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User Topic: Do any of you think it's appropriate
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

for a 13 year old girl to wear 4" stilettos to a formal school dance?

My DGD is a girly girl and loves frilly pretty things. DD got her a gorgeous formal dress for the occasion. It's short, just above the knee. There is a pair of beautiful 4" stilettos that DGD wants to get to wear with the dress. They match the dress perfectly. DD asked me if I think it's appropriate
for DGD to wear them, given her age. I'm kinda at a loss on how to answer that, although I'm leaning towards thinking it's ok. I told DD I'd check with my friends on here and take a poll.

TYIA for your opinions.


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

personally, I d only care about the dress... as long as the dress is appropriate (which it sounds like it is) 4 inch shoes would not bother me =)

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 4:18 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


Posts: 1394 | Registered: Jan 2010
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Thanks Gotta.

Yes, I think the dress is age appropriate.


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Can she walk on them?

My Dd is 12 and there is not way she'd be wearing 4" stilettos for a number of reasons.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37253 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Exit Wounds
Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Hell. NO!

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Yes, she can walk in them. Her mom has some that DGD walks around the house in.


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I donít think itís inappropriate, but if I remember Junior High dances correctly, girls are usually much taller than the gents, and end up barefoot by the end of the night. Iíd send her with some of those back-up flats that can fold up into a purse. Even if she is used to heels, she probably isnít used to 4 inches, and wonít have time to break them in before the dance.

Posts: 3397 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Has she ever walked in heels before? I feel they are more dangerous than inappropriate, although, depending on the style, could be inappropriate.

I mean, c'mon ladies, we all know what "f*ck me shoes" look like! (I think I learned that term from Sex in the City.)


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9711 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Cresita, she is 5'2" and her *date* is much taller than her.

Great idea to send a pair of flats with her.


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
heartbroken0903
Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I don't have kids, but I like Crescita's idea.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried. Reconciliation is a process and I still struggle.


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Sister, they're definitely not "f*ck me shoes." They are actually very pretty and feminine looking with lace trim on them.


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I mean, c'mon ladies, we all know what "f*ck me shoes" look like! (I think I learned that term from Sex in the City.)

We might know that, but I doubt she is thinking that way. Looking back, I wore some things that were probably age inappropriate in my youth, but I was still pretty innocent. If someone were to slap a sexual label on my personal taste that probably would have confused me more.


Posts: 3397 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Please1983
Member
Member # 35894
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I think it's fine.


BS me 30
WS him 31 (thankyou1981)
OW 19 year old at his work
Together 9 years
3 boys. 4, 3 and baby.
D-day 20 aug 2011

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: UK
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

They are actually very pretty and feminine looking with lace trim on them.
Then they seem like they would be appropriate. I am sure you and your DD have good taste and wouldn't let your DGD 13 yo go out in "f*ck me shoes". I second or third the idea to bring a pair of flats with.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9711 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I don't know... I have three girls, one of them 13, and I'd probably put the kibosh on 4". But that's just me.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15403 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Waiting4Daylite
Member
Member # 36213
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Weeping Willow, I just asked my 17 year old daughter your question. Her response: "Yes, she's at the age where she wants to feel pretty. All the girls do."

So if the shoes are age appropriate and she can walk in them, my vote is "yes". Let her be "Cinderella" for the night.


Posts: 1810 | Registered: Jul 2012
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I am sure you and your DD have good taste and wouldn't let your DGD 13 yo go out in "f*ck me shoes".

You're right about that, Sister.

W4D, thank you for getting your DD's opinion. I appreciate that.


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Were it my 13yr old, the shoes would get a veto.
My daughter wasn't allowed (nor did she ever ask, thank goodness) to wear heels over 2.5 inches. She's also a petite girl (5ft 1in).

I personally dont think it is appropriate for a girl that age.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6459 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
sullymeishadomi
Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Im on the side that is too much of a shoe for a 13 yr old.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8305 | Registered: Sep 2007
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I vote NO... I think that's too much shoe for her age and I'd worry about a broken ankle or something.

Thank God I have a boy!


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24546 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I can't imagine telling her 'no'. It's a special occasion.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20228 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
gardenparty
Member
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Pick your battles when raising kids. It is just shoes. I was and am and both my girls are shoe fanatics. I was wearing major heals by 13, 14 and used to be able to walk better in them than flat shoes. If the dress is age appropriate and she feels capable of wearing them I vote yes.


divorced!

Posts: 2688 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Thanks everyone for your votes. So far I have 8 for and 6 against. I'm going to keep counting, and if the for's are still ahead by Saturday morning, she'll get the shoes.

ETA: I had my count wrong.

