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User Topic: Unsure where to post a question?
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)

A question has been on my mind for a long time and I'm finally going to just ask it.

My hope is that one of you moderators will move it for me?

I wanted to ask BS and WS a trigger question . I'm trying to figure out how to have communication we have to have be smoother and go past more quickly.

But the X is pushing his affair at myself and our daughter and insists on talking about things that are triggers for me. He gets very angry if I can't listen to something about his "new life" that he is dragging out into the public eye. Why does he not understand the pain it is to me? Searing, scorching, endless pain?

Why does he feel that I need to know these things?

Why can't he understand?

His new theme is that, "If I knew about his new life, it and OW wouldn't be strange."

No. Absolutely not.

And he and OW are the only one that think this.

I didn't know if anyone has experienced this and would be grateful for any ideas. It's terrible to keep hearing.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
HeartInADustpan
Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)

So sorry he's doing this, Ashland. To me, it sounds like he's trying to justify and validate that his actions are OK in your/DD life. He won't be the "bad guy" anymore if you can accept his piece of ass whore...thank goodness I'm in General.

Sending strength and hugs.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)

Ashland,

General is fine for this type of question


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37175 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)

Thank you. I can fathom that idea, it sounds like his odd way of "thinking".

I will never accept her and have said this. Poor DD is massively confused and when I catch him out of bounds, he blames DD and gets seriously nasty.

The things he accuses me of don't even make sense, either.

An example is that he accused me of eavesdropping but his voice is a trigger, so why would I want to hear it on purpose?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
HeartInADustpan
Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)

The things he accuses me of don't even make sense, either.

Yeah, he's totally trying to justify. The more he can make himself believe (and I'm sure he really, really believes all the things he accuses you of), the more OK it was for him to cheat.

KB did it to me during his As. You would have thought I was keeping DS locked in a closet and belonged in the mental ward in a straight jacket by the stuff he told his APs. Sad is he BELIEVED it. He convinced himself and so it was OK to go outside the M.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)

But the X is pushing his affair at myself and our daughter and insists on talking about things that are triggers for me. He gets very angry if I can't listen to something about his "new life"

Have you read "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend? It will help you establish *YOUR* boundaries and come up with a short but powerful response that you repeat -- over and over -- each time he encroaches on your boundaries (until he gets the message).

"I would prefer that you not overshare details of your life; let's return to the subject to details of DD or finance."

IC will help you move on at your own speed and talk through your triggers. An IC will also help you set healthy personal boundaries.

((hugs))


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 6