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User Topic: One of WS's A's was a double betrayal...
befuzzled110
Member
Member # 35787
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Just as title states. One of his affairs was a double betrayal, with a co-worker of his that *I* was friends with. So. That being said...One, he still works with her. So, how do people deal with that? Two: I hold WS accountable for all the betraying and lying..but can not and do not know HOW to move on from this one affair? Any advice?


Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.

Posts: 196 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Michigan
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I'm in the same boat. WH cheated with MOW coworker...she's been to my home, we've shared recipes, I went to her wedding, gave her gifts. It's brutal. And he still works with her. This is a giant problem for me. WH can't immediately leave his job but there is a move and department changes coming up within a year. I told him I'd suck it up until then to see if those changes separate them. We can't survive on my paycheck alone and I have kids and a mortgage to think about.

He went NC with her other than strictly business. She was in agreement as she wants to save her marriage as well. I can't monitor what he does while at work, but I do see his emails and they have proven to be business only. My rules are, as much communication through email as possible, no face to face alone, no IMing, no phone calls. It's impossible to monitor and I already know he's broken some of these rules as they work together in the same department and it's impossible. I told him if he has to break one of these rules for business he needs to tell me...we're struggling with that last part because he'd rather stick a fork in his eye than voluntarily bring up that woman's name to me...but I think he's starting to get it. I also get a copy of his Outlook Calendar for each week, he tells me his breakfast and lunch plans and I can track his phone anytime I want.

It SUCKS and I don't really see ever fully healing while he sees her every day, but for now I have to deal. IC says that even if he got a job somewhere else he could cheat there too, but having her still in our lives is just a daily scrape of the scab, kwim?

I'll be watching this thread for advice too.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 8:34 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (48) 10 years, together 15
D-Day 6.8.13
D-Day #2 9.6.13 Broken NC/TT
D-Day #3 10.23.13 "Full Disclosure"
WH having PA with MW coworker 3.13-6.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

(((befuzzled)))

There is a thread in icr called Double Betrayal. You may find it helpful.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=158554&AP=981




Posts: 30706 | Registered: Mar 2011
foundoutlater
Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

It looks to me like two problems. The double betrayal is something you have to come to terms with in your own way. I spent my time being angry at my x friend, raged and dreamed of revenge. Now the only issue is when he comes up (and he does with friends and family) it is like sandpaper. Nothing about him, but a reminder of what my W did.

That he works with the AP is another thing. I don't have any advice on how to make that work. I don't know if I could ever get there.


Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1062 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 4