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New Beginnings
User Topic: Me and my big mouth!
Bebba1171
Member
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, October 7th (Monday)

About a week after posting on this forum about dating my wonderful SO for a year, we just broke up!

I broke up with her back during 4th of July weekend for about a week or so. I think that one reason back then was my chronic low testosterone.

I did not go to some activities she wanted me to go to and I told her it was over if she really wanted to push me on that.

We decided last night/early this morning to end things.

Main reasons are all my fault:

1) I don't care for her friends. I am more of an intellectual and athletic person. Her friends like to drink and stay out well past midnight and they are not very worldly where I have been all over. I just don't enjoy being around them. She had dealt with that ok, but reached her limit recently when I did not go to New Orleans with her and her "peeps". I travel almost every week for work and hate being away from my dogs over the weekend.

2) I never introduced her to my daughter who did not want to meet her since she knew I was not serious. This upset XSO.

3)I declined to go out with her Saturday night since my son was home from college. I wanted to eat out with my son and talk privately about his freshman challenges.

4) I told her that I did not want to go to her cousin's house in Georgia for Thanksgiving, and her aunt's house in Northern Illinois for Christmas. I told her I needed to be home on those holidays to be with my kids.

5) I am far more moderate politically than her.

6) I am far more conservative than her financially. I like to save and she likes to spend.

She essentially decided that enough was enough, so it is over for now. May just be a tiff, but I don't think so. We did agree to only text once a week for a while and see how that goes.

She really does care a lot for me and likewise, but wants to look for a wilder guy than me!

I am a little stunned but OK with it. I am very thankful for the year with her which has helped me in so many ways. She feels the same way about me. We had some great times and some great travels. I especially enjoyed dancing with her and was a big disco inferno back in the day.

Going to take some time off and get prepared for some running races, and enjoy my dogs. I do have other female prospects out there, but will take my time on that.

I already told my 83 year old morning dog walk friend and she is happy for me. My neighbors next door that have adopted me are happy for me as well. They liked her but thought she was below what my standards should be. They still thought I would maybe marry her.

Darn, I am going to miss having a wild, good looking girlfriend though! My buddies thought I was really impressive.

You wonderful gals from SI may have to put up with some more messages from a new bus rider!

[This message edited by Bebba1171 at 3:35 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Sending you peace, Bebba. Sorry it came to this but I know you will be ok.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, October 7th (Monday)

((((Bebba)))) Sounds like you two had several compatibility challenges. You've got a wonderful attitude and outlook, your priorities are all in the right place, and I know you will be just fine. Onward.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25770 | Registered: Aug 2011
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, October 7th (Monday)

(((Bebba))) We have a lot in common. Most of the things you talked about are the reason I decided not to date after my divorce when my kids were in their last year of high school and one starting college. You can't get those years back. I am so happy I spent as much time with them as possible because it's gone now. Most men will not understand this and think because they are older it's weird to want to hang out at home on a Saturday night just to talk and be with them. Now I think back on those years times and I would never trade for a relationship. And that's what happens.

You're going to be just fine. Everything falls into place if you give it time.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7482 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
macakipa
Member
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, October 7th (Monday)

I understand how difficult this must have been for both of you. (((hugs)))

Onward and upward my dear friend


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Sorry, my friend. Also, you don't get to join the bus until you've been celibate 6 months :)

You're a great guy and you'll find someone fabulous!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3409 | Registered: Dec 2011
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Ugh, that sucks but you definitely jinxed it!

It sounds like core value differences for sure.. All part of the process.

Enjoy your newfound "me time".


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7772 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 7th (Monday)

since she knew I was not serious.
So I am sure you will miss the fun, but since you weren't serious, this will open up the chance for you to find someone you can get serious with. You two were not on the same page and it sounded like she was more serious than you, so it may be time for you two to part ways at this point.

((((hugs))))I'm sorry, I know it still hurts.....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15291 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Bebba1171
Member
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I want to thank you wonderful kind ladies for your words of encouragement and a couple very nice conversations last night.

Even though I give the impression I am ok, it does hurt inside.

I find that if I think about all the great times we had, and look at the many pictures I have of her; I really miss her.

On the other hand, when I think of the negative attributes she had; I don't miss her as much and know I made the right decision by not relaxing my standards.

So, I try to remain thankful for having met her and do know that my mind is stronger than my private parts if you can understand my meaning of that!

Thanks again!


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

It would have been exhausting trying to keep up with her. You had a good time, now it's time for YOU.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17551 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
wontdefineme
Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Remember why second marriages don't work most of the time, why first marriages don't work, why third marriages don't work? Because you marry the wrong type of person because you were in love but not really into the same things or people. You just thought Love was enough. Thank goodness she moved on to find a more "exciting" person, because you know how that works out when they do it before breaking up with you.

Enjoy your kids and realize that some woman who doesn't value family, especially yours, is not worth your time no matter how hot your friends think she is.


Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
amitheow
Member
Member # 4691
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

If you are incompatible, and it sounds like you are, then ... this is a good thing. It doesn't sound like you are a match. She wanted you to change and you're not going to, so ... NEXT.

I think she did you a favor, even though it does hurt. Don't take it as a rejection. Take as she felt moved to do something you would have had to do later on...

I'm sorry you're sad.


Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.

Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.


Posts: 5085 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Texas
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

You had a fun year with a wild, good looking girlfriend - - 3 months more than it might have seemed on July 4th - - and got out largely unscathed.

Claim victory. You are a hero.


Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
Bebba1171
Member
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Leopold, you are my new best friend!

I got really lucky to meet her and had a great year. She said she wants to end things because she knows that we won't be able keep each other happy long term.

I agree, but would rather enjoy the fun for a while longer.

It ain't going to happen though! No way am I going to be away over the holidays, start staying out late drinking with her friends, etc

She can become a different person at night. When she is with her pals, it wasn't attractive. However, when it was just us, it was pretty good!

We both are thankful for our time together. My choice to stop communicating.

Been studying the 180 again!


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

Main reasons are all my fault:
This jumps out at me. Look further into this belief. It looks like there really isn't a need to assign blame to you or to her. Sounds like it wasn't anyone's "fault" at all...differences in values, needs and wants. Pretty core differences, too.

Pain now vs. pain later?


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3213 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Bebba1171
Member
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Yep = wasn't really my fault or hers.

Wontdefine me hit the nail on the head. We were in love because we both wanted to be in a loving relationship, but had very different beliefs and values.

We both knew this but kept trucking along anyway having a good time.

She understands this better than me and articulated it very well in the last conversation we had.

She simply had enough and wanted someone to lead the same lifestyle as her.

She said she was lonely going to an IHOP near Bourbon Street in NOLA at 4:00AM by herself a week before our breakup!

Wouldn't catch me there!


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I'm 43 and the difference in lifestyles has certainly jumped in when I've been dating. When I was younger I was a helluva party girl - and I still can be - but I'm just really no longer interested in that. I'm much more interested in dinner and a couple of drinks maybe, watching a movie and in bed by 11. Does that make me boring? Not to the right person. Last night my BF and I had dinner and shopped for dishwashers for his house and then snuggled in front of a movie until we snuggled in bed. Boring? Maybe for some - but it was heaven for me. (And, yes, there may have been a little more to the snuggling, but that's not the point... )


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4614 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

Doesn't read as "faults" to me- your reasons sound perfectly reasonable!


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
macakipa
Member
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

She said she was lonely going to an IHOP near Bourbon Street in NOLA at 4:00AM by herself a week before our breakup!

Bebba, you know me, and you know I am fairly familiar with NOLA...all I can say is


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 19