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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: The Wedding Crasher
Ellejay
Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, October 21st (Monday)

Well despite my son's initial refusal to allow his father to bring OW2 to his wedding, he has now relented due to ex H's sociopathic behavior. It is all about HIM and his whore apparently. The wedding will take place 26 Jan next year and sadly I am dreading it. I could create a drama of my own but I have decided to be there no matter what to support my son. In a way it will be quite good for Sir Shagalot to see everyone's non-reaction to his whore. It is ludicrous that she would even want to be there but that's narcissism for you.

Any tips on how to remain composed throughout?


Ellejay


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1096 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, October 21st (Monday)

Well, I have tried the Xanax solution for things like this.

I am not a drug user or abuser, however the few times I did this it (.5 of one pill) helped tremendously. I was calm and cool and dignified and able to enjoy the event.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:17 AM, October 21st (Monday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2688 | Registered: Jan 2010
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, October 21st (Monday)

1. No group pictures - even at sons request honestly. I know this may 'make a scene' but if it is handled before the big day, then there will be no issues.

2. Ignore, ignore, ignore. don't say hi, dont make small talk.

3. Walk away. Anytime they are by you, walk away.

4. Don't Drink. Or at least only have the drink at the toast and no more. Liquid Courage can turn into liquid Stupid pretty fast.

Hang in there....i can't begin to imagine the stress. Your son will remember your compassion and love, and your ability to keep it cool even with Sir Shagalot's whore there.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1757 | Registered: Sep 2012
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, October 21st (Monday)

She's got some audacity.

Why did he relent?

If it were me and I was presented with "If she can't come, then I'm not coming", then I'd be like "ok, your choice"

He shouldn't set the precedence of being allowed to be kept an emotional hostage to his father's entitlement.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Pippy
Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, October 21st (Monday)

When I got married my mother refused to attend my wedding if my father brought the OW. They were D 4 years before. It put a tremendous stress on me as I was caught in the middle, and I still feel it was a cloud over my wedding day. Luckily the OW backed out but not before I had a very ugly phonecall with Dad.

Now my son is getting M in the spring and I plan to attend, with my head held high and dancing the night away with my grandkids. Ignore them!


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, October 21st (Monday)

You wear something fabulous. You hold your head high and pretend she does not exist. You have nothing to be ashamed of. She does, and she's probably gonna act all kinds of obnoxious to try and overcompensate for the fact that she is unwelcome. Let her be trashy but don't react, let her dig her own hole. Don't let her bait you into being the once to make a scene.

You could also enlist some close friends/family to run interference and keep her away from you.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49480 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Charity411
Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, October 21st (Monday)

The best way to get through it is to focus on one thing and one thing only. Your son. It is his and his bride's day. The best wedding present you can possibly give them is to lay down your anger for a day. As justified as it may be. That day isn't about exes, lies and pain. It's a celebration of love.

My daughter got married a year and a half ago and in spite of them both being there, I had a blast. I even dragged him out on the dance floor to her astonishment...and his. She never danced once. And my daughter was delighted.

The groom's parents had an identical situation to mine except he left his wife for her best friend. His mom would not only not be in room with him, but she wouldn't be in a room with any of his family members either. We had to have two separate showers.

So put on them dancing shoes and show em how it's done.


Posts: 350 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I agree w/no drinking. Also, make sure you look FABULOUS!

Treat it like a hand of high stakes poker. Tiniest hint of a shit eating grin, confident, no showing any emotion in their direction.

Congrats to your son!


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 756 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
breakingpoint
Member
Member # 40963
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Is there a good friend that you could assign to be your wing man/lady? Someone to be on alert, keep an eye out for them approaching, remind you of your purpose, etc? That person could also get blunt about not intermingling (if the need arrises) leaving you to be there for your son.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Oct 2013
Ellejay
Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, January 16th (Thursday)

Thank you for your advice people. It is now 9 days before the wedding and I am OK. My ex mother-in-law also died last Thursday which was very sad. We had re-connected over the past few months since her diagnosis and I was with her at the end. Another relationship that was almost fractured completely thanks to his lordship's shit.

I will hold my head up and surrender (as the song goes). Can't promise to stay away from the alcohol though but the upside is that I am a happy drunk.

God Bess everyone. Hope your year turns out to be wonderful afterall.


Love Ellejay


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1096 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, January 16th (Thursday)

It will be tough, but just remember that the worse she acts, the better she makes you look....so long as you take the high road and ignore her and any of her antics.
Different drama, jealous ex wife. ExW used to make a complete ass of herself at every event she tried to goad me into a pissing contest. She said awful things, and downright rude things to provoke me. I pretended that she wasn't even there...to the point that I would look straight through her and act like everything she said was just a fly buzzing.
My STBXH family used to adore her. They cannot stand her anymore.
She does not get invited to any events even though she is the bio mother of my two DSSs. In their eyes, I am their mother and have been their mother for the last 10 years.
Your situation is a lot harder, Ex W wasn't an OW in our situation. But the same principle applies. No doubt bitchface whore will act a fool, let her, it only makes you look better in your family and children's eyes.
Peace and strength be with you on your son's
special day!
ETA: BTW everyone got a huge laugh out of our humorous act of me tranquilly pretending she wasn't even there and her getting even angrier that she was being ignored by me. If you picture that, it might help you keep your tranquility!

[This message edited by StillLivin at 12:57 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2263 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 16th (Thursday)

Wear something you feel amazing in.
Take a good friend along for support.
Get there early.
Focus on your son and his new bride.
Rest assured that no matter how uncomfortable you feel, OW will be feeling even more so.


Most of all remember that she is nothing more than a "plus one" for this event. She is not family, and she is not permanent. She is temporary.

You are the mom, and that is forever.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 870 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 12