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Reconciliation
User Topic: 1st Anniversary since D-Day
dana1234
New Member
Member # 40952
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary:( I'm 8 months out from d-day trying to reconcile. Im afraid I'm not goinf to want to get out of bed tomorrow.... How did you deal with the first anniversary? Any advice??


Me40 BS
Him 43 WH
Married 16 years, together 24 high school sweethearts
3 Beautiful Children 12,8,8

Posts: 33 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Jersey
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Do what we did. Kind of ignore it but do something together - something different - something fun. And try so very hard not to think about it. It was hard, but I think the 1 year antiversary is going to be much harder and that happens next week.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, October 11th (Friday)

Whatever you decide is fine, but make sure you come up with a plan together. For our first anniversary after D-day we just went out to dinner as a family. I don't think we even did cards.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37377 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
sportsfan
Member
Member # 9918
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, October 11th (Friday)

My advice, dana1234, is to enter the day without expectations; don't look for anything magical, anything special, anything at all.

Although tomorrow was supposed to be a celebration, it won't feel like it, not this anniversary anyway ... but I promise you this; if your M withstands the A, OCT 12 WILL BE SPECIAL TO YOU AND YOUR H EVENTUALLY! We celebrated our 25th in July and it was awesome ... 7 years ago not so much.

If your M survives this test, and I hope it does, your antiversary date will become just another day while your anniversary date will be a celebration of your strength, love and courage.

Don't let tomorrow rule you rather you rule tomorrow.

~ sportsfan


Posts: 1967 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: PA
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, October 11th (Friday)

Our 16 year anniversary is a week from today and we are planning to go see Gravity and go to dinner. I told him I don't want any mention of it on Facebook and honestly I'm hoping no friends/family remember. :/. I just want it to feel like a normal day with a date night, no cards or gifts.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
nekokamisama
New Member
Member # 38695
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, October 11th (Friday)

Our 11th anniversary was this last Saturday. A few days before, I started triggering really bad about last year's anniversary.

Last year, for our 10th anniversary, wife was NC with OM about 1 month. She picks me up from work and we start talking about what to do that night. I think we just decided to go to dinner and then wing it afterwards.

Anyway, as we are driving home, she hints that she has something to tell me, but isn't sure if she wants to do it now. I'm in a relatively happy mood, so I tell her to go ahead. Are you sure? Yes, go ahead.

"I want to talk to OM again." POW! Drone strike right to my head. On our 10th anniversary. After all of the heartache and pain due to her A with OM, that is what she says.

I tell her that there is no way in hell that I am ok with that. My demeanor changes. My defenses come up and I am quiet and distant the rest of the night. We didn't go to dinner or anything else. I spent most of the evening outside with our dogs trying to get my head straight.

A few days before this year's I wrote up an entry in my journal about it and let her read it. Apparently she had forgotten about it. We talked and argued a little bit on our anniversary day, then we went out.

I had planned for us to go to one of our fave restaurants, but a different location then we usually go to. I had never been to this location, but her and OM did go there together.

We went, had a wonderful dinner and made some nice new memories. Afterwards we went to another restaurant where they had live music outdoors and had drinks and desert.

It was nice. I defeated a huge trigger. We weren't all lovey-dubby romantic, but we had a good time together. It was what we needed.

My point is, don't plan a super romantic getaway for your 1st post-A anniversary, unless you both really feel like it is what you want. You can just spend time together as friends, making some new nice non-A memories.


Me: BS/FWH 46
Her: FWW/BS 39
OM: 32 3-month EA/PA
Married: 11 years
2 Sons: 8,20

D-Day 2004 (my EA/PA, her EA almost PA)
D-Day 2005 (her EA)
D-Day 8/28/2012 (TT her EA)
D-Day #2 7/22/2013 (more TT)
D-Day #3 7/24/2013 (Truth 2.0 EA/ PA)
In R


Posts: 13 | Registered: Mar 2013
dana1234
New Member
Member # 40952
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

Thank you all! I made it! It was a sad somber day😞 my husband was nervous all day I'm not sure knowing what to do. He brought me flowers and a card (which I couldn't bring myself to open yesterday) I was a afraid I would loose it and I did when I read it this morning😞 he says we can be happy again if I just try?? Happy??? What emotion is that?? I just get by daily.... How can I love a man who has betrayed me so?? The answer is simple I don't.... I think that is my new reality. I must accept it and make some very painful decisions but I got thru the anniversary and I'm feeling pretty strong today.... Not sure how long it will last but one day at a time! Enjoy your Sunday my friends❤️


Me40 BS
Him 43 WH
Married 16 years, together 24 high school sweethearts
3 Beautiful Children 12,8,8

Posts: 33 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Jersey
Topic Posts: 7