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Reconciliation
User Topic: Boob job or no boob job that is the question.
letitout
Member
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Ok, since dday I have been working on a better me both physically and mentally.

One of the issues on the physical part is that I would like to have breast augmentation done. I really have the smallest boobs ever and always wanted some. Not big ones but some that would least fill out a B cup. I can picture myself looking so much better and feel better about my appearance.

The problem is, my H does not like "fake" boobs. He is very strong on this point. He likes me as I am and doesn't want me to get it done.

I really want them, but I have to sleep with him also, and knowing how he feels would really put a barrier between us.

I don't know what to do and just thought I would throw this out and get some opinions.


BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I had a breast augmentation. I had a very good doctor, I specifically told him that I wanted to look NATURAL. I was very adamant. Well, he did a wonderful job, because no one can tell. I have even had a few doctors tell me that they would not have known had I not said something. Remind your husband that getting a breast augmentation doesn't mean that they will stick you will porn star falsies :) And he won't know the difference in terms of the way it looks or feels.

I chose to get a breast augmentation because mine were wretched. They were literally touching my navel, I think in part due to sudden weight gain, and then my sudden weight loss. My self image was shot to shit, to say the least.

There are a lot of people who look down on this particular surgery, which is why I always hesitate to come forward in regards to something like this. But having a breast augmentation was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Definitely shop around for doctors, and check out the forums. There are tons of forums for this, and they are very helpful.

Good luck with your decision!

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 7:57 PM, October 21st (Monday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Alyssamd24
Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I personally would love to get a boob job. If it weren't so expensive and if I had the money for it I probably would do it. Like you , I wouldn't want anything too big


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 835 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
UndecidedinMA
Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I can picture myself looking so much better and feel better about my appearance.

The only thing I would ask - Did you want one before A?

If not try & get to why now?

BTW I would kill for a boob job, soon as I get the money. I lost 200lbs and mine are not under my chin anymore


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I say live the life YOU want to live, without hurting other people.
It's opinion that ppl don't have plastic surgery to look better than other people, they just want to look normal and proportioned...,


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4906 | Registered: Dec 2010
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, October 21st (Monday)

If your husband loves them the way they are then why are you concerned about how they look? Isn't his opinion the one that counts. Also, maybe be sure that this isn't an effort to make yourself feel better after the A. This isn't just new clothes or dying your hair....which I did. .it is major surgery. In my case, and just in my case, no man is worth that. This being said..it is only my opinion.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 21st (Monday)

The only person''s opinion that truly matters, is yours. Your WH may have a preference, but it IS your body. Just as you would frankly not have the right to tell him that he couldn''t have a Prince Albert piercing, should he want one, you have the right to decide what to do with your body. I would suggest exploring the reasons together as a couple, out of respect for each other''s opinions, but when push comes down to shove, the only person that has a right to dictate one''s body choices is the person living in the body.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4802 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Do what makes YOU happy.
You should never have surgery for anyone other than yourself!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3187 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I think skan nailed it in that you need to be happy w you. It sounds like you have always wanted to do this and the A has pushed you to address some longstanding issues you have been unhappy about. I can relate.

I did not have my boobs done but did get lipo under my chin. It bothered me since my teen years and for the last few years I would make an appt and then cancelled. Well. The A broke my hesitation. I was tired of putting off a decision I wanted to do for years. Tired of putting me last! It was not a necessity. It was a want. So what? I am so glad I did it.

Your H doesn't want you to do this? But you do. It's your life and your intentions sound pure.

Good luck!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2282 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Jadedgirl
New Member
Member # 36029
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Go for it!! I'm also on the fence. Ive lost over 50 lbs and want a "mommy makeover". Maybe we all could find a dr who would offer a group rate - lol


Me (BW) - 36
Him (WH) - 35
Married 15 years (HS sweethearts)
DD - 9, DS 2
OW - I don't really care enough about her to acknowledge her!

Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2012
heartbrokeninaz
Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, October 21st (Monday)

That is my goal also! As soon as I hit the weight I want to be:) I have large breasts but I just want them higher not larger. Do what makes you feel good! Maybe take him with you so he can see what they would look like.


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Sep 2013
letitout
Member
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Thanks for all of your replies. I'm going to go for it! Will have to give you an update when it is done.


BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I have no opinion one way or another on wether a woman should do breast augmentation or not. However as a medical professional I always feel the need to remind people of one thing.

This is major surgery, with any major surgery there are risks. Those risks include, post op infections, hospital acquired MRSA, poor results, if incisions become infected the results can be scars and disfigurement . Then in the worst case death from anesthetic, or form the above stated infections.

I find that with cosmetic surgery becoming so common now, people forget the risks.

If you have children, please consider above all that the could be left without their mother. All because of new boobs.

The choice is ALWAYS up to the individual, but I believe that everyone should make an informed choice.

Good luck whatever your choice


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
spinning73
New Member
Member # 39675
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, October 21st (Monday)

Medical professional here that had mommy makeover (few months before A go figure!) spring 2012.

