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User Topic: And, my private hell continues.....now xsil is running too!!
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Frustrated  Posted: 9:39 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

So....its bad enough that my XWH and MOW have decided they want to be runners....but NOW...my ex sister in law.... the one that I RAN TO FIRST WHEN I FOUND OUT ON D DAY ABOUT THE AFFAIR THINKING THAT SHE WOULD BE ON MY SIDE SINCE THE LOVE OF HER LIFE CHEATED ON HER AND INSTEAD TURNED ON ME AND TOOK HER BROTHER'S SIDE.... is now running with XWH and MOW.

Oh joy joy....

So...now I get to see ALL THREE OF THEM at races! Well happy fucking family reunion to me every G ... D.... weekend....

Just kill me now. Another asshole in my age group.

I hope she's got lube...cause she's gonna get the same treatment MOW has been getting.......


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
foreverempty
Member
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Rise above them Shelly. Your a better person than all of them and none of them have your Piper! She's a dream!


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Well... I think my XMIL's karma is that neither her son or her daughter will probably have grandchildren and that woman wanted LOTS of grandchildren and she has none.

Take that! I have a beautiful grandchild and my dad is the best grandpa ever!!! I'm glad my XWH left me so that I could meet Piper's father and have her "surprise" me! She was the best surprise of my life!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

wow this is getting to be too much! Sound like they are deliberate trying to ruffle your feathers!!

dont let them!
ignore
ignore
ignore


Posts: 474 | Registered: Jun 2012
clralb
Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Damn, Sbeanz, you are really being put through the ringer.

Fuck them. For yourself, run races elsewhere.

You are tough, and this is not running away from them. You don't need to be subjected to their freakin' childish games.

Screw them. Run someplace else. Really, who gives a flying f*ck what they think? Think about you.


BS Divorced.

They were right about you.


Posts: 676 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Running is something that matters to you - focus on your joy and not the distractions. Take the high road and just ignore them. Keep your class Shelly.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4380 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I really think that you might want to consider laying off racing for a bit. Rediscover running for the joy and fun of it. (Extra bonus: no more race entry fees!)

Running is supposed to be a stress-reliever, but from reading your posts, it is doing the opposite for you. You can't move on and find happiness when you aren't able to go NC with XWH and MOW. You are seeing them all the time, which turns into obsessing about them -- beating them at races, etc. It doesn't matter, but you can't get to that indifference when they are shoved in your face all of the time.

I know it sucks. I'm a runner. I am sponsored and have to do a certain number of races every year. When XWH still lived in the area, there were certain races that I didn't do because I didn't want to chance running into him. Even if it was inconvenient for me or a race I'd done for a decade. Because I gave myself that space, I reached indifference, and if I were to run into him at a race now, he'd just be someone that I used to know.

Let yourself heal. Emotionally and physically, since you are suffering from nagging injuries/illness that could become much more serious if you don't rest. If you don't listen to your body, you could do serious/permanent damage and no longer be able to run anyway. It's not worth it.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3271 | Registered: Dec 2011
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I know it sucks hun but please remember - you cannot control their fuckery but you can control how much you let it impact you.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5455 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Are there parks with trails you can run on near you? Maybe you can just go exploring and see how many different trails you can find?

and... I'm sending my best shin-splints and plantar fasciatis vibes their way....


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1094 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
hummingbird8
Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

I agree with the poster who said stop the races and the obsessing over what the ex is doing.

I have a different take because my husband's (not the one who brought me here) ex wife is obsessed with our life. There was no affair in their marriage but he left her and she has been obsessed since we got together. To me it's sad. We don't think or talk about her and to know she puts so much thought into what we are doing etc.

I think you need to find a way for some IC to be able to truly move on. I don't think your anywhere close to indifferent on your ex, his family and definitely not the OW.

Also you said you didn't want to be away from Piper for a second job but aren't you away from her when you are running? I think of things are that bad financially running should be a free hobby and if your away from her it should be for something bringing in income instead of costing.

Good luck.


