Just Found Out
User Topic: I thought we were happy
New Member
Member # 40946
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

This morning "her" husband called to tell me that my husband of 23 years has been having an A with his wife for at least 2 years. He admitted it, says he loves me and it's over. I am numb

Me: BS
Him: WS has been in 3+ year A
Married 23 years
D Day: 10/10/13
Teenage kids

Posts: 22 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Brrrrrr
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Your story is mine.

I am so sorry for your pain.

Please drink water and then drink more water.

You are in shock and beginning a long journey. Read and post and feel the support you will receive here.

We care about you. Really care about you.

BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe

Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
New Member
Member # 40946
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Thank you so much. I don't know what to feel. I think this would hurt my kids beyond repair. When I think about all the times they complained that he is always working and I would remind them that he would rather spend time with them than be at work...

Me: BS
Him: WS has been in 3+ year A
Married 23 years
D Day: 10/10/13
Teenage kids

Posts: 22 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Brrrrrr
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Sweetie, I am so sorry. I hope the numbness lasts awhile and you get a good night's sleep.

Focus on keeping yourself healthy and giving your kids lots of attention.

The Healing Library in the yellow box in the upper left of your screen has tons of helpful info.

It's going to be a heartbreaking roller coaster ride, but you will survive and eventually thrive again. You found the right place for support!


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Again, so very sorry you had to find this out. I am only 8 weeks out. And remember that feeling on D Day. I have received a lot of support and knowledge on this site. And I hope you find the same.
Do follow the advice and take care of yourself. It was hard for me. But I felt more confident in dealing with all the emotions when I took time for myself.
The shock of finding out is extremely tough.
But as I look back now since our D Day. I am thankful I found out, because as I gain knowledge , I realize that there were problems. And if it was left to continue, without discovery, our family was heading down a dark path. Even though on the surface we were happy and functioning.
There is good advice here. Gain knowledge, and make YOUR life better. You will be surprised at how strong you can be. You are in the drivers seat.

Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Numb is just what would be expected at this point. That will go away and a whole range of emotions will follow. Rage, sorry, and pain that is unbearable.

Everything depends on your husband and how he handles this. If he wants to keep you then it will be on him to step up.

There are many, many, articles in the healing library on this site and there are great books to guide you along.

Right now, just know that you do not have to decide anything. Try to protect your health. It is hard to sleep, eat, or do anything else when you are in these first stages of shock and disbelief.

Just remember, this is not necessarilly the end of your marriage. You can get through this.

Just keep posting here. You will get understanding, love, and support.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1320 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
New Member
Member # 40944
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

We could be exact mirror stories except it was the OW who told me not her H. I'v been grappling with this for two weeks now. How 2 years! How can it be so long? Was I that blind? I'm still very hurt and disgusted with the whole thing and probably don't have any advise to give except that a marriage counselor has been helping us the last two weeks. Wish I could be more help.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 7