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User Topic: Hey Braintrust -
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

I need help with a response.

Background - a couple of weeks ago, ex-shat asked if he could pick Teslet up from pre-k, so he wouldn't be in daycare. I said okay, gave a list of days where this would happen (I coach a high school sport, so some of Teslet's days in daycare can be a bit long). I was clear that this was only happening until the end of October...hence specific dates.

He texted last night saying that he was being forced to work a double, could I please explain to Teslet. (He did this on Tuesday as well). Now, I don't have a problem with him bailing. I didn't want Teslet seeing him on these afternoons anyway, it has shot his behavior to hell. But since he could make the first right of refusal argument, I figured I'm stuck until the end of my coaching season. (Plus, I intend on using this when he schedules extended parenting time next summer with Teslet, as he works crazy swing shift hours and I'm off. All. Summer. Long.)

But here's where I need a little help...in the "I'm being forced to work a double...please feel sorry for me," text, he actually asks if it is ok for stripper whore to start picking Teslet up so that he can get a couple more hours of sleep.
This guy is clearly clueless about how parenting time works. (Ok, he's clearly clueless about EVERYTHING) The only reason he was getting to pick Teslet up from daycare (in my mind) was that a parent trumps unrelated people when it comes to caring for a kid. However, it is still my custodial time...which he fails to understand.

And why the hell would you ask your ex-wife if the stripper whore you knocked up can be a fucking taxi service for your fucking convenience? Fucking moron.

On what planet does this make sense? Oh wait, I forget, he lives in Shat-topia, where all revolves about the glorious sun of ex-shat. Sheesh, stripper whore's blow jobs have obviously blown his mind to the point he has no logical or reasoning skills left.

For fuck's sake.

Help me word something concise and 'ex-shat' understandable regarding this.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
MelisssaZZZ
Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

well in his mind clearly parenting time works as he wishes it to.

if i were you - would thank him for beeing accomodating and say something on the lines that you actually have a solution for Teslet.

also might add, that he sounds really tired and if we would like Teslet to stay with you for next his custodial weekend - you would be happy to


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 4yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

Any chance you can go crickets on this one? I honestly think I would be trying to ignore it. Daycare won't add her to the 'Authorised to Collect' list without your consent, right?

Fuck.Me.

If I had to respond it would be a succinct "No."

Although I do wonder if 'family' will include their whores if they get married. This is something I'll need to check with my L should it ever come up.

$50 he asks you to babysit OC one day. Actually, make it a $100.

That guy would be totes safe in a water system contaminated with brain-eating amoeba. Just sayin'. I'm a glass half full kind of girl - at least he has that going for him. Yay ex-shat.

FTG


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5436 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

Help me word something concise and 'ex-shat' understandable regarding this.

"No"

He'll ask why. Reply.

"It is my custodial time, and I say 'No'". Wait, 'custodial' is a four syllable word. Um, stick with "No".


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1545 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
hummingbird8
Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

I may be misunderstanding but if her picking him up would allow him to be in daycare less and spend time with his dad I would say sure.

If he can spend any time with his dad and sibling over daycare than I see that as a good thing for your son. It's not like he's not around her.

I understand its not the popular opinion around here but doing what is best for the kids no matter our feelings will do nothing but help them.


Posts: 452 | Registered: Aug 2009
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

I still contest that they eat lead paint in their down time, he and his stripperwhore.

I would definitely and succinctly say No, she will not pick Teslet up I have it handled. That's all.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7803 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

he actually asks if it is ok for stripper whore to start picking Teslet up so that he can get a couple more hours of sleep.

If the drive is a couple of hours...then i can understand the request.

But if he's saying that he wants to sleep a few hours WHILE his son is there....then probably not so much.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1693 | Registered: Sep 2012
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

I'm in the camp of if he CBF making an effort to spend time with his son then why on earth should tesla?

There are times when we do things that are best for the kids and then there are times we're asked to do things to enable these guys/gals to 'ring it in'.

There's a high road and there's a taking the piss road.

This is NYP (not your problem).

Doesn't he already spend half of his visitation working or sleeping anyway and stripperwhore spends the most of that time with teslet?

That what chaps my arse.

Truth be told he could easily still do this by just picking teslet up himself, dropping him off to stripperwhore then going to sleep.

Why he doesn't just do that is because he is fishing. He thinks tesla is the same as before. He mustn't have understood the memo.

Adding stripperwhore to the list of authorised to collect is just something I personally could never do. I am forced to parallel parent with the sad clown but fuck me if I'll parent with his whore.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5436 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

I may be misunderstanding but if her picking him up would allow him to be in daycare less and spend time with his dad I would say sure.
If he can spend any time with his dad and sibling over daycare than I see that as a good thing for your son. It's not like he's not around her.

