SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: How on earth do people afford attorneys?
statistic
Member
Member # 39192
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

I've visited with 4 attorneys and each quote me retainers that are way out of reach. They all said that it is expensive because we have a 3 month old, parenting plans have to be developed, etc. I'm curious as to how people pay thousands of dollars up front when I'm sure most don't go around saving money for such a thing! Personal loans? Family and friends? I'm truly SOL as I provide for my extended family and cannot ask for money. Is there anything I've not consisted that helped you with the financial burden?


Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing.

~~Tao Te Ching


Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

I took a loan out against the cash value of my life insurance policy.

You can also save money by coming up with your own parenting plan. There are plenty of books out there that can help.

ETCorrect

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 5:29 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1655 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

If you can negotiate and work together...we did mediation. I think it was about $500 to have the mediator help us agree on our terms, then we each turned the document over to a lawyer for review/suggestion.

Sometimes employers offer legal services cheaper than hiring one yourself.

Look into finding a firm/attorney that is offering pro bono services. Ask at your church, friends, etc. Some will also do a payment plan, put it on a credit card.

Yes, it is expensive, but it is cheaper than having to fight someone in court if you don't do it right the first time.

[This message edited by cmego at 7:23 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Credit cards :(
Will your divorce be uncontested?


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Because.......

It's worth it!


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

I will spend every dime I have and then beg and borrow the rest just so that pos doesn't win


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 630 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
peacelovetea
Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

It was cheaper to do it right the first time than to spend more later to try to fix it. I was lucky to have the savings available in the marital funds but I would have put it on a card or taken more student loans to make it happen.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Huge loans from family. Completely worth it in my case.

I figure I got myself into this mess by innocently marrying STBX 18 years ago. Now I have to pay to save myself and my children. It's the only way I can look at the situation and stay sane.


Posts: 1667 | Registered: Oct 2011
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

I put mine on my credit card. My divorce was uncontested and basic. So, it "only" cost $1500.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Abbondad
Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

I will spend every dime I have and then beg and borrow the rest just so that pos doesn't win

Same here. I didn't want this, but my hand was forced. I make OK money; at least it will keep coming in, such as it is, as I have great job security.

My meager savings is barely keeping up with the bills already. But, as one SI poster said to me early on when I fretted about funds, "At what price peace?"

That is how I am choosing to look at it. When I forked over that big retainer, and every time I pay my lawyer's bill, I resigned myself that this will hurt, financially. But it is just money. I will be OK. My kids will be OK. They will always be provided for.

I grew up lower middle-class and at times, poor. I never associated money with happiness. It just "greased the skids" in life. So for me, I am buying peace, order, and dignity for me and my children.

My STBXWW, however, loves money--she came from money--and associates it with contentment. Sad. So ironically, though she has no trouble affording her attorney, I am sure it is killing her.

It really is "just" money.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1587 | Registered: Dec 2012
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

Installment plan.

Very short email messages.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
surviving1963
Member
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, October 17th (Thursday)

My friend, also a BS, told me she took out a loan at her credit union for "Home Improvement". It was literally and figuratively the truth!


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 2:09 AM, October 18th (Friday)

My XH and I sat down and figured everything out before hand, that we would both agree to including the children, custody, visitation, the amount of CS. We did not use a mediator.

Then I found the cheapest lawyer I could find, and we only used the one lawyer. My whole D, including court costs and was under $400. He and I split that cost as I recall. (This was 1992-93).

One thing we definitely agreed on was that lawyers are greedy and it was well worth it to avoid paying our hard earned money to them. I went to one lawyer before that one who insisted on a $800 retainer fee and would not even listen to my plan to "get along" with my X for the sake of our kids. I'm sure he wanted a nasty fight and lots of $ for himself. Well, thank goodness the initial consultation was free and I never went back.


Posts: 5729 | Registered: Apr 2006
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, October 18th (Friday)

Abbondad, if we don't fight now. When will we? I agree. It's only money. I will just make more. !!!!! You would be surprised the things we can do when failure is not an option!!!! Good luck


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 630 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, October 18th (Friday)

You can talk with them about payment plans, and or getting a bank loan.

