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Reconciliation
User Topic: Deleted Facebook account
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

Today I was on Facebook and BS send me a message on FB and asked who I was chatting with.

I didnt know what she was talking about since I was not chatting and my chat is actually turned off. I was on Facebook though looking at a family member's recently posted pictures.

She does have the password to my Facebook account. Since Facebook has been a problem with us, I decided just to delete the account.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
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Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

Bravo!

I found it wasn't just about giving passwords to my wife. It was about eliminating any activity that had an ability to trigger her.

Great decision!


WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

If I sent my H a message asking who he was chatting with and he deleted his account, I would think he had something to hide.

Posts: 11403 | Registered: Mar 2008
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

I agree, Bravo! Took a trigger out of the picture entirely.

if your spouse has questions, I think you can re activate a fb account and she will still be able to see your activity (correct me if im wrong)

good for you.


Posts: 1332 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

If I sent my H a message asking who he was chatting with and he deleted his account, I would think he had something to hide.

I can see this..... It would definitely trigger most BS's

It would definitely be an issue if you couldn't re-activate the facebook account. But facebook doesn't actually delete anything, you just make the account inactive and as long as you have the password you can re-activate it anytime.


WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

Both H and I deleted our accounts and got a joint one. At first it was confusing to friends/family but now it's fine and I enjoy not having to worry about who he might be friends with or might message him cause it goes to both of us! Facebook was how he chatted with OW.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

But facebook doesn't actually delete anything, you just make the account inactive and as long as you have the password you can re-activate it anytime.

You can delete forever but it takes 2 weeks and if you log in you have to wait another 2 weeks. We just googled "delete Facebook account for good".


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

Thank you! It feels great not to have it anymore. It's not something I need and my marriage is more important than Facebook.

@ThoughtIKnewYa
My BS has my password and has checked it before. The password is the same and she can reactivate it if thinks she needs to.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
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Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, October 20th (Sunday)


But facebook doesn't actually delete anything, you just make the account inactive and as long as you have the password you can re-activate it anytime.

You can delete forever but it takes 2 weeks and if you log in you have to wait another 2 weeks. We just googled "delete Facebook account for good".

PP, it still doesn't delete 'forever'. You can still retrieve it forever with the password!



WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

But facebook doesn't actually delete anything, you just make the account inactive and as long as you have the password you can re-activate it anytime.
You can delete forever but it takes 2 weeks and if you log in you have to wait another 2 weeks. We just googled "delete Facebook account for good".

PP, it still doesn't delete 'forever'. You can still retrieve it forever with the password!

Not true :) and for the record I tried to log in with my old account and H's and was told it doesn't recognize the email address(es)

https://m.facebook.com/help/www/224562897555674


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Patchy
Member
Member # 39228
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

I think that's great. However the frustrating thing for me was no matter how many times I checked my husband's FB page after Dday 1 (had his password) and even if he, quote, "HAD no FB page" end quote, it didn't matter. He had a fake one under some girl's name and so did the OW. He used his cell phone to message her all he wanted on their fake accounts.

For that reason and the fact that she wouldn't leave a Facebook group I was in, and because so many of my FB friends know her which just makes me feel icky when I see a post from them ... I just hate Facebook and quit posting.

I didn't delete my account yet. I still want to be able to interact with my kids and anyone else who says "Hey did you see my post?" And if its interesting enough I can go on if I choose. But so far I'm not really missing it.

I do, however, wish he would just delete his account. Ain't gonna happen though. He's a social butterfly. Posts quite often.

I'm currently don't have a reason to be suspicious though. He's done enough to prove that.

I think.


Me BS 44
Him FWS 45
Married 23 Years
DDay 1 July 2012
DDay 2 Christmas Day 2013 same woman
EA with kissing, very strong bond and talk of leaving spouses for each other.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013
20WrongsVs1
Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, October 21st (Monday)

I believe you when you say you deleted it because your M is more important than FB, and applaud you for that!

How did BW react? Deleting it without discussing it with her first could be interpreted as a passive-aggressive move. Clearly some of the BSs in this thread jumped to even worse assumptions. Not accusing you of such, just wondering how your decision landed with BW. As WSs we need to be careful in making unilateral decisions for the good of the M, because they don''t always have the outcome we''d aimed for :)


fWW: 42
BH: 52
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Topic Posts: 12