The day it started 1 yr ago
22nd Oct 2012 is when my WH crossed the line into his 2nd PA. That day is here & I'm struggling. The reality of it all is kicking me in the gut.
My heart aches, can't breathe. Can't express to him how I feel as I can't express it to myself. I want to run away & hide. Make it go away. I know I'm creating distance but I can't help it. I feel like I'm suffocating & this is amplified when he comes near, touches me, or is affectionate.
He had been truly remorseful & is doing everything right. Being there for me, honest, open, kind, considerate, going to IC &MC. The whole lot. Right now he is being the perfect husband - the husband I wish he had been a year ago.
I know he's hurting right now too as he doesn't know what to do & I don't know what it is that I need. Well I do know - for none of it to have happened in the 1st place - but that can't be. It's such a struggle. We are working on R and I want us to get through this. I hope it gets easier?
The thoughts in my head are so negative & nasty. I know it's not helping me or good for me but I can't control it. Does it get easier?
Me BW - 39
Him WH - 40
OW#1 Dday1 9/11 DDay2 11/12 Dday3 12/11
OW#2 Dday1 06/13 (praying for no more)
We are R & it seems to be going well.
Tough times don't last; tough people do
Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Australia
dameia Member Member # 36072
Posted: 1:20 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)
It will get better. My WH and I try to do something special on those days (the anniversary of his PA with a coworker is coming up on the 26th). We take the kids out apple picking, or go to the movies. Just something to get us out of our heads.
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.