User Topic: What is your worst time of day
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

For me the worst time of day for rumination is first thing in the AM ...when I wake up...I try to keep a routine, morning coffe and my prayers...even then it STILL hits me.....what is your worst time of day and what do you do to combat it?

Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 304 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

At first, and for about nine months, the first thing in the morning was the worst. I kept a routine, like you, but still... It was like it hit me like a train every time I woke up.
Now, it seems to be various times of day, depending on triggers. And especially at night when I'm still awake with my thoughts and WH is blissfully snoring.
I'm just past the first antiversary.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Early evening - around 4-7 ish. Just like when I am sick!

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Right now it just hits when it hits. But night-time when it's quiet is when it's at it's worst.

I basically haven't figured out how to combat it yet. I write, I cry, I listen to music. Not interested in anything else.

[This message edited by cluless at 7:11 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]

WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti

Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

By far it is the morning. I wake up happy and then "bam!" I think "Oh crap. That really happened. It wasn't one of my nightmares I used to have that this was going to happen." And I try to pray and keep busy too and journal, but sometimes it is just to much.

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Member # 35896
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Hands down the night for me. I have never been a good sleeper and my mind rehashes everything.

My WS could sleep through anything. Especially right after dday I just remember my sleepless nights and him snoring away.

I am embarrassed to admit but candy crush and various stupid mindless games got me through some very long nights.


BS - 39 (me)
WS - 33
DD - 6
D Day - 6/2/11 EA (would have been a PA if the OW was game)
"I'm not going to be the person I am expected to be anymore"
Blue de Chanel Commercial

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Maryland
Member # 39409
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

The worst time of day is when I shower. I have no idea why, whether it is morning or night, but I always think about it and I always feel like crap.

Me: BS-42
Hubby: FWS-42
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.

Posts: 95 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Hands down, the hardest part of my day is when my husband is commuting to and from work.

From what I can tell, this seems to be the bulk of time he conducted his affair activity.

I can literally feel my heart break -- hear it crack, even -- when he's driving to and from work.

So far the only thing that helps is to keep myself busy or cry. Sad, but true.

[This message edited by kickboxer at 10:04 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

when I wake up. I feel terrible. Like someone died. Then I remember.

And hugs to you, Clueless. It's so recent for you. :(

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Definitely evening time - I am usually completely depleted by then, and have still got to do dinner/ bedtime for 4 little kids. WH works thirds, so he's gone -all I want to do is curl up in my recliner but NOPE, motherhood calls. My kids have been watching a lot of movies before bed and going to bed later, while mom pulls herself together enough to accomplish bedtime.

Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 512 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Like a previous poster it's first thing in the morning, in the shower. I now have a radio in the bathroom and it helps some, but there are some days I simply am not strong enough to stop thinking about what has happened.

Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
New Member
Member # 40312
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Mine is when I take my walks. In the early morning. I had to stop for awhile. Now that I am starting again I am listen to books that I have download verses music which seems to help .

Me 40
Him 5
Dday June 20/23 2013

Posts: 14 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Tinker01
Member # 39228
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Both night time and morning used to be the worst. Pretty much any time I was lying in bed in silence with my thoughts. So middle of the night sometimes too.

Now morning seems to be better in general lately, which is something I just realized, so thanks for asking so I could realize some improvement.

And now that I think about it, night time is often better overall too. At this very moment, however, my stomach is in knots. Just watched TV. While lying in bed isn't always the worst time anymore, I just randomly and quite often feel like shit. Keep wondering when I'll look at him and not think of what he did. When I'll be able watch people kiss on TV and not see him kissing her. I hate it.

As for what I "do" about it. What can any of us do? I cry. I lie around depressed. I come on this forum, which is why I'm here now. I did journal a couple of weeks ago when I triggered hard. I don't know that it did any good though. I just keep holding on to the positive stories that are shared here that it does get better. One can hope.

Oh. And I've been taking sleeping pills at night ever since DDay #1. That helps some.

I also do deep and slow breathing sometimes to calm myself down. Vodka and rum help too but luckily I haven't felt the need for those much lately. Another sign of improvement I guess.

Me BS 44
Him FWS 45
Married 23 Years
DDay 1 July 2012
DDay 2 Christmas Day 2013 same woman
EA with kissing, very strong bond and talk of leaving spouses for each other.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 32626
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, October 14th (Monday)

Life with a fucking cheater sucks no matter what time of the day!!!!! Are there really people out there who don't deal with this 24/7?!?!?! What would that be like!?!!!

