SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: First antiversary is approaching
disillusioned12
Member
Member # 37542
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

This time last year my FWH was in the midst of his A. I was pregnant. My D-Day was one week before our child was born. Our child's birthday is the day I called MOW's H and told him about my concerns. I just think back to how happy I was this time last year, happy to have my FWH home from deployment, and happy because we were about to meet our baby.

Now, I think about how clueless and stupid I was. How he was lying to me the whole time and doing who knows what with his MOW. I still feel so much anger and resentment, so much pain and fear. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, just more tunnel. I'm beginning to think R is just a fantasy I'm clinging onto, but my reality is that the A is a deal breaker.

How do I get through this? How do I know if the hopelessness is real or just aftermath of the A? What are your experiences with your first antiversary?


BS (Me)
WS (STBXH)
Married 2 yrs; Together 6 yrs

D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold


Posts: 228 | Registered: Nov 2012
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

I'm beginning to think R is just a fantasy I'm clinging onto, but my reality is that the A is a deal breaker.

And it could well be, but it might help you to give yourself time before making that decision - or rather, wait until the first antiversary has passed. That time will be very painful and charged for you, no matter whether you're together or not.

I can see why there are so many triggers. For him to have cheated during what should have been a unifying and loving and supportive time - your pregnancy - must be very painful. I can relate, my H wasn't faithful during my pregnancy either. Has your H acknowledged just how hard a pregnancy must be - really acknowledge what you must have been going through and that even amidst the joy, there are still difficulties physically and emotionally? If he can acknowledge that and try to put himself in your shoes, he might really begin to grasp the enormity of his choices.

What would make you feel safe around the antiversary? Would it help if your H wrote you a letter on or around the antiversary, reflecting on his choices and giving you extra love and support on that day? Think about what will make the day more bearable for you. The first antiversary is the hardest, so be gentle with yourself.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3882 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 2