I love my boobs! I thought tummy tuck would make biggest difference, but by far, I feel best about the breast augmentation,
(i had lost 100 lbs and breast fed 3 kids. Previously ample boobs were deflated. Now a generous C but natural feeling and looking. I also stressed to my surgeon the importance of natural. "Tear drop"shape., no stuck on beach balls!!
Augmentation was easiest recovery of tummy tuck, thigh lipo, and BA I had done together.
But.. New boobs didn't keep him my wh from cheating. Make sure it's for you, not for Fwh or to compete with ow. They Can help self confidence IMO. Good luck!


me-BS 40
WH-40
Together 23 years, married 17 years
DDs-11 and 8, DS 7
4 month EA/PA ended by WH 2 months before
DD-4/14/13
Hoping this recovery is real...

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jun 2013
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, October 21st (Monday)

I think it's about putting us first.. As BW now I feel entitled to take care of me and even put me first above my family. I feel like I gave them my all and always put THEM first.
I now have considered plastic surgery. I too lost almost 80 pounds and if I had the money would do a mommy makeover. My boobs especially have deflated. I hate them now. I always had nice boobs even when it was heavy. But now ugh. My fWH says he loves them and they are still great but I know they aren't. Anyway. Lots of things are on my list of Wants.
I say go for it especially if you are going to feel better about yourself. and yes I wish we could get an SI rate


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I've had my boobs done twice. Go with silicone gel. Looks and feels more natural. I bet once you get them, your husband will love them.

Posts: 657 | Registered: Jul 2013
MrsDoubtfire
Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 3:37 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

You do need to consider your spouse in my opinion as you're now meant to be working as a team BUT it's your body first so that should help you decide.

Two things that come to mind:
Augmented breasts need changing so this won't be a one off operation so can you afford the upkeep?

Also, was you wanting them bigger something that's come to light only since his A? If it is you need to really think about whether yo are doing it to boost your esteem based on his actions as that would be like having a boob job to try to cure him of alcoholism etc.

Good luck in your decision and please keep us posted.

[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 9:01 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jul 2009
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I've been considering the same thing. I've seen a couple of surgeons for consultations. I'm definitely getting silicon over saline, but for those that have had the procedure - do you recommend under the muscle or over? I want as absolutely natural as possible for results.

Thanks!

And letitout - you get them if you want them!! You do what is right for YOU. I know two people that got them - both husbands said they liked natural, and both LOVE the new boobs their wives got.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
betrayedme2
Member
Member # 40639
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

From a guy's perspective. If it were my wife. I'd want her to be happy. I think she's perfect, but if there was something she wanted to work on that meant a lot to her--total support. My WS needs better self esteem and anything that would help her self image---go for it!!! You're a couple, so make the decision together. If you're in counseling, talk about it. If your're not in counseling, talk about it. IMO, it's something you both need to be comfortable with.

Couple things to consider. A lot of guys think that when their wife gets a boob job, divorce is around the corner. and I mean a LOT of guys think that. Boob jobs are a signal to husbands that their wife wants other men to look at them. Out of the blue the other day my wife and I were with a group of friends and subject came up. One of the first things said was "you know what happens after a boob job". Nearly EVERYONE in the group said "divorce". Is your husband afraid that you want them for other reasons.....? Talk!!!!!! It is your body ultimately, but if you're working as a healthy couple, isn't it his too?

If you're afraid it'll put a barrier between you, especially in bed, I hope you both get on the same comfort level before having it done.


dday: 1/19/13
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21
Reconciling

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Knowing
Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Your WS is doing you a favour by not supporting your desire for a breast augmentation. The A had nothing to do with you, your breasts or the sex you were having or not having. It is all about your WS'' inner brokenness.

I am my WS'' "young wife", thin w/boobs, cute, fun-loving, hot in bed... He still cheated. After I found out about his A, I found a million and one things I could change about my appearance and our home... But his A had nothing to do with any that. (Incidentally, having access to their secret email account gave me access to MCOW''s google search history and when he dumped her like a hot potato, she was googling all kinds of plastic surgery procedures).

Just goes to prove we all fall into that trap. I would wait a good year or more. Spend some time in counselling. Oftentimes latent issues bubble to the surface in the wake if an A and this can give them the illusion of being "legitimate" and give them more power and urgency, just by the dint of the fact they have "returned" (or always seemed to "be there".


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 697 | Registered: Oct 2012
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

letitout
I am 2 weeks postop having breast augmentation. Went from a AA to full B, tear drop silicone implants. I am very happy with my decision.
My husband did not want me to do this either. Said he loved me as I am...good answer:) but I have always wanted this.
Once I stopped asking him if he wanted me to do this and asked my self what I wanted I had my answer. It is not about him...
Like the others have said, make sure this is something you want to do for you, not because of the infidelity.
Once my husband understood how important this was to me, he supported me. I found my voice when I turned 50 earlier this year:)
Good luck.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 610 | Registered: Oct 2011
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I'd like to throw in a different point here, for your consideration.

