User Topic: Deciphering the signs
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Member # 40844
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, October 11th (Friday)

My bGF told me she needs time and space. We are DDay +26. At first we spoke about the issue at hand all the time and said things about working it out and it will be tough and all that. She then told me she needed time and space, which I have respected. But she's also texting me, reaching out to me. Telling me about the triumphs and successes of her day. And of course I love it. But then when we speak on the phone, which is about once a week, she's very cold. I'll tell her I miss her and she says, "Yeah?" And won't reciprocate feelings. What is going on? Do I need to cut all ties for a while and let her figure it out? Or do I need to stay in the picture and remind her I am here and that I still love her with all that I have?

Help please, this has been 4 weeks of hell.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tennessee
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, October 11th (Friday)


Have you read about the 180? I've attached the link to it. I think it would be helpful to you in this situation.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38611 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Are you the WSo or the BSo?

If you're the BSo, I think the signal is that she's done or too effed up to fix herself, and I agree the 180 is for you.

If you're the WSo, I think all you can do is express your commitment to R and hope you bGF comes down on that side. You might get better advice on the WS forum.

If you're the WSo, I recommend looking at the WS forum for insight into how you can heal.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 3