I understand its not the popular opinion around here but doing what is best for the kids no matter our feelings will do nothing but help them

Generally, I typically would tend to lean in this direction, especially f he and stripper whore are living together so you know where Teslet is. I flipped out when xWW put OM on the pick-up list at the elementary school last year because he lives an hour away, would not call me if he got my kids and I don't have his contact information. I told xWW that I could accept him on the pick-up list for emergencies if she gave me his number, he had my number and he was willing to call me. That was the last I heard about it.

As much as it makes you sick, from your posts it sounds like Teslet would be safe with her and that she us willing to call you and work with you for his well being. In my mind that is all that matters. The past is over even though it still stings.

Daycare won't add her to the 'Authorised to Collect' list without your consent, right?

Don't be so sure. OM was added to the emergency pickup last year when xWW enrolled the kids into school. And she never told me. I blew a gasket when I found out from the school that he was on the list.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3332 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

How is her driving ability?

Will ex-shat be sleeping the whole time? As in, by having stripper-whore picking up Teslet, will this be making a precedent of parenting time for HER to have with Teslet, since ex-shat is going to be sleeping the whole time?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9301 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

he actually asks if it is ok for stripper whore to start picking Teslet up so that he can get a couple more hours of sleep.
I'll answer for you....oh FUCK no!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3179 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I am forced to parallel parent with the sad clown but fuck me if I'll parent with his whore.
AMEN!!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3179 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Bebba1171
Member
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I agree with GA.

For better or for worse, you are stuck with stripper whore for a while - maybe a long while.

Sorry it has to be this way Tesla, but it is the world you live in.

You may want to ask what Teslet prefers.

Key parenting challenge you have is picking the best environment for Teslet that contributes to his development as a well behaved, motivated child.

If being with your X and Stripper Whore is better than day care, then maybe you let this slide - even though it drives you nuts.

I sure have a lot of sympathy for the wonderful SI folks that deal with this kind of stuff.


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 726 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
PricklePatch
Member
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Wasn't there the walmart incident with stripper who're and of, showing poor judgement. Stripper who're driving and chewing gum would be enough for me to just say no.
Adding
Stripper who're ex shat equates bad judgement.

[This message edited by PricklePatch at 4:38 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BS
Fwh
sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 279 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

What's best for kids? ROUTINE!!! A long day in daycare with people you pay to care for your child, where he is exactly where he is supposed to be and ready to go when it is time to go home and start the end of day ROUTINE is the best call here IMO.

If Dad wants to sleep a few more hours, then leave him in the routine. Dad can come and get him when the sleepytime is over and he is available to SPEND SOME FUCKING TIME WITH HIS SON. He asked for a concession and then asks for a concession to his concession? HELL NO.

End of story.

I am of the opinion that stripper whore is a temporary thing at best. She is young and stupid, but there are better prospects for here and she will figure it out soon enough.

Stick to the routine. He is asking you to color way too far outside the lines on this one.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5608 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I'm in the camp of saying no. Caregiver is right. Your son needs routine and if your XH is going to be sleeping then he's not spending time with Teslet.

There is nothing wrong with kids being in daycare all day.

If I remember correctly, not only was there an issue while driving or something but they have broken up before and she moved out. If she is very young I don't see this as a long term relationship.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4695 | Registered: Feb 2008
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Either "No" or "First right of refusal applies to parents only, not step parents"


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13565 | Registered: Jul 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

There is no doubt that the answer will be no to stripper whore picking Teslet up. Here's the thing...this is extra parenting time he is asking for...this is not his scheduled visitation. Now, how he abdicates and/or delegates his parental responsibilities on his time is his business. But if he is asking for first right of refusal, he is not going to have stripper whore picking my kid up for him...that defeats the whole purpose. And while I am grateful that she can manage playing at this game...she is 'just' managing. She is not ideal nor someone I would ever choose to watch my son. If he cannot pick up his son on what is my custody time, then I choose daycare over stripper whore.
Here is the slippery slope that he is trying to get me to slide down: his shifts are changing from straight midnights to swing shifts after the 1st of the year. He will try to have his weekends midweek and they won't be consistent...some working weeks will last 10 days, some 7, some 5. He will be working swing shift as well. He has already asked if Teslet can stay overnight on tues or thurs. (I said no to this) No way am I letting Teslet's routine get messed up.

He is the parent. He needs to arrange his life accordingly to meet his parental obligations. I am of the firm belief that Teslet's life is not going to be screwed up and shoved into ex-shat's for his convenience. Ex-shat can learn how to man the fuck up and get his schedule arranged so as to maximize his time consistently with his son.