There are also resources if you truly are destitute, without his income. Please look into all of this.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8228 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
statistic
Member
Member # 39192
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, October 18th (Friday)

Wow. I get the sense that the quote I was given are not the norm. So far I've been asked to pay 8-10 grand with a 2 week payment plan :-/ The divorce will not be contested... At least I do not think. We live in a no fault state, however proof of infidelity provides me with a disproportionate share of our assets and less of our debt. Do I need to find a lawyer to lead the mediation since that sounds like a cheaper option? Or is this something I do on my own. I'm really confused. I feel like I'm coming undone... Personally, physically, and financially. Sorry for the slight vent.


Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing.

~~Tao Te Ching


Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 18th (Friday)

I used a credit card, borrowed money and used my tax return and used a payment plan.

Very few people on here are able to do a divorce without an attorney, especially with kids. If you can't trust them in the marriage, you can't trust them in the divorce.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4751 | Registered: Feb 2008
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, October 18th (Friday)

Are you guys amicable enough that you can work out the details? We did it that way - wrote out our own separation (of propert, possessions and visitation)....the attorney just had to type it up and file it.

If you are dealing with someone who is reasonable - this is an option. If you have someone that is going to be a royal jerk and fight you on everything, then it is crucial you protect yourself and child.

We filed no-fault as well. Since Ex knew it was his fault, it was slanted to my benefit but he signed off on it all.

Also - pricing varies GREAT geographically.

Edited to answer your question: I started stockpiling money when I knew it was over. I saved up enough to cover what the attorney said it should cost. OF COURSE...it was more. I was still able to shift stuff around enough to cover the cost without going the loan route.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 9:38 AM, October 18th (Friday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2056 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Gajit
Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, October 18th (Friday)

I had to borrow from my mom and my uncle just to get HALF of the retainer!

It sucks!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, October 18th (Friday)

I am in the same boat. So for now, I will stay seperated and save. I have my own place so that makes it easier.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, October 18th (Friday)

I have not filed yet, I am a financially disadvantaged retiree who is gonna have a big fight/nasty divorce on her hands..I am not quite ready, still getting my ducks in a row..

My state is a no fault state with equitable division..

The retainer for a L in the county and community where I live in is typically $1500.00-2500.00..

In our state, on the day the lawyer files the petition for D with the court clerk, the clock starts ticking.. We have a 6 week waiting period before the D can be signed off as final by the judge..

If the D is uncontested with little fighting, and if the lawyers are not crooks, than the retainer fee covers the entire cost of the uncontested divorce..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 11:07 AM, October 18th (Friday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1169 | Registered: Nov 2011
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, October 18th (Friday)

I got a few quotes of $1500-$2000 retainers.

I then went to the Legal Aid Bureau and applied to them. They don't take every case, but my cousin had just used them for her divorce, and she put a good word in to her Legal Aid lawyer for me. I had 2 lawyers, they were awesome. The whole thing cost me $37.50 for the process server. Everything else was free.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3311 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, October 18th (Friday)

One thing we definitely agreed on was that lawyers are greedy and it was well worth it to avoid paying our hard earned money to them.

Sigh. Not all lawyers are greedy. Many of us do lots of pro bono work, or take low paying public service jobs. Just saying.

[This message edited by SuperDuperWonderboy at 1:12 PM, October 18th (Friday)]


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, October 18th (Friday)

One thing we definitely agreed on was that lawyers are greedy and it was well worth it to avoid paying our hard earned money to them.

If the D is uncontested with little fighting, and if the lawyers are not crooks

Always makes me chuckle when people slam lawyers.

Until they really need a really good one.


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
sudra
Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, October 18th (Friday)

One thing we definitely agreed on was that lawyers are greedy

Yes, lawyers are all greedy. They are all the same. They are bad.

Stereotype much??? Why is it always okay to slam all lawyers??

Sorry for the t/j but I get really sick of people slamming lawyers and go unchallenged.



Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1456 | Registered: Nov 2010
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

I didn't mean to slam lawyers but I sure came across that way..I apologize..I have a couple of lawyers in my family..

I do feel that lawyers, like counselors, doctors, plumbers vary in their ability, their price and their integrity...

If one is contemplating D it is good to know the reasonable and usual cost of a retainer for D in one's community..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1169 | Registered: Nov 2011
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

Sigh. Not all lawyers are greedy. Many of us do lots of pro bono work, or take low paying public service jobs. Just saying.

T/j I think that I needed that back to earth. My one experience was asking for a lawyer to represent me to get a DV order renewed by my mother. $10,000 I almost fainted. That was with mates rates too as I knew the owner of the law firm.

Also the lawyer who represented my mother was an arsehole who laughed the whole time.

So thanks, I've had this unnatural hatred of lawyers ever since. It's good to be reminded that there are good ones out there that genuinely care. And I'm not being sarcastic


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Blackhair
Member
Member # 39451
Sad  Posted: 6:52 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

In Canada where I live it is more expensive, I interviewed 4 lawyers cost $2000. Yes rate is $500/ hour. We draft SA with a cheap lawyer who cost me $3500, WS keep on delaying final signing it, so I filed for divorce with another lawyer, 2-3 days meetings, paper work and serve WS cost me $2700, my first bill, almost $10,000 for me, average divorce here cost $50,000 and above, thank goodness it is all signed till yesterday.

I am legally separated now. YAaahhhh very happy but extremely SAD!


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 175 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

D costing 50 K, wow!..I know some divorces cost that much here in the US as well...I am gonna have to educate myself on how to get Legal Aid..My fear isn't just the legal/court costs involved, but also a D settlement that causes me to lose half of my meager income..WH pretends to be too crippled to work and complains that he has no income to his name except his unemployment benefits..With that being said I suspect he brings in a little more in income with his unemployment benefits than I do in pension..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1169 | Registered: Nov 2011
Jeaniegirl
Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

Lawyer here.

Legal Aid is income based so not everyone qualifies. There are divorce services that work so well when there is an agreement between both parties. Average fee is around $250. Paralegals do the paperwork and file but this usually works well if both parties come to an agreement prior to filing.


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 974 | Registered: Feb 2005
statistic
Member
Member # 39192
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

Thanks for the info. I'm leaning towards a large loan. I want a great lawyer because an infant is involved.

We have two properties, one of neither of us can afford on our own. My understanding is that we will need to refinance the homes we expect to keep on our own.

How did you go about locating good lawyers? Word of mouth? Is there a certain rating or license I should look for?


Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing.

~~Tao Te Ching


Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
fireproof
Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

I would go to super lawyers.com and look at the lawyers in your area. Look only at Family Law. Try to get someone who has been on the list multiple times. Interview one to three before paying the retainer.

If needed once you decide ask for a payment plan. If they are good they will try for mediation first rarely do the cases make it to actual court.

Mediation didn't work but then we tried again and threatened court and it worked out.

Think about your ideal situation and pick the attorney who you think can get close to your ideal list.

Try when your credit is good to open a credit card or two with 0% as backup.

It might be short or it might be long. Pick your 2 points that are non negotiable.

The mediator was setup by my lawyer and his lawyer. A good attorney will try to find a settlement then mediate then try then if all else fails go to court.

Stay strong- drink water and sleep. Tell your family for a whole you can't help financially. Be good to yourself!


Posts: 932 | Registered: Jul 2012
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

I wonder if the legal aid looks at the income made as a couple or just the income of the party filing for the divorce..
My income is around 23 K a year..

I would give my eyeteeth to have a WH that would not try to take me to the cleaners.

I know that D gets more expensive when either or both parties are fighting and won't come to an agreement..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1169 | Registered: Nov 2011
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, October 20th (Sunday)

I wonder if the legal aid looks at the income made as a couple or just the income of the party filing for the divorce..
For me it was my income only.

