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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: His Parting Shot
NewMom0220
Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Calling this his parting shot is a bit premature since I feel like he isn't going to make this Divorce easy. I had to travel back to town (let's call it his town for now) yesterday for work. I'm hiring movers and my parents are going to go and pack my stuff out of the house for me. The summons has been issued and I don't want to get served at my old address, even though I've technically moved 3 hours away.

So I stopped by the house to make sure he didn't smash my belongings or do any damage. He took all of his things and furniture that was his out of the house. This must have been easy for him as I had already packed up most of his belongings in boxes during the last 7 months.

When I left last week, under the advice of my attorney, I left in the middle of the day. I only had time to get the essentials, pack up the baby, the dogs, clothes for me and I got the hell out of dodge. I had dirty dishes in the sink and dirty floors. I work full time, was taking care of a baby and two dogs by myself.

When I walked in the house I was a little scared. Was just going in for 5 minutes and there in the kitchen was a note for me. He arranged three bottles of cleaning supplies and left a note with arrows pointing to the cleaning supplies. He wrote:

These are called cleaning supplies. You should use them from time to time. This house is filthy and disgusting.

He also left the vacuum cleaner standing upright on my bed.

On the upside, he cleaned my dirty dishes for me. I wanted so badly to call him or email him and bitch him out. How can someone who abandoned their wife and 2 week old baby criticize me. And this was a long standing critique in our marriage. He did NOTHING around the house and expected me to do everything. We both work full time. He even used this as a justification for his affair...the one he had while his wife was pregnant!

He is filthy and disgusting. I will never let him know that his parting shot made me cry.....I know the further away I get from this situation, the more I'll see the emotional abuse I suffered from this 15 year old boy trapped in a mans body.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

What an ass. At least he just made it all the easier for you to walk away.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 923 | Registered: Mar 2013
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry, New Mom.

Same boat here, actually it's very similar but you had the courage to move before I did.

I am the stayed spouse trying to stay in our home but we're not being "allowed". I have a week and a half old son and a puberty age daughter and an elder cat, all high maintenance and no help.

X is wanting the money he thinks our house will generate but doing 0 to help get it ready for sale. It is deteriorating and is all I can do to do daily maintenance. I've started to live only in part of the house and shut down some of it and still can hardly keep up with these two kids.

Today is X's birthday and I am struggling to not send a greeting. He sent them on mine last year but he's caused so much more hurt that I can't bear to let myself, yet I will have guilt if the whole day and night go by and I don't. Why is that?

Yes, like you have, X spends much time fault finding and he uses this to justify his life with OW. He tried to tell me it was my fault he had an affair and cyber cheated in the first place! Then came back for false R and ran off again.

He does cleaning chores, but only minimum if someone of his siblings is coming or something, it's a very strange situation. Sometimes he'll get one to come help move his stuff out or do lawn maintenance.

We are out of wood, have no oil plan and he is complaining about money because he has a new place, but blaming expenses on DD, DS and me. This I don't understand or fall for.

Like you, I was packing his things for a while, trying to make room so I could clean and move in DS stuff, but I stopped doing that now. I realized that I was making it too easy for X and I don't want to anymore.

And today's mail had some bills he defaulted on that have nothing to do with me but got attached to my name!

No way, ho-say.

I wish you peace and like you, I try to ignore the barbs and insults, but it's hard.

He's pushing to tell me about his new life now, saying I won't be "afraid of it" if I know about it, but I can't stand it. He said if I knew OW I could relax and that DD will be safe there with him. I don't even know him anymore. ????


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2289 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
StepAside
Member
Member # 29826
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

He is filthy and disgusting.

and no amount of 'cleaning supplies' is going to help him out with that.


Me 48yrs, king of douchebagastan- 50yrs STD infected bankrupt NPD sociopathic drunk thief
countless A's, he is a predator that targets losers like himself
Last Dday 04/12/2010-Divorcing if/when his cumdumpsters lend him some $ or balls to file

Posts: 1521 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Ingersoll Ontario
wheelsup
Member
Member # 34809
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Too bad you can't leave something behind ... like say your wedding ring. With a note that has arrows pointing to it and saying:

This is a wedding ring. It means that you're committed to one person. You should try it sometime. No amount of cleaning supplies can clean the filth off of some broken marriage vows.


wheelsup

DDay #1 03/07/2011
DDay#2 04/08/2011
Four Children
2 DS 13, 9
2 DD 11, 6

In Recovery


Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2012
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

How cruel of him. I'm so sorry. He's a real jerk.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8086 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

What kind of psycho does that? Seriously.

