SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Putting OW on Speaker Phone
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, October 11th (Friday)

WHY would anyone think this would be okay?

Since divulging XPervert's affair to DD, they have been putting OW and junior on the phone to DD every single night. She grills him about "there" and I cannot stand hearing it. How do you go numb with it infesting your house like bugs?

Why would even the dumbest post think this would be ok?

I did make some noise to put the kabash on it and am for some reason surprised at the things he will do that I would not.

How did we live so long with these differences?

And why would anyone think this was okay?

It was hard to not pick up the phone in the other room and hang it up accidentally.

It makes it hard to keep myself out of it but I am.

It felt like that`s simply too close to home for my "comfort" zone.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2297 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, October 11th (Friday)

I have had to listen to the OW on speaker phone talk to my kids. It sucks.

I am pretty sure I rolled my eyes ... A LOT.

I still hate her. EVERY ONCE in a while I pity her. But it goes away quickly.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, October 11th (Friday)

Now, this probably isn't the right answer, but I know what I would have done. I would have told him straight up that his slut wasn't allowed in my house, even if it was just her voice. Each and every time he put her on, the call would end. Period.

Then again, I never did get to the point of playing nice about his OW. I made it clear what I thought of her, and if he brought her near my kids, it would be the last time he saw them. Correct? No. would it stand up in court? nope. But...it was in our papers that he couldn't intro her until a year after he moved out....he broke up with her 2 weeks before that year was up. I kept the scum away from my kids.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5527 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, October 11th (Friday)

I would tell him the phone calls are for him and DD. Not DD and the OW.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 11th (Friday)

Oh HELL NO!!!

Phone calls are for the biological parent. You don't have to facilitate a relationship with the homewrecker OW!!!!!!!!!! RYFKM???????????????


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9829 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, October 11th (Friday)

OW sits all snuggled next to WXH sometimes when he skypes (every time she's not at work) and while she doesn't talk a lot, she's always right there and her voice makes me want to throw up. And they're always looking at each other and giggling and whispering, WHILE talking to the kids.

I make myself very busy in the other room and often play my music and sing loudly (I have a pretty good voice).


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Saadnblu
Member
Member # 40361
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, October 11th (Friday)

I think that's completely inappropriate. The house is your domain and you get to control what happens in it. I realize that he has the right to talk to your DD, but he does NOT have the right to invade your house with the OW. And how about your DD? How does she feel about that? I could imagine it would be very hard for her, too.


Me: 58, SAHM
Him: 58, LTA 2.5 years
Married 9 years, together 15
Dday: June 11 2013
DD 9 years
Separated

Posts: 57 | Registered: Aug 2013
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, October 11th (Friday)

Oh man, that would piss me off! I agree that the call would need to end. Phone calls are for parents and children, not for whores, parents, and children.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 924 | Registered: Mar 2013
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, October 12th (Saturday)

XH does that occasionaly as well. It used to bother me, but now DD is old enough that she can use the phone without it being on speaker.

I love that because now I no longer have to listen to the douche's voice either!

It's just another juvenile way of them to force us to "accept" their whores. Pathetic really.


Posts: 1274 | Registered: Oct 2009
ideservebetter45
Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, October 12th (Saturday)

The calls are for the parent and child! Hell no would that ever happen! Although the whore doesn't bother much w my dd, I would never tolerate that shit!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
hoya96
Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, October 12th (Saturday)

My ex and OW FaceTime the kids regularly while during my custody time. After walking, happily oblivious, into my living room in my pajamas one weekend morning and "seeing" OW and ex in front of me, I made the rule that ANY and all FaceTime must be done in the bedrooms. (My kids are a bit older).

This way I can't be accused of alienation (my ex is litigious and antagonistic and accuses me of alienation regularly) but I don't have to deal with it.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonderful man.

Posts: 329 | Registered: Jun 2010
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, October 12th (Saturday)

Ashland, can your DD use the phone without it being on speaker so you do have to hear that trash? I won't allow my kids to use speaker phone even when talking to their dad. His voice makes me want to vomit.

If your DD can't I would pick up the phone and tell her that the call is for DD and her father, not for whores and as far as what is going on over "there" is none of her business. If she doesn't comply, I would end the call. You don't have to put up with that crap.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, October 12th (Saturday)

Thank you, everybody.

This floored me, to have her voice and junior's voice in my own house...and that he would think that was ok to do.

Since I wrote this thread, he did reply to my request to cease this activity and said that he would. I haven't heard it again, but it doesn't mean it's the end of it...it could mean they'll find another way to do it.

I suspect that a lot of his pushing me is pushing from OW? and he's working double-time to shut her up and me up at once.

Still I wonder at times how he thought it would better his life to take on another entire family, with the same stats as ours, he tells me-ages of each DD and I are a match for there-it's eerie and he had to tell me this a long while ago-did he truly think he would have a greener pasture full of cows if he did this?

He told me I was too high maintenance and he had too much responsibility to deal with here-she sounds far worse than anything that ever happened here.

I don't mean to sound competitive, just wondering aloud how in the world he thought it would be different and fix all his problems.

I know, 2 x 4 please...as I said, defenses are down.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2297 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, October 12th (Saturday)

Each and every time he put her on, the call would end. Period.

yeah. im sorry. I don't know if I did it right or not, but I never told my kids to accept ow. I straight out told them she was not a good person and I hope they didn't grow up like her.

eff that stuff about one happy family. I've got morals to impart, I am not playing nice with some ow who might be gone before dinner.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 10:11 AM, October 12th (Saturday)]


Posts: 1401 | Registered: Jan 2010
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, October 12th (Saturday)

That's how I feel, too.

In divorce class and life when it comes, we're told that we have to do everything nicely, keep the peace, speak well about the spouse who messed us up.

When I was forced to tell DD "the truth", I thought long and hard and gave her the hard facts but also reminded her that these people helped hurt her...and very badly.

Whether it was right or wrong or will come back to bite me, for her to be excited about people who hurt her I could not stand. Don't get me wrong, I don't rain on her parade when she's happy and I don't argue about the glittery scene he's painting "there"...she'll find out, right?

I just want her to understand what these people are capable of so she can learn to protect herself and not keep getting hurt. And there are zero morals there to play house with a married man who just had a baby? This is who will influence her and it makes me vomit.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2297 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, October 12th (Saturday)

I sort of feel that way too. When my DS pushed me for answers about why his father and I were divorcing, I told him that when moms and dads get married, they make promises to each other, and that their dad broke his promises.

If my children ask tougher questions as they get older, I will be forced to tell them part of the truth. (Just nothing about his SA.)

I will not go down as a Bad Guy in this divorce. I did not know that their father was living a double life. I did nothing wrong.

And as for the calls, HELL NO. Not in my house. I agree with the others who would end the calls if OW got involved. Calls are for parents and children.

(((Ashland))) He's a moron.


Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 16