Topic: Down the rabbit hole I went...
Member # 40769
| Posted: 11:59 AM, October 19th (Saturday)|
Things have been going super. Really great. Lots of talking, openness, good times, new memories.
But i do still trigger( of course I do it's only been three months)- and I share with him when I do.
But this morning, I went down the rabbit hole with one tiny little trigger.
Let me explain...
He has been very open with his passwords, phone, etc.
H has a friend- lets call him Keith. Keith was the "excuse"friend. I cringe when i think about how i nicknamed "keith" his girlfrend because they talked so much. But keith was his excuse- As in "I'm going to Keith's house" or "I just need to call Keith." When he was really with OW. My favorite was "Keith's basement doesn't get service so Ill be out if contact for awhile." Ass.
After Dday, I know that Keith was unaware and actually pretty upset with my H when he found out about the A. And he let my H know it.
They have since been mending things and im glad- Keith is a good friend. But this morning, on WHs phone there was a text from Keith. It just said "home from mass"
Keith travels between our town and his family's home in Massachusetts often for work, etc.
So- I just thought it was weird that he would text to my H that he was home. What are they girlfriends? BOOM! Automatically I envisioned him changing her contact number in his phone to read "Keith" and all of "Keith's" texts were actually from her, all the phone calls, etc etc. I created this entire ruse in my head at 7 am this morning.
I shared it with H, and he was great- gave me his phone, let me see the number, let me call Keith (sorry for the wake up call dude)... And basically reassured me that I have access to any and all communications- he even offered to answer his calls on speaker from now on. It meant the world to me. He did not laugh at my overreaction, he did not scoff or get defensive. He said he was so sorry that his actions made me feel this way.
We were able to really discuss some of my triggers and I was able to explain how I can't really control them and I HATE the way my mind works sometimes. He was incredible about it.
I am wary of getting too comfortable- but it has been a great couple of days and I am just glad he continues to do just the right thing.
He is really working on this. :)
Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
14 years- 2 middle school children
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC
Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 35812
| Posted: 2:07 PM, October 19th (Saturday)|
This is a GREAT example of how remorse and support are supposed to work. Well done, Mr. Wondertwin. (((hugs))) You guys did great!
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Posts: 3779 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 36622
| Posted: 6:18 PM, October 19th (Saturday)|
Great communication and team work. That's how this is done...together.
fWS 36 (broevil)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better
"Knowing is half the battle"
Expecting progress not perfection
Posts: 2322 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 18179
| Posted: 9:05 PM, October 19th (Saturday)|
An "attaboy!" for your H (and sounds like the real Keith deserves a pat on the back, too, in terms of the big picture), and congratulations to you and your fWH for handling a trigger situation together. I second Skan & Chicho's remarks....this is how successful R can happen. This won't be the last trigger, but dealing with them together is what separates success from other outcomes it seems.
"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment
Posts: 3704 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
|Topic Posts: 4|| |