I don't know why I was shocked to find out my X was cheating. All the signs were there for years. I chose to make excuses and ignore them. Mostly, I think he'd been involved in several EAs during the first half of our relationship. The PAs probably didn't start until later. Possibly not until OW that he's with now. I'll never know for sure. There was a definite shift in his intent though a couple years before that I think. Again I will never know for sure.
Epiphany: One of the reasons it came as such a shock and I didn't notice the change earlier than I did? That kind of behaviour was his norm! There was nothing to notice. He had always acted that way. He had always been having some sort of fling be it EA or PA there was always something.
Don't know why this matters to me but it makes me feel better to realize that I wasn't really missing a big change. But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler