New Beginnings
User Topic: Everyone is sent for a reason.
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I'm a huge believer in this. I have a friend that I met 2 years ago on OLD. He is emotionally unable to commit, and at that time,I was too.

So, I took him up on his fwb offer. Since then, he has been a part of my life that I really enjoy. We periodically spend time together, talk, laugh, and have a lot in common.

My point is that he was not what I was looking for, but he was exactly what I needed. He helped me to have fun and not take myself too seriously.

While I know that he will never be my Mr Right, he is someone that has made my life better by knowing him.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, October 14th (Monday)

Posts: 35801 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I'm a big believer in this, and actually, kinda needed that reminder. Thanks WM.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I believe in this too. That's why I don't dismiss any person that enters my sphere.....

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, October 14th (Monday)

I have another on that I met on OLD. He was 10 years younger than me. He contacted me, an I thought " what could I possibly have in common with this guy?"

We did not have a romantic connection, but is still consider him to be a great friend. He helped almost as much as SI has helped me to get through the aftermath of the D.

You never know what the universe is going to send to you.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
New Member
Member # 39764
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

That's good to hear, actually. I'm not even close to even wanting to spend time with a man, but I already feel pressure to date, or find someone or whatever. That scares the hell out of me! I love the attitude you have - and I can see that it takes a whole lot of pressure off. I'll remember that when the time comes. Thanks! ~L

He had a long-term affair. I found out 5-years after. We're divorcing after 30 years of marriage (10 of them happy ones). I'm just trying to find my way.

Posts: 29 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

Sometimes when I think of my xWH's perfidy, it reminds me of all the people who are in my life today whom I adore and cherish, but who wouldn't be here if xWH hadn't done what he did. Not quite the same thing, but close.

"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3119 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

Sometimes I have the urge to offer "massage guy" the fwb card.... since I've been on the bus so long and don't really have the time to date... I had a fwb once when I was much younger (like 21) and it worked out kinda nice... we only saw each other like once a month....but man was it WORTH IT... (don't wanna know his number...but it had to be high for him to be so "talented")

My problem was that I wanted more.... and eventually I cut things off with him. I had developed real feelings and that's a big "no no" in a fwb situation. You can't let your feelings get involved. So, I stopped talking to him and started a serious exclusive relationship with XWH.

I think what set me off was that he called me up one day saying he was going to a wedding later and "Did I wanna come over" I did... and was all dressed up... we ended up having sex and then afterwards...told him I was excited about going with him to the wedding (because I was na´ve and had assumed he wanted me to go with him as his date)... Um no... I was just a booty call BEFORE the wedding. Oh. Gee. Thanks. Way to make a girl feel REALLY cheap! I felt so sleazy and dirty and worthless..... and cried all the way home from his house. I never wanted to let another man treat me that way or make me feel that way again. But, it was my fault for letting my feelings get involved. I don't blame him. Even though we had hung out other than sex a few times... went to a party together, danced at the club together, went paintball shooting together and out to eat a few there were mixed signals. But, all in all..... I know that I should have separated my feelings from what "it really was" ... a friend I had sex with occasionally. That's it.

I see small potential with "massage guy" EXCEPT he had a DUI a couple of years ago and doesn't drive....bums rides, runs, or rides the bus (I refuse to be someone I date's taxi service). He is a chain smoker....(I have never smoked a day in my life and that bothers me...sorry to all smokers). He hasn't had a drop of alcohol for almost 2 years now which I find highly commendable....BUT...I still have the fear of relapse... and I have codependent tendencies...

So, we remain just friends. Because of me. He wants more. The sexual tension is there. But, I digress. Many cold showers in my future!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 7:43 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

I really believe this too. :) Sometimes the reason isn't obvious right at first but it's always there.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

Yep - agree.

My XSO was so wonderful for me in many ways. She got me through a great year of transition and excitement. She is a ball of fun, and even though we just broke up, we remain in touch.

She always says Thank You / Thank You for that special year we had, and I feel the same way.

Neither of us is into the FWB idea. She says her "Hoo Ha" is tied to her heart and she will only have sex with someone she really loves and wants to be with longer term. I feel the same way.

I do know we still love each other, but we know we can find someone even better for ourselves and will be happy for each other when the time comes..

I am a lucky guy and you are a lucky girl. Hope your friend doesn't get jealous when I come to see you!

I am really after your Corgis'!

[This message edited by Bebba1171 at 9:51 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]

Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

Trust me, Bebba - the corgis know that they're the main attraction wherever they go.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Topic Posts: 11