SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Kintsukuroi
unfound
Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, October 20th (Sunday)


The A broke our M. Slowly cracking it during the A. I could see the small cracks, but didn't know what they were, or how they were getting there. I tried to fix them...but without knowing why they were there, I couldn't.

On dday, it shattered. I was there, looking at all the pieces on the ground, not knowing if it could ever be repaired, not knowing if it was even possible.

I tried carefully, gently putting the pieces back together, but they wouldn't stay. I threw the pieces across the room. I ignored the pieces. I hated the pieces, yet I loved them at the same time....but I couldn't fix it, not alone.

I held all the pieces, and the choice to allow him to help me repair it or not.

At first, he tried to help by showing me which pieces went where. I already knew that, but couldn't make them stay in place. They would balance for a while, then fall back away.

Then he tried to hold them in place with fools gold. It looked pretty, but didn't have the strength to hold the weight, the history, the importance of the pieces.

It wasn't until he found his real gold, not fools gold, that the pieces started to go back together. Finding that gold took a long time. Sometimes what he thought was real, wasn't. Sometimes there were so many impurities, the pieces either didn't fit smoothly together or ended up slipping, or never setting firmly in place.

At times, I held back pieces, even when he had the gold to repair the pieces. I had to be sure that he wouldn't grow tired of mining the gold and there wouldn't be enough to put all the pieces back together. The sharp edges would eventually kill me.

Over time I saw that he had found, within him, a vein of gold. He didn't have to look outside himself to mine it. Slowly, the pieces went back together. Sometimes they fit in perfectly, sometimes we had to search for slivers of pieces before we could fill in the crack.

Seeing the vessel now, it is beautiful. Not because of the A, but because of how we repaired it. It's beautiful in it's own way. It's strong. It's imperfect. It's ours..and all the scars and cracks remind us of the work we've done to make it so.

[This message edited by unfound at 10:37 AM, October 20th (Sunday)]


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14830 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, October 20th (Sunday)

I hear you. Thank you, that is beautiful.

My WS tried fools gold and then walked.

My marriage is still in pieces.

For a while, I thought I was in pieces too. But I'm not a broken pot. I'm more like my alabaster votive.

My alabaster votive has flaws throughout. You can't actually see them when the candle isn't lit, but they're there. But when the light is shining through it, the flaws are visible to all. Amazingly though, these don't make it ugly or worthless. The light shining through it gives the alabaster character and makes the flaws beautiful.

My marriage is like the broken pot. I still have a faint hope that perhaps WH could discover his true gold. But no matter what happens to my broken pot, I will be a beautiful alabaster votive with the light shining through.

[This message edited by Softcentre at 10:22 AM, October 20th (Sunday)]


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 769 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, October 20th (Sunday)

Wow. That was beautiful. I don't have the words to say how much that touched me.
Thank you so very much.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, October 20th (Sunday)

Very good analogy. Thanks for sharing.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9423 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, October 20th (Sunday)

Beautiful!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3185 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, October 20th (Sunday)

I loved that. Showing H, I know he'll love it too.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 890 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Exactly how I feel. Thank you for posting this - very poignant.

Posts: 931 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Fantastic post


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36519 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
JustDesserts
Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Love this post. Already shared with my BS.

If it would fit on a vanity license plate I'd get it.

Or maybe it's tattoo time...


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Want2help
Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

This is wonderful.

Thank you so much for sharing this.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2162 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

I needed to see this today. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.


"I would rather take a punch than not give you a shot. I'd rather find out who you are than who you're not."

Posts: 6296 | Registered: Dec 2010
33years
Member
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Such encouraging words! Thank you.


Me (BS) 58
Him (WH) 57
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing anymore is certain"

Posts: 72 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
5674emt
Member
Member # 40012
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Great job. It is really helpful for those of us who are still looking for a way to accept that what had been broken, can be fixed with added improvements.


BS 53
WH 44
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
DD 12-8-12
OW=Xfriend
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.

Posts: 87 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, October 21st (Monday)

So true so real so touching

Thanks and hopefully working on getting those pieces together.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Thank you for sharing this. The gold in that vase really does make it more beautiful. If it applies to M too there is much to look forward to.

HBH


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Neznayou
Member
Member # 40654
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Not long after DDay, my BH sent an article to me about the history of this art form. He, too, compared our relationship to one of the pots which was broken but made more valuable by the use of gold to seal the cracks. I think of the analogy often.


Me: WW
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
Admitted PA: 12 Aug 2012
TT ended: Jan 2014

Posts: 127 | Registered: Sep 2013
refuz2bavictim
Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Love this


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

So touching. Thanks for sharing this.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36696 | Registered: Sep 2007
Thiscantbhapning
New Member
Member # 39601
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Wow. That is beautiful. Truly.


BS (Me)-48
WH-49
COW-28
PA-5 1/2 months
D-Day 5-8-11 (Happy Mother's Day to me)
Married 26 years
DS-24
DD-22
Trying to R
"Maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up."

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)


so happy for you both and empowered by those who have walked this path successfully before me.
thanks


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1865 | Registered: Nov 2010
meplusfour
Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Thank you for this reminder that broken things can be mended and become beautiful in a different way.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 356 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 21