SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: False recovery
hdhs3
New Member
Member # 40773
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Can someone explain to me what a false recovery is, I have seen several references to it here, not sure what it means, trying to decide if I am in one

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013
Exit Wounds
Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, October 13th (Sunday)

Best I know it means you thought you and your spouse were honest and working on your relationship and in reality they are lying and still cheating I been there and it is soul crushing...

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, October 14th (Monday)

Its when you are in MC, fWW says all the right things, then decides to move her A from an EA to a PA while in weekly counseling sessions. It is very hard to see coming until it happens...our counselor was fooled too. Yeah....soul crushing....effective way to define how it feels when it is done to you.

Its like thinking you are both swimming in the deep end only to realize you are treading water by yourself and your spouse is standing in ankle deep water checking out the lifeguard.

Only one of you has jumped in with both feet and recommitted to your original vows. Only one of you has attempted to be vulnerable and the other takes advantage of that vulnerability and uses it against them.

It hurts and I have seen this be the deal breaker to marriages of other SI members....it can actually be more destructive to a marriage then the A was, because it speaks to the intentionality of the actions of the WS.

Might try to find a counselor that specializes in infidelity. I believe it would have helped us had we been with one who specialized in this early on. We are proof that just being in MC means nothing....maybe its like having a dermatologist check your skin for a brain tumor? Maybe it would not have made a difference in our case...counselors are people too, all people can be fooled, and the level of deception by a person involved in adultery is epic.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:44 AM, October 14th (Monday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4008 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
MrsDoubtfire
Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, October 14th (Monday)

Yeah. The above. I found out FWH had cheated and he then stated he wanted to work on the M (we were S at this point ) but he lied and the A continued for another 9 months. Only then- when I confronted ow and she admitted they were still seeing each other - and all hell broke loose did real R happen.

FWIW- despite the IC and FWH all telling me that he was no longer cheating I just knew he was as he was half assed with R and was still not being transparent and showed hardly any remorse. He continue to blame me for the m being crap etc.

If you have any concerns then trust your gut I always say as mine hasn't let me down yet.

[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 6:45 AM, October 14th (Monday)]


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1583 | Registered: Jul 2009
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, October 14th (Monday)

Great point....trust that gut.

I reacted so poorly upon DD...my gut instinct was no where to be found...horrible, horrible, horrible time period. But time has passed and I quickly found my gut again and new found courage too. Your gut is so important...I try to mention that anytime a fellow SI member asks what to do. There is no way I can fully feel what they feel...but if they can get in touch with their gut I recommend they go with that over all other inputs. doesn't mean you have to make life altering decisions with your gut, but it does mean you must investigate that which your gut is indicating is not right.

Why did you post this? What is your gut saying is not lining up correctly?

We are in true R now...it is tentative but true. Stood no chance until I confronted both her AP and his wife...did that separately with some time in between. My wife also had to choose to repent....so my actions alone did not cause R to start....ultimately true R takes effort on both sides.

Absolutely doesn't mean our M will survive this...it just means we are both committed to radical honesty. This will at least give us true facts from which to make future decisions from.


Sucks...but I believe until full light is shed on this R cant take place....didn't in our case anyway.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:25 AM, October 14th (Monday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4008 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 5