Fuck.That.Guy.

There 'aint a chemical in the world that can make that fuckers conscience clean.

Let him knock himself out projecting.

Someday soon you will look back at this and you won't cry - first you'll get hopping mad and then you'll shake your head. A normal person does not do what he has done, is doing.

Scumbag.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
debbysbaby
Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

FTG FTG FTG FTG FTG

I hate him for you.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

See how smart you are to get away?!? He could not have done anything more appropriate to show what an immature ass he is than that stunt.

Happy new beginning for you. You get to make your life and your child's life whole, healthy and marvelous without that rusty anchor dragging you down.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 10:41 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2713 | Registered: Jan 2010
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

what an abusive POS. I don't know what else to say. You did the right thing by getting the hell out of THAT situation. Sending you hugs and strength and I want to encourage you to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Continue NC. He is an idiot.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

What a DICK!!!

FTG a million times over. He is filthy and disgusting and should hang his head in shame for eternity for what he's done.

I'm glad you moved far away and have the help and support of your parents. This guy is rotten to the core and while you don't see it now, it's actually a blessing that he made it so easy to run away from that M. Let him project his own filth onto someone else now.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Jan 2011
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

What an a-hole. I am sitting here fuming for you. So sorry you had to deal with that.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Anytime my ex does something stupid...I look at it as a message to me that I am on the right path and I made the right decision!

Good news is the further you get into healing; the less his BS opinions will matter.

Something that totally grates your nerves today, will just warrant an eyeroll down the road.

You will get there - stay strong!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

What a tool. And my son was a better man at 15.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry. He's an ass and that is just pathetic on his end. You don't deserve it.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Douchebag. Let his water out, ignore ignore ignor...lots of NC!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Zero response is of course the best thing to do... but my gut reaction to your post was to mail him a little something from the adult store with a note saying:

You know exactly what this is. You should use it to go fuck yourself. YOU are filthy and disgusting.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 919 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

NewMom, please let me translate that note for you:

I am an asshole. I'm going to say something snarky, mean, and totally unjustified to you because it makes me feel better about myself since I am an asshole.

See? It's not about your cleaning habits. It's all about him!

(((NewMom0220)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

You should have taken pictures and given them to your lawyer.

Or posted them on FB so everyone can see what a jerk he is.


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Just echoing earlier sentiments.....

- what a douche!
- FTG!

Stay strong and hugs.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"Iíve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". ĖMaya Angelou


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Fuck. That. Guy.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4687 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

What a butthole

Text him that he should have left some room deodorizer so you could get rid of the disgusting cheater-stench still lingering from him.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 615 | Registered: Mar 2003
k8la
Member
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Take pictures, send with documents your attorney needs, and let your attorney leverage the mental cruelty angle as well.

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2013
Iamhappytoday
Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

GIRL!!!!! Let me tell you. My ex was the same half-assed slob as yours, taking no responsibility for his carelessness and acting like I was the shittiest wife ever for not having the most impeccable of homes when he left a trail of destruction behind him. He picked the girls up for their last visit and you could practically only see the headrests of his truck seats (I secretly snickered!!) from all the crap just piled in there.
He sees me slowly getting this place (re)organized and it eats his sorry ass up. He would leave on deployment and within two days upon return destroy all sense of order.
I used to not believe it, but maybe I should reconsider what others on here have said:
He hasn't changed anything but the players;
You will be so much better when you just don't care about that asshole.
I get so excited when I think of the bomb that is going to be dropped on OW, who just got back from deployment. She's gonna realize life ain't that fantasy! and he's gonna wear himself out trying to change that perception. That's two tired ass losers. Let'em at it. You make girls nights happen, look at the awesome men who post here, take a nice long bath and read a book, and know you are worthy, better, valuable, and are doing the best thing, which is healing work.

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 11:08 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
NewMom0220
Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Thanks everyone! I just keep saying Sandra Bullock, Sandra Bullock, Sandra Bullock. Hopefully I've learned my lesson about keeping it classy as I've just reacted, reacted, and reacted to all of his bullshit mind games in the past.

Just glad I don't have to see his face everyday. And really, I think that's what is bothering him the most.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
NewMom0220
Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Thanks everyone! I just keep saying Sandra Bullock, Sandra Bullock, Sandra Bullock. Hopefully I've learned my lesson about keeping it classy as I've just reacted, reacted, and reacted to all of his bullshit mind games in the past.

No contact is the best. Just glad I don't have to see his face everyday. And really, I think that's what is bothering him the most.

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:41 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 26