My income is around 23 K a year..
They looked at my tax returns, and although I had made more than this the previous tax year,(I had been a teacher, and I was laid off) they took into consideration what my CURRENT pay was, so I qualified based on my unemployment, which at the time was around $350/week. Wherever you live, I'm sure they have their own income scale which may vary. But just to give you an idea.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3311 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Finding a good lawyer is a crap shoot . I have hired numerous lawyers in my lifetime and so has my immediate family. You never really know , my opinion is that it is like anything else you have to go with your gut. I had 4 consults before picking one. They all told me the worst except one , he told me the worst and the best! I went with him. So far so good but in the end I think most are vulchars.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 630 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
lifestoshort
Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

my last was a pro-se so it only cost me $350 or less cause I got a house appraisal.we also had a child! I fought for full custody and won. no trial.

we had a lot of fighting to do to get it done and it took a yr and a half to get it over. BUT it worked.

my ex now and I, he's out for revenge and wants all my stuff prior to marriage as well as animals. we've been married under a yr. I filed already and got it done free due to making so little money. I will have to get a lawyer for the hearing prior to divorce. I know I can use a charge card or ask for a lower fee if I do some of the work myself (like printing forms when needed and filling them out)


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
lifestoshort
Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

"I then went to the Legal Aid Bureau and applied to them. They don't take every case, but my cousin had just used them for her divorce, and she put a good word in to her Legal Aid lawyer for me. I had 2 lawyers, they were awesome. The whole thing cost me $37.50 for the process server. Everything else was free."

Lucky you!! we have no legal aid that will help unless you are battered. I have called a couple times, as well as a friends :(
I do believe they go off one persons income tho.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, October 28th (Monday)

I just had a bad experience with a family lawyer and a different issue. I did consult with a lawyer months ago and she went over the petition with me and advised I could likely file my own petition. Then see what he responds. If he doesn''t respond in 30 days I get what I want by default and don''t need a lawyer. If he responds and it''s contested I will probably need one. I''m fully expecting him to turn into a monster once served but I''m hoping good ol procrastination will save me. I''ve thought of representing myself since I basically could have done what the last family lawyer did for me (which felt like nothing). My best friend has spent 8k halfway through her divorce. I''m not going to say all lawyers are crooks but I will say my recent experience made me realize why do many people hate them. I was asked to provide letters of reference (the more the better) and got charged $75 each for her to review them and give them to the judge. She nickel and dimed me to death!


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
forlornheart
Member
Member # 40726
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, October 28th (Monday)

I'm in the same boat. I've been a disabled mom for half our marriage. He's a temperamental jerk who frequently gets fired and needs to find a new job. He's ruined my credit, I'm not sure how I will ever repair it.

That said, I'm going to borrow the money from family, ask for attorney and court costs to be paid by him. I'll ask for spousal and child support.

Collecting will be a nightmare at times but before I was disabled I worked for the courts....I know how to collect. Plus if he doesn't pay the CS he goes to jail. That will motivate him to work harder.

My life is going to be difficult. Harder than if I stayed. We have so little so it's not as if I'll make out on the divorce.

But I just can't disrespect myself any longer by staying. Plus my children were the ones to first discover this affair. What would I be teaching them if I stayed? It would not send a good message to any of my 4 daughters if I stay with him.

Gotta bite the bullet and hope for the best.

Hugs!
Deb


Me: 48- BW
Him: 45-WH-chronic cheater, PA and EA
Current Her: Mid to late 30's fatassed, no necked, troglodyte
D Day: August 23, 2013
Separated: August 23, 2013


Posts: 52 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Michigan
mychild
Member
Member # 40186
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

You are correct.

Not all lawyers are shit or whatever.

Just the ones that I have dealt with.

My cheater and I have had such horrible lawyers that I told him before I found out he was such a cheater that he should become a lawyer, hence he is now almost a lawyer - still in night school. Uggh. I made my fuckhead cheater become a lawyer so that he can fight me for free.

But anyway - the lawyers I have dealt with have all been very expensive and very incompetent. I love that we pay lawyers to do homework... I don't pay my doctor to do homework. But I pay lawyers to do homework and then it takes them months to find out that they just can't do their homework well and I'm out over $100,000.00. Yes.

