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Reconciliation
User Topic: Ouch! That stings.
Mack9512
Member
Member # 38619
DOH!  Posted: 10:24 AM, October 18th (Friday)

As I've posted about before, my fWH's Aunt blames me for my fWH's A. She said that I must have done something, or didn't do something, to make him stray. My fWH was very clear in telling her that I was in no way to blame for the A and that is was "all on him" but she insists on laying the blame.

My fWH wanted to break off all contact with his Aunt since she isn't really a friend to the M, however, since he doesn't really have much of a family left I convinced him to give her another chance. She lives all the way on the other side of the country so there really isn't much she can do.

About every 3 months or so, my fWH and his siblings email contact with her to see how she is doing. In the most recent exchange all siblings detailed their family lives and what's going on in their little corners of the world. All expounding on the merits of the children's sporting abilities or lack thereof, the temperament of the various puppies and current job situations. In my fWH's email to the Aunt, he told her about his need to find a new job, about our little puppy, our DD's school year and soccer stats and my promotion (a very lucrative and important promotion I might add). In the Aunt's reply she individually responded to each sibling and the things mentioned in each email. When she got to my fWH's turn, she praised him, my DD and the puppy. I was not mentioned at all. I found this so funny I actually laughed at loud at work. I think she just blew her last chance at being part of fWH's life.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 313 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, October 18th (Friday)

How on earth do you side the the W? I mean, as family, you still love them and root for them, but to side with them and blame the B? Especially if trying to reconcile the marriage. I find that so odd. Glad you can laugh about it, what else can you do?


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (48) 10 years, together 15
D-Day 6.8.13
D-Day #2 9.6.13 Broken NC/TT
D-Day #3 10.23.13 "Full Disclosure"
WH having PA with MW coworker 3.13-6.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Mack9512
Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, October 18th (Friday)

OC18,

I put it down to 2 things really. 1) her father cheated on her mother, her brother, my fWH's dad, cheated on fWH's mom, fWH's brother and SIL cheated on each other numerous times, and both of my fWH's sister's husbands cheated on her...so in a sick and twisted way infidelity is 'normal' for them; and 2) blood is thicker than water and the original story that my fWH told them made it seem like our M had been in 'trouble' for years. My fWH admitted to her that he lied but I think at her age, she is in her late 70s, it is just easier to turn a blind eye.

I will never see her in person, nor will my DD, so to her!!


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 313 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, October 18th (Friday)

My MIL, who is an unremorseful WW & OW herself, blamed me for WH's A, & made excuses for his continued contact with OW after Dday.
Being a mother myself, I know I would love my child no matter what he or she did, but if they did something wrong, I would certainly hold them accountable for it. And I would never turn my back on a daughter-in-law , the mother of my grandchildren, who was very good to me & treated me like her own mother.
But she did that to me, & as a result, I really haven't had much to do with her since Dday---for me the relationship is over.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Dec 2012
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, October 18th (Friday)

Sounds like my in laws. They blame me even though they have been told the whole horrible truth. I just ignore them. I figure they are in their 70's so they won't be around much longer and FWH rarely has anything to do with them because of it. His mother will call him repeatedly with the guilt treatment and he will finally go see them for about 30 mins roughly once a month.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, October 18th (Friday)

I was like you once.

FWH wanted nothing to do with his asshole father and sister. I was always like, "They're FAMILY. You LOVE each other! We can FIX this!!"

Well, after 10 years of being consistently disrespected and scapegoated for every single one of his toxic family's issues, I FINALLY learned to detach. There's still a part of me that feels weird not to be fretting and fixing, but I also have a ton more respect for myself for letting go.

No more chances for the aunt from you, and if she looks at you sideways he needs to be the one to say cease and desist.

Crickets are ok too. Ask Dr. Susan Forward.


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14581 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Herkemeyer
Member
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, October 18th (Friday)

the OBS blames me for my WW and the OP shacking up. I guess she couldn't blame her WH or her BFF so I was the only one left. People are weird!!!


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 91 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
Topic Posts: 7