You could decide to value, enjoy, and be proud of your body as you are. I know it's easier said than done, but I wanted to offer this approach. Really, you are enough now; you've always been enough in the past, you always will be enough.

If you go for it, though, I hope you get everything positive that you want.

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:49 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10063 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
doubleboggy
Member
Member # 40622
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

My wife had a boob job. She really wanted them. I, however, wanted her to keep the real thing. But, in the end I wanted her to be happy with herself. I would bet your husband wants the same. Talk, explain, and try to get him to see your point.

Unlike some here, I believe that it is not just your body, it is his too. Just like his body is not just his, but yours too. What he does with his body (such as: Affair), effects you and you have a say in how he treats, uses, cares for it. The same would be true for you and your body. "The two will become one flesh" could be interpreted this way.

And by the way, even though I didn't want the augmentation, they are really, really, beautiful to look at. And it hasn't kept me from wanting to touch them either.


D Day: 3/31/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Sep 2013
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

The only person's opinion that truly matters, is yours.
While I agree that your opinion on this is more important than anyone's I don't agree that his opinion should not matter nor be considered in the overall decision.

I would like some cosmetic procedures (not a boob job) and my H is very much against it. So far, that is enough to keep me from doing it.

Just like tattoos. Often that comes up o these forums and the attitude seems to be to hell with what your spouse thinks, if you want it, get it.

I just think if you love someone, what they think about just about everything should matter, and in some cases even sway your your actions and decisions to their way.


Posts: 5741 | Registered: Apr 2006
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Well, I went for it after Dday! I had lost my boobs to breastfeeding but had held off having surgery when the kids were little. After Dday I was willing to do something for me. I did an under the muscle, which my (excellent) surgeon said would look more natural and went appropriate for my build to a B/C cup.

Both of us love them! They look and feel natural. I have more confidence naked (and with an empty nest there is a lot of running around the house naked!), in a bathing suit or athletic top. Plus they are more fun in bed, IMHO.

So, thumbs up from me!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

If my husband wanted to get a tattoo I wouldn't care. I don't find them personally very attractive but he's the one who has to live in his body all day. As attractive as his body is, it's his mind that makes me really attracted to him..


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4906 | Registered: Dec 2010
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I've been considering the same thing. I've seen a couple of surgeons for consultations. I'm definitely getting silicon over saline, but for those that have had the procedure - do you recommend under the muscle or over? I want as absolutely natural as possible for results.

Under the muscle for sure!


Posts: 657 | Registered: Jul 2013
hallelujah
Member
Member # 32283
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I guess since the beginning of time human beings have been cutting and binding and piercing and stretching and scarring for the purpose of aesthetics. For the life of me I don't get why somebody would take even a small risk to their life for the purpose of looking "better." But hey, whatever makes you happy.

Posts: 107 | Registered: May 2011
TarnishedSilver
Member
Member # 37166
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I had a lift done after I knew I was done having kids.
BEST thing I have ever done, for my self.
Fwh said I didn't need it done but he sure does love the end result.

This was done 11 years ago and they are still where they should be. Fwh infidelities were all years before this and I didn't even know about it, so that had nothing to do with my choice.


Me-BS (47)
Him-WH (48)
Married 26 years together 31
2 teenagers
Dday #1- 2/20/2011
Dday #2- 1/08/2012

Healing myself is now my top priority.


Posts: 156 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: USA
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

If my husband wanted to get a tattoo I wouldn't care.
I would care if my H got one. He knows I think they are ugly. He would be extremely upset if I got one too, and would probably consider it a sign I didn't give a damn what he thought about much of anything.

That is how I feel about someone getting cosmetic surgery if their spouse is against it too. It is great for those who have a spouse that doesn't care either way. But if he does care and doesn't want you to do it, and you do love him/her, then yes I think it should be part of the overall decision.


Posts: 5741 | Registered: Apr 2006
Laura28
Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:15 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

letitout

Thanks for posting this. I have always been uncomfortable with my boobs. I really don't like them and never had long before dday.

FWH says it doesn't matter to him. But his OWs all had MUCH bigger boobs than me.

I agree with those who say it should be about what each woman wants and shouldn't be about the OWs. Not do I believe it should be about the H. I would never have them done for my FWH (before or after dday). In fact if he ASKED me to get them done I would probably be livid.

Having said all that, I read so often on here about women working to rebuild their self esteem and this often includes self-soothing by losing weight, redoing the hair, makeup, clothes etc. I did those things after dday and they really did make me feel so much better. I guess that sounds a little shallow but I truly believe these things help.

So why not a boob job??

It has been in the back of my mind for quite a while now. So maybe.

Anyway thanks again to letitout and all those other ladies who have shared their thoughts and most importantly their experiences. Thanks too to the Menz who have shared. It's great to hear from you too.

Laura


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2748 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 31