User Topic: XPerv Changes Tune
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, October 21st (Monday)

So I wonder if any other WS's have rewritten the break up/"reasons"?

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Mine did. He still does when the kids ask.

It went from him having thoughts that he didn't want to be married anymore because he just wanted to be alone to loving me but not being in love with me anymore. His reason for that went from the fact that I didn't like his family when we first got together (15 years before) to me "forcing" him to move to my home town, 10 years before.

He then said that he felt like this all happened for a reason, like some divine intervention occurred to help him find his true happiness. I said, yes, let's not forget that the reason has a name and is a home wrecking slut.

He says different things when the kids corner him about it. At first, he said we fought too much. Funny, I don't remember ever fighting until he told me he didn't want to stay married, and I did most of the fighting since he didn't really want to discuss why he felt the need to ruin his family. He then said he just didn't feel the marriage was working, whatever the fuck that means to a 10 year old kid. Now, he says he still loves mommy, but not like he used to.

I'm sure it will change again over time. None of it matters. What really stands out is that he has never just come out and said he cheated and wanted to be with someone else. It's like if he doesn't say it, it didn't happen that way.

I would have had more respect if he had just said it. I could have done without the caking eating dog and pony show that nearly killed me.

He will never get it. To him, we're all better off now.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2848 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Oh yes, he re-wrote the entire last year of our marriage and everything. It's weird you posted about this because I was just thinking about that on my walk today. About how he supposedly told me the marriage was over and that he was going to be looking for someone else. Um, I think I would have remembered that conversation

From what I have read during my 2+ years on this site, re-writing the marital history and other facts is very commmon.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Oh yes, my XWH did too.
However, since I have a ton of emails from him admitting a fair amount of dirt (cheating, stealing, etc) if my kids ever question me, I'll just point to the evidence on hand.

ETA: I should clarify that if my kids every say that I've lied about something with regard to their father, then I'd show them the evidence in his own words.
Otherwise, I dont bother talking about XWH to my kids unless they ask a specific question.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 2:17 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, October 21st (Monday)

He tells everybody that we divorced because we were always fighting over money.

He also tells everybody that he divorced me.

I know the truth and that's all that really matters.

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

Posts: 4792 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Don't know. Don't plan to ask

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, October 21st (Monday)

He has rewritten the reasons multiple times. In fact, every time he felt the need to give a reason why our relationship ended (it never had anything to do with the conversation it's just a defensive impulse he apparently has now) the reason was different than the previous reason. No surprise that cheating isn't a factor in his warped mind.

The reasons change because the truth doesn't matter to him. What matters is that he convinces me and anyone else he is speaking to that it is not his fault.

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, October 21st (Monday)

No surprise that cheating isn't a factor in his warped mind.

This blows my mind (it's the case here too). It was always something ELSE. Not the fact that he lied and cheated!!! GAH!

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I said, yes, let's not forget that the reason has a name and is a home wrecking slut.

Good answer, suckstobeme!

I have no contact with any of our old friends or her family, so I have no idea what The Princess is telling them, but I'm sure it doesn't paint HER as the guilty party. Have I mentioned that she doesn't do anything wrong?

Her reason is that we were just never a good match - and that is totally true - but we were a bad match for 17 years. Her planning a threesome with her best friend, and that friend's married boyfriend was the catalyst that got my arse moving out the door though.

And I suppose there were the others as well. God, she's fucked up.

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2139 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, October 21st (Monday)

They changed constantly. They were always incredibly flimsy (you are a slob, you're a bad cook [still would ask me to make all his fave meals after DD, tho], things of that ilk).

The only one he was consistent with was "OW has nothing to do w/this. We were divorced anyway". He first spouted that one w/in days of DD. Funny, considering I had no idea that we were divorced. I guess all his talk about renewing our vows abroad for our upcoming anniversary confused me into thinking I was still M'd.

There was also the classic "You destroyed everything to the degree that it can never be fixed". I often felt like he was saying the shit to me that he felt about himself.

He has painted himself as the victim the entire time. When I was still talking to him, I'd simply tell him that the D was due to his A & his mistress.

I think in these situations, ppl easily suss out what is the truth, ie, who the real aggrieved party is. In my case, how credible is it to cry about cheating Vulcanized & by the way, this is my brand new girlfriend? This incident having taken place less than a month after I left him.

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 767 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I think they all do this. The Gnat told me he just "fell out of love" with me and that I never supported him. He also still maintains the idea that he never actually had an A, that we were already separated. I guess his idea of separation means that we sleep in the same bed and we never discuss separation.

BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 934 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Mine claimed to still love me but she met someone who she felt an amazing spiritual connection with and when he held her, it was like their souls became one. Also, our roof had a leak and it took me two weekends to get around to patching it. So I totally deserved it. A few months later, she apparently decided that I had emotionally abandoned her years prior and that I didn't love her like she deserved to be loved.

I hope she enjoys changing his Depends.

[This message edited by h0peless at 7:15 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

Posts: 1749 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, October 21st (Monday)

He also told me he felt we never had a connection because he didn't feel anything for me like he does for ow.

I think I've had wasps and bees sting me in a nicer way than that.

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Mine told me that from the day he said "I do" he knew he would never be good enough for me. WTF?

He also said he didn't have any feeling for ow until the day he moved in with her. Again...WTF?!?!?! I could drive myself insane thinking about all the crazy hurtful things he said about our marriage, most which were completely untrue and very, very hurtful.

M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filed for D, almost done!

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Mine did what he always does, flips the truth. According to him, he filed for D because I cheated.

Not sure how he explains away the part where he's the "respondent" in our D.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 8:30 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 413 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

My XWH, when cornered by a co-worker, said that the marriage was "really bad for a long time". When co-worker responded "Really? Then why did you just adopt a newborn baby if the marriage was 'really bad'?" He said "I thought the baby would save the marriage." Co-worker wasn't buying it.

We were not fighting or arguing. We were adopting a baby and were on cloud 9.

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3427 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Oh yes, in fact just moments before he left,he tried out 7, yes 7 reasons why he was leaving. none of them held water and he finally said that he wasn't cut out for relationships (umm, then why have an A, which is, you know, a relationship? Doofus!)

And the reasons change every time he opens his mouth. But then, if he could really admit why...he probably wouldn't have left!

[This message edited by Softcentre at 11:31 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]

Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1074 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Faithful w/Love
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

We fight to much..Yeah because you were in an A for 3.5 years.

nothing was ever good enough for me... I was actually asking to just be loved, you know maybe a hug?

I made him marry me.... Okay

I was trying to always change him... I truly don't remember doing that unless it was something mean he did.

Loves me but not in love... umm then why are you still telling me you love me.

And the lastest...because I looked in his phone and I can't be trusted!

BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"

Posts: 2804 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Mine was the same...we fight too much. You never loved me. You neglected me. You never cooked or cleaned for me....meanwhile I worked full time and thought we BOTH had a hand in the housework. Even if I was the laziest and messiest of all people of all time, I didn't deserve what he did to me and to our DS.

Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 19