New Beginnings
User Topic: Dating rules question
Member # 37618
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Let me start by saying I've never really been "pursued" aggressively. The moment my divorce was settled, I have been getting interest from more women than I have had in my adult life. I have been honest in stating that I want to date, have fun, and take my time with things.

What are the rules for dating more than one person? Currently, the two women I have some interest in are completely opposite of each other, and both are intriguing in their own way.

Married 6-10-11
DDay 11-17-2012
DDay #2 6-5-13
Divorced 9-23-13

Posts: 123 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Personally, I believe that as long as you are honest with each that you are not exclusive and are seeing multiple people, then there shouldn't be an issue.

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13806 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Personally, I believe that as long as you are honest with each that you are not exclusive and are seeing multiple people, then there shouldn't be an issue.


If they aren't okay with multi-dating they will make it known or if they are okay up to a certain point (no intimacy, etc. until exclusive) they will make that known too. Just be honest and enjoy yourself!

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Three rules apply in this situation.
1)Honesty 2)Honesty 3)Honesty

You say you've stated your intentions honestly, don't slack off on the honesty part ever. It may well be that you will find yourself more attracted to one than the other as you get to know them. That's when it may get "sticky" because someone may be hurt. People often say they "just want to have fun" when they really are expecting the fun to turn into something more. So, even if you think the women are okay with not being the only one you are may not be the case. I hope they are honest with you in return...

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 40963
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

I agree with everyone else. As long as everyone involved knows that you are casually dating multiple people, its a fair situation.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Yes, just be very clear in what you are looking for. I would also be clear that you are casually dating others so that no feelings are hurt inadvertently.

For me, if a man says, "I'm just looking for friends or to casually date while I'm dating others" then I excuse myself out of the "relationship". I know I don't do casual well.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4182 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Maybe I am a bit old fashion, but I think you are a free agent until there is a mutual expression of exclusivity. Alternately, you can give her your ID bracelet or fraternity pin at the ice cream parlor.

I do not request or expect exclusivity unless I have reason to believe that we would both like to be in an LTR with each other. Just FYI.. this would also be well after having repeated sex because I don't understand how someone could decide that they want to be in an exclusive relationship but not know whether they are sexually compatible.

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 3:49 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Definitely we have different opinions here, I guess you will have to feel comfortable tho.
I am an old fashioned type of person, if he shows interest in me and we date a couple of times, I probably would expect he is not " dating" someone else or I won''t continuing seeing him, or once I started to have sex I would naturally think it should be exclusive.

I totally agree honesty is the key.

M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8