User Topic: Am I meeting your needs?
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

My husband asked me this last night as we laid in bed watching TV together. Is he doing everything he could to meet my needs? Is there anything else he can do to be better at meeting them?

Thing is? He *IS* doing everything I need him to do, and I told him so.

I think he was a little worried, because Iíve been in a bit of a funk for a couple of days. Not a big one, and absolutely NOTHING related to him. I think the monsoon we just got out of contributed, a couple stressful days on Friday and Saturday that had to do with our homeschool co-op, not him, and our water heater died yesterday morning (has since been fixed). Plus, though I had an ablation and havenít had a period in about 2 1/2 years, I still get PMS symptoms, I just never know exactly when they may strike since I canít track my cycles anymore.

He *IS* meeting my needs however. Heís been very supportive. He understands my triggers when I have them. We talk all the time. He spends so much more time with me than he EVER did before. He encourages me, he validates things that I do either with the kids or around the house. He appreciates me and thanks me. He is affectionate and loving. He compliments me all the time, and I do not doubt their sincerity at all. Heís even been making me coffee every morning before he leaves for work. He THINKS about me now. He checks in with me during the day, when he comes home, he asks about my day, how did I sleep, and how am I feeling. I feel safe with him.

Itís funny, even my dreams have changed, and that is how I know, even subconsciously I feel safer with him. Before, Iíd have dreams where I was in a situation completely beyond my control. Like in a speeding car careening down a high way towards oncoming traffic and all I could do was sit and wait for the inevitable crash. Or dreams where I was falling off of a cliff and all I could do was wait for the impact. In my dreams and then when I woke I would feel utterly out of control, anxious and scared to death.

Last week however, I had a dream and in it, I was flying. Soaring, like a bird. And not once did I start to fall. I had complete control over my body, where I was going and how to lift off properly without falling down off of that cliff. In my dream, I flew over several cliffs, and saw beautiful scenery. When Iíd start to fly low, I knew how to climb up again. No fear, no anxiety and in control. I felt safe. When I woke up I immediately noticed the huge difference in my dreams. I think this is huge.

So, is he meeting my needs? Yes, he is. We are firmly in reconciliation and recovery. Iím so glad to be here and that our hard work has been paying off.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

I am happy for you. It is so refreshing to hear things like this.

D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)

Wow! So happy for you! And yes, I believe our subconscious selves come out in our dreams. Yours is wonderful. I think you are on a good and healthy path. Hurray for happiness and peace! Good for you!

Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 710 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10343 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)

I''m so glad that he''s so tuned into you!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)

This is wonderful; so nice that he asked you that!

Glad that you are doing well. Loved your dream!

Dday -9/24/2012

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Topic Posts: 6