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Reconciliation
User Topic: I don't think I'll ever trust him.
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Stupidly I updated our iPad. Well, the new update has "private" web searching. Meaning you can look at anything and it won't show up in history.

H says he's not using it. Says he gets it that behavior of looking at porn hurts me, but I don't think I believe it.

I have long ago realized I can not and will not police him. I realized today I don't trust him not to hurt me. I know if I was sick, hurt or in trouble he'd be there for me. The problem is that I don't think he sees what a slippery slope the pictures are.

Now I need to decide what to do. He's doing everything he can, but I don't trust him.

Is that just me or am I missing something that's making me feel this way? I don't know.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 663 | Registered: Jun 2012
pewpewpew
Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

You will, eventually.
To an extent.
You need to realize that the life you once knew and trusted, has ended.

You will find a new reality. A new relationship.

It's not easy. None of this is. Betrayal is a eye opener. It's earth shattering. Let it be. Feel all you should and go through the normal healing process.

You will get there, I promise.
Give it time.


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2013
I think I can
Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

It does get better, a lot better, but worry still flares up for me from time to time. And I check, and find nothing and it goes away.

I find that if I DON'T check, I start freaking out. So I just check, so my amygdala is appeased.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8807 | Registered: Jan 2008
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

That's the problem! With the private feature I can't check.

I could before and when I occasionally would check, always found nothing, but now it's not an option. I'm making myself crazy over this.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 663 | Registered: Jun 2012
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Our computer has this same stupid feature.

I hate it.

I just wish that I didn't have the need to check.

I wish there was a way to disable it.

I don't check a lot anymore just when the anxiety builds. Then sometimes now I think, why bother, he will do what he will. That seems to come when I feel like I don't care.

I don't know if I will ever feel safe again.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1310 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
I think I can
Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Actually, I do that too. FWH and OW work together--they could certainly be chatting it up (but I don't think they are.)

I check what I can, and tell myself that IF something goes on, I will find out about eventually. I will know what to do. I know I will be OK. It will be very sad, but I will do what needs to be done. Reminding myself that I have myself to rely on makes me feel calmer. So I guess I trust myself.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8807 | Registered: Jan 2008
lovemy3boys
New Member
Member # 40920
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

I'm going through the same thing! My hubby was sexting another girl (not physical)

I can't get over the hurt and don't think I can ever trust him again

I too refuse to 24/7 have to check up on him, that type of life isn't worth my time. They are grown men if they want to be jerks then fine.

Are you guys going to counseling?


Posts: 14 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: florida
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

No we're not in MC. We tried it and the therapist wasn't a good fit. I didn't like her.

We're rural and there aren't many to choose from. Plus there's the issue of a babysitter.

H didn't care for counseling very much. I think we'd benefit from it. If only for me to spill my guts about how I feel and have some one interpret it for H.

It seems like once he gets it and I feel validated I'm ok, but then another point comes up and it starts all over again.

I just want the life I thought I had back. I want to feel safe again. I want a H that didn't betray me. Infidelity so sucks!


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 663 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 8