I just have a very hard time giving a succinct answer (see the post I just wrote) when a word will suffice. I also still feel the need to have to explain myself and my reasoning to this fool.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Hmmmm....not sure how I would word this exactly but the point of unscheduled visitation time is to actually be VISITING with your child, not sleeping. The child should have extra time with the PARENT, not the stipper whore. Kind of defeats the point of visitation when you are sleeping.

What kind of job does he work where his hours are like this?


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1561 | Registered: Aug 2010
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

You were accommodating and he can't accommodate - right of first refusal rules. Hmmm .... Would I rather a qualified person in a program I value watch my son or a girl who strips for a living and hooked up w a married man? Tough call.....


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4375 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Hmmm .... Would I rather a qualified person in a program I value watch my son or a girl who strips for a living and hooked up w a married man? Tough call....
Exactly!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3179 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, October 11th (Friday)

But if he is asking for first right of refusal, he is not going to have stripper whore picking my kid up for him...that defeats the whole purpose. And while I am grateful that she can manage playing at this game...she is 'just' managing. She is not ideal nor someone I would ever choose to watch my son. If he cannot pick up his son on what is my custody time, then I choose daycare over stripper whore.

I agree. If he is trying to get more time when Teslet is supposed to be with you and then he is having stripper whore pick up Teslet, that's not right. He also could be trying to show a case where he actually is having more time with Teslet and then use that against you to change the custody arrangement to lessen his CS payment. With these additional comments you added I would say to be careful. I don't know if he is smart enough to think of something like this but he might be.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3332 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, October 11th (Friday)

I would not allow it for one minute. If he was spending time with him that would be one thing, but stripper whore...Hell No!!!!

I was letting my DS8 go to his Dad's after school until I got off work.(He didn't work). Come to find out he had his OW watching my son and then wanted to have an arguement every night in front of my son when I went to pick him up. It got so bad one night I had to call the police in order to get my son. I immediately put him in Daycare and stopped his visitation except when I was ordered to let him have him. You say that Teslet is having problems when coming back from his Dad's, so that would be my clue that they didn't need him anymore than they have him now.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, October 11th (Friday)

I sent him my response. He sent me a baiting text. I sent him crickets.

This morning before school, Teslet's teacher calls me and says she received an email from ex-shat. Ex-shat wants to add his fiancee to the pick-up list because he needs to sleep.

I'm going to leave out a lot of details here because I just don't know where this is going yet...but the school decided until ex-shat produces something legal that their understanding of the divorce decree was that I got to make the call in this.

I heard from my lawyer, she says this isn't a black and white situation but she believes that my position is correct. She hasn't steered me wrong yet.

So ex-shat tried to goad me, then he tried to bully the school to get what he wanted. I guess that's his bark.

Now I'll wait and see if he has any bite.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, October 11th (Friday)

I nearly forgot...

FTG.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, October 11th (Friday)

For fucks sake. Is any of this about spending time with Teslet or is all of it about getting you to do the Drama Llama Hokey Pokey with him?

Out of curiosity what was your response to his request?

I heard from my lawyer, she says this isn't a black and white situation but she believes that my position is correct. She hasn't steered me wrong yet.

You would have to think they wouldn't add anyone both parents don't agree on unless there are extraneous circumstances eg. X loses drivers licence, breaks a leg or something like that.

I doubt him wanting to sleep whilst his whore spends his visitation with his child will cut it. I mean he doesn't live 4 hours away from school so it is clear he will continue sleeping when teslet gets there. Or is he fighting for an extra 30m of sleep?

This time isn't even for his agreed visitation, it is for his extra visitation. Aside from the fact that you believe her to be incompetent it sets a precedent so he could claim he is spending more time with him than he is and/or he is planning on claiming he could manage 50/50. Built-in, non-working SAHM, IYKWIM... there has to be more he is concocting here than 30m of sleep.

Fuck.That.Shit and FTG. If he can't manage visitation as it stands then perhaps visitation or his job require a revisit.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5436 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, October 11th (Friday)

My response: only you and I can pick him up from school.

It is technically correct. It is what we have done this year. And it puts the burden of doing the work of changing it on him.

He gains an additional hour of sleep by having his 'fiancée' pick Teslet up.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, October 11th (Friday)

The point that some of you are missing is that Stripper Whore is not the OWife; she is the OWhore. That makes all the difference in the world.

Stick to your guns. Having StripperWhore pick up Teslet is so that the exShat can sleep is not facilitating parenting time.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19803 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, October 11th (Friday)

"No she cannot pick him up." and I would go so far as letting the daycare know her name and description and that I do not and will not ever give my permission for her to pick him up no matter what the other parent says.

I don't think the daycare would be willing to release him to stripperwhore without some official document saying it's OK after you explicitly say it's not no matter what your ex says. That would be quite a risk on their part.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, October 11th (Friday)

I would also tell the daycare to not allow him to add her to the list of people who can pick Teslet up.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4695 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 30