[This message edited by weeping willow at 9:55 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I agree with sadinaz and gardenparty. (and the others who say it's fine, I'm just too lazy to go back to page one of the thread and name names)

I also think she should bring a pair of cute flats (they sell them in drug stores in a little pouch), just in case she wants to be comfortable as the night goes on.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37751 | Registered: Sep 2007
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I second JRC's thankful to have boys!!

I think that if the dress is age appropriate and length appropriate, the shoes are a good place to let the teen "spread her wings." I am a huge proponent of "choose your battles."

These shoes are not permanent. I am remembering some bright blue turquoise (with glitter!) eyeshadow and some black eyeliner days with super BIG hair... Some lessons you have to learn for yourself.

I do think if you are going to allow the shoes, do it fully with no caveats to undermine the confidence it will take for a young girl to carry that off! And hopefully the shoes are not frightfully expensive...


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5842 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
LisaP
Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

My DD just had her homecoming dance. She is in the 14/15 camp. I can tell you that the girls (2) who wore shoes that high, are still being talked about. It's not because it was inappropriate, it was because they looked ridiculous trying to walk in them and it ruined their whole look.

I suggest maybe buying them and a shorter back-up pair. Let her walk around the house for the week and see if she masters them. Video tape her walking in them and see if she likes the way she looks. Seriously, at 2" heels it took my daughter the entire week to not look like she was walking with bricks on her feet!

If all else fails, buy her some cute, but full coverage panties in case she goes down!


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2187 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

If all else fails, buy her some cute, but full coverage panties in case she goes down!

About 6 months ago, she grew into her mom's shoes. They wear the same size. DD has a pair of 5" stilettos, and DGD has been walking around the house in them, every chance she gets. The first few weeks she'd walk in them she was pretty wobbly. Now, 6 months later, she actually walks very gracefully in them. That's why DD even considered (maybe) getting her the 4" to wear to the dance.


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

My DD16 just went to homecoming last weekend and she wore 6" stilettos. She ROCKED the look! She walked fine in them and her feet were fine at the end of the night. Just sayin'


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17638 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Yes, the heels are inappropriate, and yes, you should let her wear them anyway. I remember borrowing my mother's heels to wear to school - I wanted to look like a fashion magazine. Even when some of my friends teased me, I "knew" I looked fabulous and felt so grown-up. It's a special night, you have seen the shoes and don't think they look slutty - my vote is let her wear them. Heck, 4" stilettos aren't really sensible shoes for grown-ups, either, but women still buy them!


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1796 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, October 11th (Friday)

I'm a bit old-fashioned and would not permit the 4" heels.

BUT I tend to agree with others - pick your battles, they're only shoes (chances are she's over them quick after a bit, LOL!) I remember being that age and with this special occasion, let her have a great memory opposed to the blah one where she was forced to wear ballet flats with a fab dress.



Posts: 14362 | Registered: Jun 2008
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Maybe Dad brains are different because I instantly thought 'NO WAY'.

After reading through- yeah picking battles and at the end of day I suppose they're just shoes...

Can I vote yes but with a grumble and a moan? Maybe a sigh too?


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, October 11th (Friday)

I have a 14 year old, who also likes girly stuff, and can walk in heels like a pro. I got her some 4" heels for her spring formal last year, and spent a few more dollars on them, so that they last, she will be wearing them again on Sat to her first Homecoming dance.

I can tell you all the other girls who she bums with wore very similar shoes. The only who wore flats is 5'11" and she is wearing heels this time around.

I did argue with my kid last spring because the pair she really wanted were about 6" heels, and even though she could walk in them they were trashy looking. The ones I got her are a really quite cute, and not trashy.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8598 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, October 11th (Friday)

If she can walk in them and they look appropriate, I guess it's ok. I would rather set my hair on fire than walk around in 4" heels all night, but to each her own.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6769 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Weatherly
Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, October 11th (Friday)

I say let her wear them, I've been wearing shoes like that since about that age, and I still am 15 years later, just a little less often. If she can walk in them and they look good with the dress, I don't see a problem with it.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 8

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4487 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Wow! I just knew I could count on the SI community for opinions! Thanks for all the votes! The score is now 18 for and 6 against.

I "knew" I looked fabulous and felt so grown-up.

Yes. This is how I want her to feel. She's newly a teenager and thinks she's now a *woman*.

Can I vote yes but with a grumble and a moan? Maybe a sigh too?

This is how Mr. willow voted too! Lol.



BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, October 11th (Friday)

My instant reaction was NO, and then I remember my dd's first heels were like that when she was 14. She walked over Manhattan to the theater on her 8th grade trip in those shoes. She looked adorable and now at 17 has a some great shoes for dances.

It'll be fine. Let her wear them.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6493 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 36