User Topic: Totally lost it, good and bad.
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I got a call from STBX today. Her application to refinance the house and get my name off of it has passed the most critical hurdles. It looks like a go. The house is the last thing holding me here and keeping me from starting over After I hung up I finished what I was doing and then I lost it. It came out of nowhere. I felt every human emotion there is all at once. Sadness, hope, anticipation, fear, anger, joy, freedom, regret, name it. I had to pull over. I cried and laughed at the same time. When I looked up, my car was surrounded by butterflies. I've thought about butterflies for most of this ordeal. From crawling on the ground to the cocoon and finally turning into something beautiful and flying again. it was cold today where I am. They shouldn't be out.

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Sunsets, don't some butterflies migrate to/from the Gulf? They're just trying to show you the way.

I was feeling something similar today...a mixture of sadness and (in my case) indifference. My lawyer will be filing for me in the next few days...I've had enough. The sadness comes from the fact that i still love the woman I thought she was, and I am sad about her health. The indifference comes from the incredulity that she believes I have controlled her for years and that I have made her do things she hasn't wanted to. I gave her a daughter when she threatened to leave me if I didn't. I stayed by her side for 9 years and she claims I didn't care. I've just had enough.

Congrats on the house. You're almost there. And then it will be nothing more than an experience to have learned from.

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 734 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I am so sorry that all those emotions hit you out of nowhere but wow ... what a sign from above that your new beginnings is waiting for you.

I actually connected with butterflies too throughout this ordeal. I felt like my stbx had thrown a grenade in our lives which injured but didn't kill us while he walked away. I then visioned the children and I healing and starting our new beginning as butterflies. I actually found a picture of a grenade and a butterfly and wanted to share it with you.

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2281 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)


What an awesome post. Your cocoon is starting to crack open, sunsets. Of course it hurts, but what an amazing, beautiful, exciting, scary, incredible journey you're about to start on.

So happy for you, and so looking forward to when I reach that place too.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 932 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Those butterflies are tell you to get moving... You're almost there. I so know what you mean with the emotions all at the same time. I often think I'm losing my mind, but it passes and I just get back on track. You are human and have been through the ringer, friend.
Take good care of yourself tonight.

Update 09/28/14
Me - BS, 44
Him - WH, 46
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
Divorcing 09/28/14

Posts: 230 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I love this. The symbolism is achingly beautiful. What a sparkle moment.

The bouts of crying used to be crippling but now they are cleansing. I embrace them. I let them wash over me and make me clean.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5618 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Wow. Just... Wow! You were blessed with a moment of magic there.

Onward and upward. I'm guessing you are about done cocooning...

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17589 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Time to soar, like the butterflies, Sunsets.

Time to soar.

One summer I planted several different types of butterfly bushes in the yard and earned some pretty amazingly colored butterflies on them. Maybe in your new place if it's the right zone, a butterfly bush outside your favorite window could carry on the symbolism for a long time to come.

FWIW, the white bush got the most variety.

And all around us the world is changing...every aspect will be different in your new life and that's a good, good thing.

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Your post totally gave me goosebumps.

It will get easier...

And I loved what SBB said: This totally described how I've felt, but didn't know how to put it into words.

The bouts of crying used to be crippling but now they are cleansing. I embrace them. I let them wash over me and make me clean.

[This message edited by jackie89 at 10:42 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~

Posts: 519 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 9