User Topic: He's not all that
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)

Having left my cheating husband and having distance and time to think, I've come to realize he's not all that.... but just an average looking guy, with an average job and above average selfishness.

What's with these men with thinning hair and a growing pot belly who think thery're all that.

I dated my husband for three years and married for six years. He aged and I loved him anyway.

The thing is if I had just met him today I wouldn't have found him attractive.

Anyone else feel this way?

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)

Oh my God...Yes!!!! I have felt the same way. My WH#2 was not that attractive when I met him and he hasn't improved with the years either, but like you I loved him thinning hair and pot belly and always tried to make him feel attractive.

I look at XWH#1 now and Thank God I am no longer having to look at him everyday.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)

Not me, I still swoon when H walks into a room. Feeling like this makes the (remote) possibility of D pretty damn sucky.

Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9

Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)

Unfortunately my STBXH is a very attractive man and I'm still physically attracted to him. Sigh, sucks that he was such a whole ass. I despise him up top, but bottom hasn't caught up yet.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)

Unattractive on the outside may be just as unattractive on the inside.

I got both.....

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 41870
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Karmita - I have to agree with you! If I was to see my H for the first time now on the street I wouldn't look twice. He his now bald & full of grey chest hairs yet he decided to cheat on me with a butch looking ho worker who is literally twice my size & has a truck ramp for a chin. But I loved my H warts & all.

Trailer park girl would no doubt not be interested in him if he did not have his shiny new Harley. It was soon after this purchase that I noticed changes in his behaviour.

My H has aged big time in the last year & since his career change I currently make twice as much as him. He definitely ain't all that. I wonder what will happen to the lovebirds when his money runs out?

Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows

Posts: 65 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Australia
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

No. My WH has aged well. As a matter of fact he has younger girls after him. They can have him. Physically he is very attractive. He's charismatic. If he didn't hate politics he would be an excellent politician. For two reasons - he has the air and stance and he can lie with a believable smile. He can sweet talk you into buying those lies and then make you feel blessed to have been lied to by him.

If I never knew him before today. Didn't know his past, I'd probly date him.

But knowing what I know about the inside soullessness of him - I would walk.

BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Karmita, thank you for this post. After doing so much work on myself and finally gaining self esteem - HE should fall on his knees and thank God that I even acknowledge him.

He was never a head turner

but like you I loved him thinning hair and pot belly and always tried to make him feel attractive

I looked at some of the pictures AP posted on Facebook of the "couple". WS is not all that. In fact they are more compatible in looks than he and I are.

I am way too good looking for him. He has bad teeth (to keep them has cost a small fortune), skinny legs, a pot belly, Bozo the Clown hair and a HUGE head (I refer to him as Elephant Man Head).
The last few years of the A, he had a growing prostate and had to pee every few minutes. Since then he was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and has surgery. The surgery had left him with some side effects. Talk about Karma!!!

ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive

Posts: 448 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

As a man who is aging I can tell u I have tried offset the effects of time with the building of charActer.

My wife is physically stunning. But looks truly have little value because they fade. She reminds me of one of those Russian eggs. Pretty on the outside and hollow on the inside.

I hurt because i saw the beauty she once had underneath fade and eventuallu die as the effects of her betrayal ate away her. Karma can be like cancer. Eating away from the inside out.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 42148
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

My fws certainly isn't the same as when I met him, but he has aged very well. It does cause a lot of insecurities for me. Then I guess the this post is proof that a cheater is going to cheat whether they are a 2 or a 10.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

When I see shows on Dr. Phil about cheating husbands, 9 times out of 10 these guys are pretty hideous to look at. You wouldn't look once at them if you passed them on the sidewalk, much less twice.

So what desperate women are giving these guys the time of day? I sure wouldn't.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1807 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

So what desperate women are giving these guys the time of day? I sure wouldn't.

Us..the BS is/was/are giving them the time of day.

Keep in mind I am referring to my experience - LTA

I have learned that the qualities that drew us to these people may be the same qualities the AP is drawn to. It was my H being generous and kind that drew me to him. I now know that is part of his NPD.

ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive

Posts: 448 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

No, my exwh is certainly not all that. I haven't actually seen him in many months, which is a good thing. We co-parent by text and that's fine by me. I don't really have too much of a clue of what he looks like now. His weight always fluctuated. He was cute enough and will always have all of his hair so if he's still cute in his 50s, fine. He was never someone who stopped traffic.

Regardless, his insides are hideous. That's actually what I didn't notice before and what still astounds me now.

He is a narcissistic coward who is not the kind, gentle man I thought he was. He's an angry teenager who kicked and screamed his way out of real life and real responsibilities to act like a college kid with the slunt. What drew her to him was, most likely, what drew me to him. He was fun. He was funny and he liked to party. The difference is that we met in grad school when I was in my early 20s and when real life hadn't yet hit.

When the slunt met him, she was a divorced mother of 2 in her 30s. He was a 45 year old professional with a wife and 2 young children. They were drawn together out of a desire to never grow up. It's evident in everything they do. My ex doesn't do the kids' laundry regularly so when they go there they complain that they don't have enough underwear or socks. He lets them go to school looking like rags. He doesn't fix them good food to eat. You don't have to be a gourmet, but give them something other than buttered noodles and hot dogs once in a while - something that at least resembles a vegetable or a piece of fruit. He lives in one of the smallest homes people have ever seen with hand me down furniture and stuff that is pieced together by spit and glue. It's like he didn't want that better life or better things because that would signal that he would have to grow up. He would rather blow money on beer and online poker. The slunt was far, far beneath him in education and professional status to begin with so she thought he would elevate her. The truth is, they just bog each other down.

I was always better looking than him on the outside and I suspect I always will be. No matter what though - I will forever beat both of them in the way of my insides. I can look myself in the mirror and sleep at night knowing that I never destroyed another person and stepped over their dead body to get to my fucked up version of "happiness".

Your ex may be extremely pretty or very handsome, but trust me, unremorseful waywards all have the same nasty qualities on the inside. Until they sit up and take a good long look at themselves, that will never change.

I think lions and killer whales are gorgeous. Doesn't mean I want to stick my hand in their cages or jump in the water with them. They can be gorgeous from afar and they can attack and mangle their own kind.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2838 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

the slunt

ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive

Posts: 448 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

The funny thing is that DH is in much better shape now than he was in the A. And maybe less hair, but it actually looks better. He was attractive then, but (in my eyes) more so now.

So with all the work he has done, internally and externally, I really did get the prize. "It" settled for a (somewhat) out-of-shape, mentally and morally inferior person than he is now. When I think back, at the time, yep, he really wasn't all that - for me . . . but prime prey for it.

Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall

Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
Member # 39694
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

In my case, it doesn't matter how attractive he was (and still is) in physical appearance. All that goes out the window when you see this attractive man, sitting on your couch, who just sharted in his pants because he laughed too hard at his own stupid joke.

There's no coming back from that.

Me, the "B": 41yo
Him, the "W": 38yo
DDay: June 2013
Status: Over

Posts: 296 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Virginia
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

My H has always been attractive....However, at 55, when he is suffering stress, it changes his looks..Its aging him rapidly...He can look 15 years older...Then a month later, look handsome again....weird....
I loved how handsome he has been. However,.It bothered me when women boldly flirted with him. Even if he is with me or the children.
He wasnt too arrogant...He had grown up wearing very thick glasses as a child, so that insecurity stayed with him..

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 941 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 42296
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

No, unfortunately, I am still very very attracted to my H. Even when I try to resist him I really can't. It sucks because I feel like sleeping with him now is almost rewarding him when he's done something so wrong. He just knows how to drive me crazy! I don't have the thinning hair or pot belly problem either, but he is only 28.

Me: BW 28
Him: WH 28
DDay: 1/17/14

Posts: 68 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I think my ws is very handsome but what's on the inside makes him unattractive if you Kwim? Like just looking st him, I think wow you still look good, he's aged very well. He has nice thick hair, has kept his weight down and is active so he's built really nice but I'm just not feelin' that I wanna jump your bones, feeling with him...more like, I wanna break your bones

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:05 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)]
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 19