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Just Found Out
User Topic: First really rough week after initial discovery
ascian
Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

About two months ago, I found out my wife was having an affair with one of our close friends...well, that's what I thought the guy was anyway.

It was a short affair, a month or so of physical, with the emotional side a couple months before that.

We've talked, a lot, since then. We're looking at MCs, though the start of the school year put us off of our game on that a bit (we both work in academia), and hope to make our first session in a week. Things have been going better than I expected them to, two months ago.

But this last week has been hard, and I don't really know why. We've slipped into old, non-communicative, habits. I'm having trouble talking to her about things, and she's avoiding talking to me as well. There's anger, and stress, and all of the crap we went through at first cropping back up again.

I know it's normal, that it's something to be expected. I'm tired of not smiling, though, and of feeling removed from the world. It'll pass, I've been through post-crisis depression before and come out alright, so I'm just venting some that "Gorramit, I want to feel better now! Wa wa wa!"

Thanks, SI, for letting me vent in a safe place.

(And, yes, I know that she's not talking to the OM. At least unless she's become surprisingly more technology- and security-savvy in the last month than she's ever been before).


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 301 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Only 2 months out?

Take a deep breath...just breathe...

You will have days and weeks like these. I still do. It can and will get better. I hope your remembering to look after yourself. Also, a walk out in the fresh air by the water helps me...worth a try.

I am so sorry for your pain and frustration


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
dameia
Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I'm over a year out and my WH and I are just getting past yet another of these rough patches.

They happen, they suck, and then they pass. It's such a long process that it can really be frustrating.

Is there any chance you guys can get away for an evening, go out for a nice dinner or a drink at a bar. Something you can both enjoy. It might help open up those lines of communication again.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.


Posts: 1168 | Registered: Jul 2012
DefiledRage
Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Ups and down ascian. Hopefully somewhere down the road the ups will be more than the downs.

All it means is that there is still a lot of work to be done on both sides. You on yourself, and her fixing both herself and you. That's her job, does she know that?

Its can be really hard when there always seems to be a dark cloud hanging over the marriage.

The key is not to let those old habits linger. You can has bad days and really bad days. However they must always lead back to opening those lines of communication back up.

I think this past weekend we were sitting on the couch and actually laughed together about something for the first time for 7 months. Honestly, it was the first time since dday.

Vent away, keeps you sane.


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 554 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Topic Posts: 4