Wayward Side
User Topic: Different IC's
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, October 14th (Monday)

How many different IC's did you go to until you found a suitable one? It feels like I won't find one that wants to talk about me now not what I did when I was three years old.

Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, October 14th (Monday)

Sam, the thing is, what you did when you were three years old helped form the "you now."

At the risk of psychoanalyzing you...are you reluctant to talk about your FOO?

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1236 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 14th (Monday)

When I started with IC I said the same exact thing. I really didn't want to drag up things from my childhood, I just wanted to focus on the mess of me now.

I discovered after a few ICs and reading and being on SI that a big part of my "why" came from avoiding and refusing to process and FEEL things from my childhood.

Many people on here have gone through several ICs before finding one they felt was a good fit. I wouldn't ditch one because they want you to look at your childhood though. I feel like most of us have to dig through childhood stuff to really find everything we need to heal.

FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️

Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I have talked to a couple of ICs in my life and other than giving them a brief run down of my rather dysfunctional childhood, a domineering, mean, cold, verbally abusive father, being bullied and humiliated regularly at school, we went right to the reasons I was there to talk to him or her about current issues in my life.

I already told most of my childhood that makes any difference about who I am now in this post! I've only ever talked to a couple of counselors in my life that had any common sesne, and neither of them felt there was a benefit for years of hashing over my childhood.

Rehashing it is a big waste of time and money in my opinion. I would rather have no counselor than one that wants to waste my time and money.

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Agree with most above in that you need to understand your past to see how you got where you are.

I have found that my FOO and coping skills were formed a long time ago, and it is helpful to understand myself.

Why do you not want to look at your childhood?

Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D

Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

I've had 2 Ic's. The first one took the opposite approach.
She made sure that I was able to handle everyday things.
She helped me with my communication.
She made sure we had a good handle on the present. Then we started to look back.

I had to switch Ic's due to scheduling and the new one is awesome, we talk past and present.
She helps me see connections from childhood to now.
It's got me really looking at my past and thinking about it even when I'm not in session.
I't helping to look at my past, and see patterns, coping skills, etc.

FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children

"Your secrets keep you sick"

Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

It took me three IC's. The first was a bit of a nut case. The second was good in some regards, but by not looking at other things besides the EA and what was going on only in the present, I became stuck in that phase.

The third IC started connecting the dots between past and present.

I think that the second IC wasn't bad for me at the time. It's just that it became a crutch instead of something useful. But, it also led to me being ready for the third IC. I was ready to start addressing the past issues. I was like you that I didn't want to blame everything in my past. Turns out, there was a lot of stuff from the past that led to me being able to choose to have an A. So really, the A didn't have much to do with the healing for me. What happened happened. Why it happened was answered by looking in the past.

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)

I'm not afraid of discussing my childhood. I wouldn't mind looking back at it at some point. I'm an adult though and I'm doing childish things. That needs to be dealt with before I look into my past. My BW wasn't involved in that and I owe it to her to deal with today's issues.

Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8