're training when you're sick. Really, rest rest rest rest rest! How do you expect your body to recover if you are always telling it to stuff it and keep moving. Respect yourself. There will be other races.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5785 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
CheaterMagnet
Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

First Shelly, (((((HUGS))))) to you. I'm so sorry you are so miserable. I have to second the suggestion that you stop training and just rest. You sound just about worn out.

As to the financial situation, I've been there. Try your local food bank. They usually don't ask you to prove need, but even if they did I am sure if you showed them your obligations they would agree that you deserve some help. The food usually isn't great, but when I had to do this I got enough staples to help me get by. I even got milk and some fresh produce. And they had toiletries and other household items that helped a lot. I wasn't able to completely feed my family on what we were given, but darn close. I know it's hard to swallow your pride and the first time you go you may feel very out of place, but I promise you that it is OK. This is exactly why food banks were started. To fill the need where food stamps weren't available. You are the ideal recipient. A single working mother who just needs a little extra help.

Hang in there. You can do this. You've come this far, you can make it through.

(((((HUGS))))) one more for the road.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1008 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

(((Shelly)))

I had my students loans stretched out longer (like 40 years... which, yes is ridiculous!! but my payments became really low and I my plan is to later pay double to cut that 40 year plan down...later, when I have spare $). I also downsized living, and cut cable and phone, and also sell stuff on cragislist/ebay.

You are not alone.

I know what it's like to be poor - it's exhausting and depressing. So many gave great ideas for you. I'll add that I think you need some little luxuries added to your life. I aim for online freebies (usually I get a really good one a month). They are small things like a free granola bar or something. But it sure helps to have something fun in the mail instead of bills.
sorry if that is lame, but it's helping me get through these "lean years" as a single parent. I also hit the library for their story times with my kids (its free) and there are so many city events in the parks for kids. Heck HomeDept and Lowes has awesome FREE kids clinics where kids build pirate ships and toy cars- Piper will love those in a few years.

Hang in there Shelly. Piper wont remember how fancy your house was, or whether you drove a sports car. She'll remember that you helped her memorize the lines for the school play... and sat there front and center with a big grin on your face! And she'll remember you taught her to ride a bike... and gave her band-aids and a hug when she fell off and and scrapped her knee.


Posts: 474 | Registered: Jun 2012
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Hang in there Shelly. Piper wont remember how fancy your house was, or whether you drove a sports car. She'll remember that you helped her memorize the lines for the school play... and sat there front and center with a big grin on your face! And she'll remember you taught her to ride a bike... and gave her band-aids and a hug when she fell off and and scrapped her knee.

::sniff sniff::

She started walking less than a month ago and today I got down on the floor and held my arms out and she walked over to me and wrapped her little arms around me for a big hug and I picked her up and wanted to snuggle her to death....it was a nice moment. Perfect. She is my world.... my life. The only thing that matters to me.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
foreverempty
Member
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

She's a lucky girl to have you and your amazingly lucky girl have her too!

Can't help but be a little jealous of your Piper updates.

Really miss my little girl....! Hang in there for her Shelly! It will get easier.


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
Topic Posts: 39