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Reconciliation
User Topic: Feels so Fake.
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Whenever H comes to me(affection) and says things to me it all feels so FAKE. I can't seem to believe it's real. It's like I feel he's saying and trying but it really means nothing now.

You love me?? Bullshit. You don't want to lose the nice cushy life you have now. You love her REMEMBER???


Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
unfound
Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Yeah, it did feel like that for a time for me too. Over time, with consistent actions to back up those words, it becomes easier to accept them as real.


[This message edited by unfound at 6:52 PM, October 14th (Monday)]


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14823 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Felt like this for me, too. SAWH in a MC session said to me "Your eyes look beautiful today." And I rolled my eyes and therapist corrected me and said I should have responded with "Thank you." But as you all know, cheaters lie and it's safe to assume, especially in the early weeks after DD, that they are still lying.

It's very difficult to accept that they honestly think they still love you. And Betrayed2x, I am in the same boat...I feel like 1/2 of the reason why H wants to stay is because of the kids and another 45% of it is because he doesn't want to have to divide up 50%+++ of everything we've accumulated, change his life, etc.

When do we get to feel like we matter (other than as caregivers, housekeepers, cooks, need fillers?) . I haven't felt like I have mattered in a long time. Somehow reading your post makes me feel better that I am not alone.

[This message edited by womaninflux at 8:14 PM, October 14th (Monday)]


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 855 | Registered: Jun 2013
3kids30years
Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Same -

When he says "I love you" - I think, sure you do. And you loved her too. when he says "I never stopped loving you" I look at him like, really? Funny way to show it.

You love me?? Bullshit. You don't want to lose the nice cushy life you have now. You love her REMEMBER???

I remind him that he also lovs her - I know he does/did. I have the F*cking IM to prove it. I take a deep breath and try not to laugh. Or roll my eyes. But I don't say it back. He hasn't earned that back yet. I am protecting my heart. What if he "forgets" again?

I hope it gets easier, I hope I can accept what's happened. I hope I can believe him. I hope he is not still lying to me.

I hope I can be strong enough to love myself.


BS (me) - early 50's
WH (him)- mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling. Still waiting for a timeline.

Married 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day


Posts: 197 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I guess the anger stage is still here...Assh*le..

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Hugs and blessings to us all

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Aww I so remember! Look who are they with right now? You!
Sooo believe they love you now.
It would be easier to start over then to put up with the shit I dished out and still do! I dont make his life easy and I know it! point is he/she (wayward) is not running they saw the light of day and had their AHA momemt or OH SHIT what have I done? They are here trying. I know if I cheated I would not stick around. Just sayin.
I was pissy for years he took it.
For what it is worth he would of had more money without me I make sure I spend all I can.
His affair had nothing to do with you it was his lack of ______fill it in all waywards have their issues.
I am 21 years out and his APs all look like shit one fat as hell the other old and all shriveled up haha so it can get humerous if he had been stuck with either one wow whata prize he would of had I point it out often! I is a bad girlie.
So it does get better.
Hold on it is a bumpy journey.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3185 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 7