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Reconciliation
User Topic: Does seeing your spouse naked trigger anyone else?
ShatteredLove00
New Member
Member # 40830
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, October 14th (Monday)

After Dday, my WH has been acting crazy about me, cuddling, touching my body, giving me compliments, things that he hasn't done for 8-9 years. It's been like being offered water when you've been wandering in the desert...I've been desperate for the affection that I didn't even notice had faded from his behavior. I guess I thought that because I was still loving, thoughtful, and appreciative of him that it was enough for both of us?

Anyhow, we aren't having sex because 1. Waiting for him to take the next round of STD screens and 2. I'm just not emotionally ready for it, but we've been fooling around/intimate. Last night, I triggered hard in the middle of what should have been us enjoying each other again when I just stopped and looked at him. I've always loved everything about my husband, the way he looks/smells/feels, etc. I've always been 100% focused and sexually attracted to him. And seeing him, I just started thinking, how could he share himself with this other woman, this stranger, who just saw him as a quick buck? Why would he want to have dirty cheap sex when he had a woman who has loved him deeply and passionately for years, and loved to have sex with him because she loved him? I'm just so disgusted that he gave everything that was between us to a stranger.

So yeah, even my husband triggers me. Anyone else experienced that or figured out how to get over it?


Me: BS (29) Him: SAWH (30)
HS Sweethearts, WAS each other's 1st/onlys. 1 child & 8 months pregnant when he hired prostitute/confessed.
D-Day: September 1, 2013
Shocked, disgusted, and struggling.

Posts: 34 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Can't stand to see my fWH naked. I really can't bear it. Every single time I see him naked, I imagine him strutting around her bedroom naked and her lying on the bed looking at him. I would have thought after 14 months this would have faded, but it hasn't it's still one of my biggest triggers...


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1022 | Registered: Oct 2012
Marathonwaseasy
Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Sometimes
But I am determined to use stop signs and push those thoughts away
I know that when we are together only one of us is thinking about her and it's not him
I'm reclaiming him as mine
As part of this and his lifelong self loathing we are clearing out his old clothes and all his underwear that she saw has been binned.
He's spending money on new clothes for me too and we have been shopping together a couple of times.
It helps that the clothes he now takes off were never seen by her


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Crap. . . Wish i hadn't read this! Now I'll need the stop sign for nakedness.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2055 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
1ost0ne
Member
Member # 40202
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I have a similar trigger. I'm getting so tired of having three people in my bed that sometimes I don't feel it's worth it to even try.

My WS is not the warmest person, so when I roll off, the "I'm sorry," doesn't sound very sincere.

It's really bothering me that time is the best healer. If I'm thirsty, I can quickly drink water. If I'm triggering, those feelings might fade into memory after a long time.


“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou

Posts: 84 | Registered: Aug 2013
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, October 14th (Monday)

For me, it's the other way around. When I see my W naked, I trigger on all the good years and good memories. It makes it harder to process my A-related thoughts and feelings.

T/J - This thread makes me wonder. Is there a gender-related difference here? Is it related to the length of our relationship (40+ years)? Or is it something else?


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10341 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, October 14th (Monday)

WH is, and has always been, my biggest trigger.

It's gotten better with time. In the beginning,every time he kissed me, I would trigger to the point of feeling sick. Now he can kiss me and I don't even have a twinge.

Did you tell him how you were feeling? How did he respond?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7673 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
heartbroken2012
Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, October 14th (Monday)

YES.

Not all the time...but sometimes.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jan 2013
velvethammer
Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I agree with 1ost0ne, I'm tired of 3 people in bed. We used to have crazy freaky circus sex and now I find it exhausting and unfulfilling. I spend most of the time fighting the disgusting images. Couple that with a new difficulty having an orgasm and the ones I have being so much less than what I used to achieve and I just want to give up.

I guess part or most of my problem is that I have to have feelings for the person I'm with and right now all of those feelings are negative.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Me too!!! I feel as if Im looking at my husband through her eyes. Did she look at him while he was walking naked just after sex? Did she look at him lying on the bed naked, sleeping naked etc? I also see him through her eyes when hes just doing the usual things that I used to find so sexy. Then I trigger and I either get A) really pissed, B) really sad or C) very withdrawn.

I HATE HATE HATE that he allowed another woman to look at him naked, touch his junk and everything else that happened.


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
SecondHelping
Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Sisson,

T/J - This thread makes me wonder. Is there a gender-related difference here? Is it related to the length of our relationship (40+ years)? Or is it something else?

Not gender related as I had (have) triggers when I see her naked. I also imagine her riding her AP. They have become less frequent, but I still have them at 13 months since DD.

[This message edited by SecondHelping at 4:40 PM, October 14th (Monday)]


D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 489 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I picture my wife riding him too. Use the stop sign thing too.

Kissing is tough for both of us....but we had intimacy issues pre-A....not exposed then bur we NOW realize it.

Sex, intimacy and nakedness....appear to be some of the more challenging parts of this.

I am grateful I have more then adequate testosterone levels!!!! Helps me override bad feelings and thoughts....sometimes anyway.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:47 PM, October 14th (Monday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3959 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
silentheart
Member
Member # 40903
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, October 14th (Monday)

It's a big trigger for me too. I actually still can't bring myself to be intimate with him. I feel so betrayed and can only think of her with him, them naked together. Not to mention that in reading their chat messages I had to read a message from her saying "are you still in bed naked, that's my last vision of you when I left this morning". That plays in my head like a video. I hate it and hope that fades b/c I can't deal with it.


Me: BW, 37
Him: SO, 37
No children
Committed relationship 13 years
Dday: July, 2012

Posts: 51 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Sometimes
But I am determined to use stop signs and push those thoughts away
I know that when we are together only one of us is thinking about her and it's not him
I'm reclaiming him as mine
As part of this and his lifelong self loathing we are clearing out his old clothes and all his underwear that she saw has been binned.
He's spending money on new clothes for me too and we have been shopping together a couple of times.
It helps that the clothes he now takes off were never seen by her

Great ideas!!!


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Topic Posts: 14