SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Taking it Back
inshockandhurt
Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 3:05 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

Tonight the moon was beautiful and when I went outside I decided to take back one of the places that was a trigger for me. I went to counseling today and my IC said I should try to make new memories so I tried that tonight. Last year on my birthday I spent the night hanging out with my husband and the OW, not knowing what was going on of course, and we hung out in the parking lot of my apartment complex drinking and talking and ever since I found out I trigger every time I pass the spot that we were hanging out in, which really sucks because it is a place I pass every single day. So tonight when I saw that the moon was so pretty I went inside and asked my husband and our son to come outside with me, we took hot chocolate and sat outside enjoying the pretty moon, cuddling and talking in that same spot. I donít know if it will work but I am hoping that now instead of only seeing that spot as a trigger, I can also see that spot as a symbol of recovery and fun family time. I hope it works and if it does I am going to think of ways to do this with some of my other triggers, even the ones I have been avoiding. Maybe I will still think of my birthday when I see that spot but hopefully now I will also be able to smile remembering the moon and my son being so cute. Thanks for reading.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 277 | Registered: Mar 2013
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

That's great. I am a firm believer in take it all back. We have taken back times and places and dates and things. Some have gone great. Some kinda indifferent. We haven't had a bad experience yet though.

If you and your H would be up for it, I might recommend telling him what you are doing and try to plan it together. The working together builds a sense of united purpose and team work. We have found that part of it just as if not more important than the actual taking back.

Good stuff!!!


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

I love what you did! The hot chocolate was a perfect touch. I'm so glad you took back YOUR space, and I hope that you always have THIS memory!!


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

That's great, isah! I hope the new lovely memory supplants the ugly one...and that you're successful implementing your strategy with other triggers!


"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment

Posts: 3853 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
WhatsRight
Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

I too hope you shared with your husband what you were doing.

I can't imagine how much that would mean to him too!

Good for you!


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1844 | Registered: Apr 2012
breakingpoint
Member
Member # 40963
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

Cool idea. I think its really great that you included your husband too.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Oct 2013
inshockandhurt
Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

I didn't actually tell him what I was doing, I am not sure why. I guess I was afraid to ruin it or something. But I am going to talk to him about doing it with other things, and let him know about the other night too. Thanks for your support everyone.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 277 | Registered: Mar 2013
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

I love it!
I have taken back my church (in process) a scarf, lots and lots of things at the gym, a gift my husband gave me the day before the first time he slept with OW, kissing, sex, and oh yeah -- my husband. ha ha.

The last one was church, and I say it is in process because I got no sense of relief there yet. But, I will. I am too stubborn to let someone so inconsquential steal anything of value from me. It was a perfect storm of a mistake that it even happened in the first place.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 6:09 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1738 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
33years
Member
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

This is my first time here and my very first post. I was touched by your thoughts on "Taking It Back". Excellent idea! There are so many negative triggers that I would love to remove. Thank you, I'm going to try.


Me (BS) 58
Him (WH) 57
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing anymore is certain"

Posts: 72 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
Tinker01
New Member
Member # 40312
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Thank you all for sharing your stories! They have given me hope that I will find the strength to start taking my moments back!


Me 40
Him 5
Dday June 20/23 2013

Posts: 14 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Tinker01
Tinker01
New Member
Member # 40312
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Thank you all for sharing your stories! They have given me hope that I will find the strength to start taking my moments back!


Me 40
Him 5
Dday June 20/23 2013

Posts: 14 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Tinker01
inshockandhurt
Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Thanks! I am so glad that you both were helped by this post! I talked to y husband and we are going to start taking everything back. My IC said that I needed to just start making new memories to replace the old ones and try my hardest to stop thinking about the triggers. So that's what I am going to do. I don't know if I will manage it or not with the holidays coming, but I am hopeful. I will post my progress and the stuff that we try.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 277 | Registered: Mar 2013
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, October 21st (Monday)

SWEET! Im heading to Buffalo Wild Wings!


hubby took me there for a "date" night during the A because I begged him for some "us" time, I obviously didn't know where all of the "us" time had gone- he made tons of trips to the bathroom to text her the whole time. I thought he was ill.

We have been doing great, and after this post..I am motivated!
I am taking back my Spicy Thai Wings!
Woohoo


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
toughernow
Member
Member # 40915
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, October 21st (Monday)

What a great way to take back control over your memories. I have been inspired by your example. I will try to do the same


BS (Me) - 47
WS(Him) -48

Married 23 years - together for 29 years


DDay - June 10th 2012 then TT'd-June 2012 - July 2012 (and beyond????)
2 amazing children

"Understanding love is one of the hardest things in life." - Fred Rogers


Posts: 98 | Registered: Oct 2013
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Wondertwin, that first wing might be tough to swallow, but it only gets easier.

Case in point: on our anniversary my H and I ran side-by-side on treadmills at the gym. He had done that with OW, so it was one of my worst triggers ever. Sheer misery....and on our anniversary! I left furious and on the edge of tears.

Today, a little less than a week later we did the same thing....no big deal. He even checked in, and I was surprised I was totally fine.

So, have faith ya'll, and keep trying!


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1738 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 15