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heartbrokeninaz
Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, October 11th (Friday)

I don't get it. My WH and I were having a conversation about the OP. I told him that I do blame her because she knew we are married and have a small child together. He said that "it is not her fault"? What? She spread her nasty legs to have sex with him in my hot tub. I was so pissed at him! I asked him what he meant by that. He said that "it was 100% his fault not hers", and that he can be "very persuasive". Am I the only one that thinks this is bogus? Or is he just maning up and taking responsibility? I am so confused and don't know how to take this. I also asked him what he would do if I ever see her again and kick her ass in front of him and anyone we might mutually know. He said he "would laugh and cheer me on". Am I just having a trigger issue? By the way he still doesn't know what caused him to have the ONS, he only knows that he felt unwanted and unloved. He thought we would be divorced in less then 2 months.


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 207 | Registered: Sep 2013
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, October 11th (Friday)

I can see where confusion could think that he might be protecting the OP. However, depending on his tone he could be accepting 100% of the blame. An affair takes two, so he could have prevented it regardless of OP actions. If you are wanting to place the blame on the OP because it make it easier to accept your WH back then you might be blameshifting and thus may not heal through this properly.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52326 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
seenow
Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, October 11th (Friday)

The OP in my situation is a horrible stinking piece of poo. It thrived on the challenge of married men. My WH was her third go at another family. Her previous one was a success because she got the husband to leave his wife and kids for her. Evil sociopath with no guilt or regret just a magical vajayjay.

That being said, my WH involved himself with it. My WH moved his energy and effort from me to it. Those decisions were his. His decisions hurt me. He is 100% responsible for his actions.

Doesn't mean I wouldn't want to kick her ass too (if I ever met her

[This message edited by seenow at 8:46 AM, October 11th (Friday)]


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 293 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
whiteflower99
Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Ummmm ok one could look at this two ways.
On the one hand he is remorseful and owning up to HIS decision and HIS actions.

On the other hand there is the "I can be very persuasive" comment. This would piss me off. Its like they thinks their penis is so wonderful and magical that they ejaculate unicorns and rare spotted dragons.
Sorry but no, they BOTH knew what they were doing and BOTH are responsible. An old post (I think from 2007) stated something like unless he tripped and fell on top of her while both were naked... well we get the point so to speak.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1716 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
heartbrokeninaz
Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Since I personally know her I can say she has the mentality of a 12 year old. She also has the iq of a grape. She tried years before to come on to him. I think he knew she would be easy pickings. I still blame him 100% but it takes 2 to tango. I just can't decipher if he's protecting her or just assuming responsibility. His actions say the later but I guess I will never know for sure. Any comments from people who have had an A?


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 207 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 5