I have had the unpleasure of dealing with 3 lawyer groups over the last 5 years. My mother just passed and I even got a lawyer in another state. Same story. Wrong advice, I end up paying.


All the lawyers I've ever dealt with were fuck heads and now I am married to a fuck head who is becoming a lawyer.

I am sure there are good lawyers.

Under rocks.

No, but really. I'm sure there is one or 2 good lawyers.

And yes, we hate lawyers or make fun of them. There is a fucking reason for this! How many people have good experiences with lawyers? How many people go to lawyers because they don't need them? Most of the time if you are going to a lawyer it's because you have to because the government has made it that you have to - you have no choice, or someone is raking you over the coals. So you need a lawyer.

I used to work with lawyers also - through another company that helped lawyers. I was always amazed at their gigantic bills they would bill people. I helped with their billings. And really, when people say lawyers will charge you for paper clips, I believe it.

Plus, lawyers have a lot of bills. Large offices, a lot of employees, mistresses - I mean come on, they have to pay for it some how.

But anyway, my child will soon have a lawyer as a father. I hate him, but I want my child to also to become a lawyer. So yes, I believe most lawyers are incompetent and not ethical in their billing. I will be working with my WS (unless we divorce) to make sure he is competent and ethical and that he does not over bill - for things like mistakes or bad homework. And I will make sure my child learns ethics and becomes an amazingly brilliant lawyer. Something we need a lot more of.

Yes, a rant. Because I have worked with a lot of lawyers and have had very bad/incompetent cases with them and spent our savings on one law firm. Again, there are very good reasons lawyers have such bad reputations. Like prostitutes do. But he shit happens.

[This message edited by mychild at 9:53 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013
hopingforhappy
Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Are there bad lawyers out there? Yes, there are. My FWH and I are both lawyers, I handle the business end of his practice now. So, let me just say that there are also a lot of bad clients out there. Why do you need to pay your lawyer a retainer? Because lawyers have discovered that if they do not get the money up front, many clients won't pay. My FWH does not practice domestic law, but I have friends who have and it is a tough area to practice in--think of all the crazy WS's we hear about on SI all the time. Would you want to represent them? Also, there is a lot of emotion and turmoil to deal with. Not many lawyers want to handle that. The ones that do often ask for top-dollar to do it.

It has been my FWH's experience that clients lie about things, even when they have been told the importance of telling their lawyer the whole truth. This almost never works, the lies are invariably exposed and the case ends up badly--and whose fault is it? Yes, you guessed it, it is the lawyer's fault! You would be amazed at the number of times clients ask for advice, don't follow it, then come back in complaining because things went wrong. Apparently, that is also the lawyer's fault.

I do agree that every person who needs legal representation should be able to have it, especially when children are involved. The funding for legal aid services has been cut dramatically over the past 10 years or so, which is too bad. Few legal aid offices can take divorce cases anymore, unless, as someone already said, there is domestic violence involved.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1293 | Registered: Aug 2010
statistic
Member
Member # 39192
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Sorry, I did not mean for this thread to be used this way. When I started this thread, I did not mean to start a conversation about bad or good lawyers. I do not have the funds, credit, etc to use for one and wondered the strategies others have used to pay for one in case I had not considered something.


Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing.

~~Tao Te Ching


Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Ok, back to the original question.

This divorce has already cost (between the 2 of us) $75k. This is because he did not want me to get a dime of his retirement. He would rather givie it over to the lawyers.

I didn't pay my lawyer a dime the first 1.5 years of this 3 year+ divorce, except the $2,500 retainer.

She saw my SAWH's retirement funds and said that my fees would be taken out of that and they were. He had to take the distribution to give me my half and it was split between both lawyers.

Now, I am having to continue paying in installments because this is an ugly, ugly divorce where he does not agree to a dam thing!

My lawyer has 30 yrs experience and her father before her was a divorce lawyer too. She knew her money was coming via the retirement fund so no problem.

Oh and the $75k was AFTER we went to see the mediator twice!


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 43