Posts: 454 | Registered: Aug 2009
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Fuck them. For yourself, run races elsewhere

Its hard to run races other places. I would have to travel out of town and I have a baby....which is not an option. My time is very limited so I have to race local and I only do a limited number of races a year anyways due to funds.

I don't want them to think they have "won" by scaring me away from doing something that I love to do. I think that's what they want. They want me to run away and hide.

I don't want to give up the one thing that I love to do. I don't know what to do.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

I don't want to give up the one thing that I love to do. I don't know what to do

Simple: Don't give up.

Obviously your glow of happiness at the runs is pretty awesome since they are all copying you hoping to also feel some of that.

Feel sorry for them and keep doing what you are going.

[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 9:33 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 474 | Registered: Jun 2012
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Its HAS gotten easier seeing them. I've come to expect it now and instead of having a full blown panic attack at the very sight of them (like I used to have)...I just have a small twinge in the pit of my stomach.... but usually once the race has started it goes away.

I no longer fear them passing me or catching me... (they never do or have) and sometimes I don't even see them until after the race (like this past Saturday at the zombie 5k)....I saw my XWH and a glimpse of MOW...and just felt slightly irritated.

I'm hoping one day I will "just get over it" as they say and not feel any reaction when I see them. We shall see if that indifference ever comes.

Someone told me that the day that I can run XWH's and MOW's "Fired up for the Cure" annual 5k/10k then I will be "truly over it" and healed.... but I don't know about that one. Right now ....all I think about when I think about "their race" is walking into the lion's den.... no thanks. Every single friend, family member, and coworker of XWH and MOW are there... all the people who turned their backs on me knowing what they did to me and knowing what a great person I am and was to him.... and I still just don't get it.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:40 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
hummingbird8
Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

The thing is who says they are "copying" her? Maybe they enjoy running and don't think of her at all.

One of the ways of getting over it is to stop thinking the ex, OW, or anyone is doing something because of you. Unless they are trying to make trouble or contact I would assume it has nothing to do with Shelly and she is making it about her and them. I don't think it's healthy for her to keep running in these races until she can stop thinking about them all together.


Posts: 454 | Registered: Aug 2009
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

I don't want them to think they have "won" by scaring me away from doing something that I love to do.

I think you should seriously consider phmh's advice. You need to step away so you can heal and quit worrying so much about what they all think. You need to quit playing the "exes game." You win when you quit caring about winning, when you have so much confidence in yourself that you do what you need to do and don't care what anyone else thinks or does.

If they are just doing it to mess with you, take a break and they will poof. If they are running for themselves, independent of you, they will keep doing so, regardless of whether or not you run races. You will know it isn't about you, and it won't hurt so much.

You don't have to quit running, just pause on races to heal, financially, physically, and emotionally. In two years or so you can get back to racing with a fresh perspective because it won't be about proving anything to anyone else, it will just be for you.


Posts: 3278 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

I only run races that mean something to me now...personal goals and what not. I have a "bucket list" of races that I want to run in my lifetime and want to mark through them one experience at a time! I haven't let them affect me in that way. I still follow through and do well in my races independently of whether or not they are there or not. I think "in the beginning" they did it just to get under my skin. Now I think they do it because they want to. Or that is my observation. They used to heckle me and yell and scream things and make hand gestures at me that 1st year of racing but they no longer do that. We all just tolerate each others existence like we would any other stranger at a race.

I won't let them keep me from running the races that are meaningful to me. But, luckily, I'm no longer with Piper's sperm donor who made me run TONS of races ....even ones I didn't want to run...taking the fun and meaning out of them for me and I would see them much more often.

Now its sporatic. I think its just been more recently because my races were clustered together these 2 months....but my next race is the Marine Corps Marathon on October 27th....and I know they won't be there... just me and 30,000 strangers.

Works for me.

I've found as the years pass by....that its getting easier and easier to see them unexpectantly.... and I know that time is the only thing that will heal that uneasy feeling. I'm okay with that.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:01 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 16