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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: What if...
Gajit
Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, October 7th (Monday)

What if I see someone I am attracted to. (I know I am emotionally unavailable.)
They seem to be attracted to me as well but we have never spoken. Friendship maybe?

I need to make some friends. I stay in this house ALL the time except for going to church.
I seem to be consumed about my STBXH's feelings, or lack thereof. He is consumed with his work and is getting his physical and emotional needs met by MOW apparently. She is travelling with him and is always there when he gets off of work. She is 'stuck' in his hotel while he works.
Years ago, I was that person, only we were together, there was no one else. I loved that life, then life happened.
Is this a mid-life crisis for him or am I going crazy??
God help me!

[This message edited by Gajit at 7:32 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, October 7th (Monday)

I had several bandaids myself. I thought if I could distract myself then I wouldn't need to feel the feelings that were consuming me.

It held them off for a little while but it didn't bypass them - it only delayed them and IMHO it made them all the more intense because it made my life more complicated at a time when I was not equipped to handle it. I needed simplicity.

I know it is tempting but please remember - broken attracts broken. Give yourself time and space to heal and grow from this.

You are not going crazy - it is pretty normal. You're looking for something, anything, that can help you get through this. For me a lot of it was running away from myself too. We all know you can't run away from yourself.

((Gajit)) OW isn't healing him - she is helping him keep himself sick. If he focusses on her and the toxic dance they are doing he thinks he can avoid facing himself. In time this fades and he'll need the rush of someone new yet again.

Please read "She's Special" (second article down): http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/

And Romantic Infidelity
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Heal&Deal
Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Feeling connected and part of a community can be healing. There are many outlets to get you up and going again: volunteering, a new hobby (garden club or a book club at your local library), infidelity support group, etc. These types of things will build your confidence as well as help you begin interacting with new people.

While validation that we are still attractive and the emotional high of romantic interest can distract us from the pain and be exciting, it is a better idea to heal and get yourself in a healthy stable condition, first. Dating comes, as you probably remember, with a lot of highs and lows. Getting dumped, having to be the dumper, etc is not easy stuff.

Sending you mojo find an outlet for your talents and love that will help you form new connections in life. Biggest of hugs!


Posts: 917 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
Gajit
Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, October 7th (Monday)

Thank you for responding. It surely gives me something to think about tonight.
Sending happy thoughts your way as well.


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Gajit
Member
Member # 40665
Angry  Posted: 12:56 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

UGH...spoke to asswipe today.
He wants me to get a realtor to put the house for sale.

Ummm...excuse me? In our pendente lite order, we are told not to sell ANYTHING and to remain paying the bills as we have been (him sending me money.)

Besides, I am hoping to get "custody" of our house (and his truck which I use as my main mode of transportation)in the divorce decree so I can sell it for myself and my granddaughter to find a less expensive place to rent.

UURRRRGGGGGGHHHH!

Oh, I have joined a group from my church for women going through divorce. Will be attending it for the first time this Sunday.

[This message edited by Gajit at 12:58 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)]


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 5