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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: XPervert Now Pushing DD
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

Apologies for all of my posts this weekend. A lot is happening and very quickly, so that my mind feels like it's swirling again.

Over the last few weeks, XPervert put the nails in the coffin and pushed me over the brink about telling DD the truth about him in entirety. He claimed it was "for her", but we all know that it was to ease his guilty a..

Well, the deed is done.

This poor kid has such confusion that she flip flops daily on her feelings as she sorts through them.

My main problem right now and reason for this new thread is because she finally told me the other day that during their nightly phone calls now, he is pestering her repeatedly about "forgiveness. Do you forgive daddy? When will you forgive daddy? Daddy has a nice new family for you." and so on, she says.

I work very hard and feel like my soul is dangling from a tight fishing line, if you can imagine the stress, to be "cool mom" and not say my own opinions. The only good I can see this has done is to open her up to asking me a lot of questions about people and relationships.

She's so darn smart, she's linking other family members to broken marriages and asking what happened in them or what happened to the spouse who's gone away.

And that damn man is rushing so fast into trying to cement his relationships with OW and DD that he is already labeling DD and Junior "sisters"...when one of my parents did this years ago with a new spouse, he had fits. Now that it has to do with him, who cares, I guess?

He is pushing her now to go "there" as he has property with this awful person and not going to wait for my consent any longer. Apparently it is his right and I'm working on my thoughts because the stress is too high.

When I was still pregnant, we talked a lot about visitation with the baby and he agreed-to my face-that he would not ask for the baby to visit out of the house or with the other people for about six months-for a time the immunization angle worked.

So the baby is two weeks old now and several times, the man has pushed me to take him to the family occasions. I totally understand and am glad he wants time with DS but I have so many FOO issues right now and am somewhat clingy to DS and want him nearby. XPervert will say one day he understands this, and then another time will ask me again.

I let him take the baby on jaunts like to the store because I felt so bad refusing and worry about what he will tell his Lawyer, so last week he gave me hell because he said he didn't understand the difference between a store run or group of people.

Well, sorry buddy, but people in his family smoke and drink and DS is not immunized yet. And the dr said this was ok and could see my reasoning.

Any ideas are helpful for how to deal with someone showing so much a degree of being two faced...much of it is passive aggression, though and gets mixed up.

Many times I do "crickets", but with kids and selling the house still to go, sometimes a response is unavoidable. I do work at creating more mechanical replies lately and it helps, but the stress is too high again.

And thank you for all the congrats. The active labor at the end was intense but short and I'm so glad it's over and am pulling out blue jeans that I missed again.

Or seeing my feet.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:56 AM, October 13th (Sunday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2132 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

In regards to your daughter all you need to do right now is be there for her. Answer her questions and support her as she works her way through this. This is without a doubt one of the hardest aspects of this whole thing. Watching our kids get caught in the train-wreck these lower muppets call their lives.

You have a 2 week old honey. You just get through each day - that's all you need to do right now. Take care of you and that baby.

Hell would freeze over before I'd allow my 2 week old to be out of my sight. X doesn't need to understand - he just needs to fucking deal with it.

A newborn is not a fucking puppy. Go fuck yourself.

I'm going to need to compose myself and revisit this thread a little later. I have no constructive advice right now because I am sitting here like a stunned mullet trying to imagine going through this shit whilst heavily pregnant and then with a newborn.

((Ashland13))


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5386 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

Ash, there is NO judge on earth who will punish you for not allowing Pervert to leave your house with a two week old. That poor baby need calm, routine, and his mama. You are going through that bonding period.

The Pervert is a complete and utter asshole for trying to bully you and your children. He is trying (as many of them do) to force everyone into HiS way of life now. The Dooosh did something similar.

But let me tell you- it backfired big time in my kids. He got it all wrong. HE needs to allow the kids to fit into his new world at their pace, not the other way round.

There is no way in HELL I'd allow him to take your baby anywhere. ANYWHERE. What business does a two week old have running "errands" in the first place? How is that bonding with an infant?

No no no honey. Time to take back control of what you know is right. Stop letting him bully you with fear. A call to your lawyer should help you- I just don't see someone forcing a two week old out of his mamas arms!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3511 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

Congratulations on your new little one. I would absolutely not let him have the newborn outside the house until YOU are okay with that. What on earth is he going to do on an "outing" with a newborn? That baby needs his mama.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2501 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

We're going into cold, flu and RSV season. Babies shouldn't be going all over creation & shown off. They aren't a new possession. They are fragile human beings who need to be protected.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9232 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, October 13th (Sunday)

I agree about the baby. He does not need to be taking him yet. He is way too little. Ask your attorney about overnights for the baby. My attorney said I did not have to grant him overnights with my baby until he was past one year. Judges do recognize that infants need a main caregiver and shuffling them back and forth isn't good.

As for your dd, what an ass he is. I seriously want to kick him in the teeth. That whole forgive me thing just makes my blood boil. I'm not sure what I would do other than tell her that she can decide when she is ready to forgive another person and it's not okay to be badgered about it. Maybe you should cut back in the phone calls. Does he really need to talk to her everyday? I would ask your attorney about that too.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 807 | Registered: Mar 2013
jackie89
Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Ashland - You are such a strong person.

No, I would not let Pervert take the baby now. That baby needs his mama, and you need that baby to be close to you.

Congratulations by the way!


Separated - working on R

Posts: 451 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, October 14th (Monday)

I know that this is a personal question, and a highly personal decision. Are you nursing your newborn? If so, you have the perfect excuse not to let him out of your sight. No matter what, get written instructions from the Pediatrician about taking the baby on outings. The doctor can be your best ally in this situation.

As for XPervert pushing DD, what an insensitive clod!!! Believe it or not, you should talk to your L about this.

I was looking through the on-line forms for our Circuit Court, and there is one listing "Parenting Rules." It specifically states "3. Neither parent shall talk about the dissolution nor any other issue related to the dissolution in the presence of their child(ren). " And another rules states "15. Neither parent shall treat their minor child like an adult. Adult conversations and behavior are for adults." Here's a link if you're interested in seeing the rest of it http://www.willcountycircuitcourt.com/forms/140.pdf

If your jurisdiction has something similar, XPervert could be getting himself into a lot of trouble.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1509 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Topic Posts: 8