Sorry ,too much wine tonight.

I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?......Pink

BS(me)55...STBXWH 55
Married 37 yrs/4 grown children, 5 grandchildren
DD's-10/75; 10/80; 09/92; 12/09; 12/10; 03/11...more?

Posts: 74 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Utah
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, October 14th (Monday)

When I'm alone. Especially first thing. Our youngest work early this morning so instead of sitting crying I'm watching cartoons. Which helps a lot
Maybe next early morning I'm alone I will watch cartoons anyway

Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."

Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 2:16 AM, October 14th (Monday)

8 am and 3 pm. Times my wife walks our girls too and from school....this is how her A was spawned....meeting MOM after they dropped their kids off at school.

Yeah, the times in between are when they actively fed the A (both of them have schedules conducive to illicit playing), late night texting while my wife was in the house with me and our kids sucks too....but 8 and 3 are the 2 worst times of day for me personally.

I text my wife a simple text at those times.

It was really tough just to leave our home for the first several months....but not an issue now. Someday these times wont be an issue either....but they are right now.

This is tough, painful work....but I see so many struggling with this. Also see my wifes fAP and his wife NOT taking advantage of this struggle to improve themselves or their marriage. So I take some comfort in that, too...that this price I am paying is actually getting me something in return. KWIM?

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 2:20 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3949 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 2:23 AM, October 14th (Monday)


I get what you are saying about watching cartoons. I, too, have stepped away from processing and done similar things.

I just looked in on our girls (I am awake due to restless dreams)...they both sleeping in each others arms. Was peaceful just looking at them. Good to keep perspective...this hurts like hell but there is more to life then just how I feel.

Peace to us all.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3949 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, October 14th (Monday)

I have hated mornings since Dday. I wake up practically in tears everyday no matter how the previous day was. I've known depression in the past but this is so different! It is a complete overwhelming sadness that lifts quickly but returns every day without fail. Someday I hope it is gone.

Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, October 14th (Monday)

For me it's typically during the afternoons at work when/if it is slow. I tent to go through the same cycle many times. From disbelief, to astonishment, despression, then disgust, dissapointment, anger and sometimes to rage. Then worse I get mad at myself for what appears to be my lack of being able to let go of the resentment.

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, October 14th (Monday)

Your post spoke to me bikingguy....that cycle is way to familiar.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3949 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
New Member
Member # 36980
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, October 14th (Monday)

The early mornings are the worst for me. My mind wakes me up and wants to go over stuff. Process things. Sometimes I come to great conclusions. Sometimes I talk myself into coping. Sometimes I get myself out of bed and make my mind think about something different.

I really like it when I come to conclusions. I feel a sense of peace.

BS 42 WH 45
BD 15 BS 18
D day #1 2/14/12
D day #2 5/17/12
married 18 years
At least 5 OW over 10 years
I am dedicated to my family, always have
been. I did not deserve this!

Posts: 37 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: USA
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, October 14th (Monday)

It's first thing in the morning. I used to love that time too. I would get up and read or watch something on TV. Just enjoy that everyone is home and at peace. Now I can't do that because she is on the couch and there is no peace.

Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, October 14th (Monday)

On the hour drive to work. When I help students who I think my husband would fancy. On my breaks. On my lunch. On the 1 1/2 drive home. When I get home. In the shower. When I go to bed. I've learned not to say anything anymore..After almost a year, it's now my problem, not his.

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Member # 40903
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I have had so many triggers since DD July 2012. For the first 10 months the hardest time for me was evening when I was trying to fall asleep but during the affair I didn't live with my BF and after we saw each other or talked to each other for the last time in the evening before going to sleep is when he would have the A activity. I also hate weekend mornings b/c I can flash back to times I was out of town or not with him and would call him on a Sat/Sun morning and he would answer like a stranger and at the time I thought someone was there but he would make me feel like I was crazy. Now that I know the truth it is all of the times that I knew he spent time with her that are triggers for me. They cause me major anxiety and have been so bad at times I get a full blown panic attack.

Me: BW, 37
Him: SO, 37
No children
Committed relationship 13 years
Dday: July, 2012

Posts: 51 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 24