SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: The Stranger
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Sad  Posted: 12:14 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Today is exactly 11 months since I found out about OW#1 out of 8OW. I know, it's a lot of women. I don't need anyone reminding me of that. Most of my anger has resided to a matter-of-fact state where I think, "it's not my fault he was broken." But, I can't help but to feel what a stranger he has become. He's doing everything right in so many ways I never thought imaginable. We love "us" but it feels so strange. That's the word, strange. Like we're just two people who have small kids together.

I just want him to take me out on a date. Like he dated all those OW. I get the feeling I annoy him and he doesn't like me all that much. Everything I say he gets upset and annoyed.

I feel like he's a stranger in my world and not my soul mate. Like he has all these walls and made lies out of our lives for 3 years.

...guess I'm feeling blue today...


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
SpiderGrl
Member
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Hugs for you, Liberty. If you are feeling neglected, tell him. Have an honest heart to heart about what he means to you and hopefully he will reciprocate. If he doesn't, just ask. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised. He may not realize what you want.


Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, October 14th (Monday)

(((libertyrocks)))

I think you should get a date to beat all dates. Have you suggested this?

I have thought that I really didn't know my H and in some ways I didn't; I didn't know what darkness he was hiding deep inside. But the thing is, he didn't either. I think in some ways I understood him better than he understood himself. He hid from himself more than anything.

So now the man I live with is this wonderful new version of the man I married. Better in every way. And I'm starting to believe it will last.

Hope your day gets better.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1765 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
eachdayisvictory
Member
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I have felt this soooo many times. Looked at my H and thought, who the hell is he? I am truly disappointed at his weakness and selfishness, even with all the learning we have done about ourselves and the damage we caused each other before the A. I often fall on thinking, 'I was there too, I was hurting, and not once did I think that gave me the right to lie, give my time to someone else, or foster a love outside of my family. It's deeply saddening, but the feeling usually doesn't last anymore. I am grateful to feel fearless in my discussions with my H, and to tell him when I feel like I annoy him. He usually tells me that's not the case at all, and I have been able to let him know in a calm and reasonable way that if he's not annoyed with me, if he DOES like me while we do the mundane everyday stuff, I need his face and body language to tell me. Especially now when pain can pop up and punch me in the face when I least expect it.

You are not alone. I am not alone.


me, BW: 34
FWH: 35
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 3 and 6
Reconciling

Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
silentheart
Member
Member # 40903
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Definitely schedule uninterrupted time where you can have a honest, all out on the table conversation with him. Be raw with your emotions and make sure he understands exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. Don't scream/yell/get angry...just be you and express yourself for exactly what you are feeling on the inside. You might be surprised with the outcome :)


Me: BW, 37
Him: SO, 37
No children
Committed relationship 13 years
Dday: July, 2012

Posts: 51 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Liberty...I know how you feel. For me there was one OW an EA but he made the effort for her. Made plans to see her and kept them. Why as spouses are we not worth the same respect? My WH is late for planned outings, late for meals, tells me he is going out just as I am putting supper on the table...and the list goes on. We deserve the ultimate respect and the dates, gifts etc. we deserve their effort!

I too feel like I live with a stranger who just doesn't like me most of the time and yet claims this huge love for me. WTF...personally I am done feeling blue, I am feeling strong today! I am taking me back and if he doesn't like it he knows where the door is!

Good luck and (((hugs))) to you!

[This message edited by emotionalgirl at 12:50 PM, October 14th (Monday)]


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Thanks everyone. For those 3 years, I became the alpha "FE"male and I had been supporting our family. Now, we argue all the time because he wants to call the shots, when I had been doing just fine by myself. I mean from paying bills to picking out clothes for the boys. He wants to be involved with us now and that's nice, too. But, there's no romance. There's love and commitment, but no true romance...

It just makes me sad. He had excitement with those other women. Now, he yells at me in the grocery store. I'm sure there was a lot of flirting when he was at 7-11 drinking, buying condoms and booze with those OW. It literally tears my heart to shreds.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 1:06 PM, October 14th (Monday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Yes! You sort of put into words something I have been feeling without even realising it. (Does that happen to anyone else? I find I often read something on SI and think "Yes! That is exactly what I have been feeling, only I hadn't put it into words" And suddenly this thing I have been wrestling with is so much clearer.)

Back to the point... Deep down, in some weird way, I feel like I am living with a stranger that I share 28 years of history with. It is the weirdest feeling! In so many ways I know him SO well and in other ways, I find myself thinking "Who IS this person?!"


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1024 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 8